Photo: getty
Not to say that there is a winner and a loser in each breakup...
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Mar 20, 2018
Breakups suck pretty badly, but the fact is that they can and will happen. In many occasions, one person is way better off after the breakup than the other. Typically, when this happens, there’s a “winner” and a “loser” in the breakup.
The funny thing is that it’s hard to tell who will be the one who really ends up on top and will learn how to get over a breakup. The real winner is often found after a long break between the two people in the couple, rather than the superficial sadness and struggles that happen during an immediate break or divorce. After all, the person who seems like they started out on top doesn’t always stay up there after the reality of what they lose sinks in.
Though it’s not always easy to predict, you can find out who won the breakup by looking for these signs below. If you recently broke up with an ex, here's what to look for when trying to figure out if you’re the victor.
1. You were cheated on, abused, or otherwise seriously hurt by your ex.
Whenever a survivor of abuse breaks up with their abuser, the survivor wins. You are free from the jackass who hurt you, and trust me, while it may not feel good now, you’re definitely the winner at the end.
2. People who care about you are relieved that you’re no longer with him.
Much like abuse, this suggests that you were way too good for him. As the years continue to roll on, you will probably find a way better match for yourself, and that means you won out.
3. His own friends sided with you during the breakup.
Along with being an indicator that you’re dating a total scumbag, this is also a sign that you won the breakup.
4. He's asked for you to come back after some time of separation.
This is a classic indicator that you are winning the breakup and that you really do deserve better. Reheated relationships are never a good thing, so you might want to pass up on his invitation.
5. When it comes to your positions in life, you’re doing way better without him than you were with him.
The easiest sign that you're learning how to get over a breakup and are winning is when you start noticing that your ex was legitimately holding you back. If you regularly notice that life has become easier without him in the picture, you're the victor.
6. Your ex was financially dependent on you, but also didn’t do anything in the house.
Uh, yeah, in this case, you were just carrying around dead weight. Breaking up with him is a major win. Why were you even with this guy to begin with?
7. If your ex were to ask you to marry him tomorrow, you’d say no and walk away.
When you have not been with a person for a long time and you still pine over them, you lost the breakup. If you have been separated for a while and stopped caring, you’re over your ex and overcame the hardest part of the breakup.
8. Slowly but surely, people are starting to come back into your life after the split.
It’s kind of insane how many friendships can end just because you’ve been dating the wrong person. If you notice a lot of friends that were good to you and that you missed coming back into your life, it’s safe to say this breakup was a major win.
9. Looking back, you honestly wonder what you were thinking when you decided to date him.
Does it feel like you thought of everything like a drunken hookup? Do you find yourself actively embarrassed by the fact that you dated them, or that you even thought it’d work out? Speaking from personal experience, this is a sign that you probably won the breakup — and they’re probably regretting losing you.
10. Over time, you’ve found someone way better for you.
This is always a big win, even if the breakup isn’t that bad. Bonus points go to the person who found their Mr. Right or Mrs. Right while their ex is single.
11. People have told you that your ex is “really not doing well” without you in their lives.
Not that it’s your problem, but somehow, there’s always a certain amount of schadenfreude when you hear this. That being said, if the high point in their lives was when they were dating you, they lost out and you won big.
12. When you think about everything that you put up with, you get embarrassed by it.
There’s a very good chance that you glossing over the fact that you’re a guy’s ex means you won the breakup. Whenever someone sees dating you (in the past tense) as a bragging right, the breakup usually means that the other person was out of your league.
13. Your breakup allowed you to grow.
If your ex was dragging you down or keeping you from doing things you really could have done, when you’re single and growing, you’re winning.
14. Since the breakup, people have told you that you look better.
Whether it’s that nice glow of happiness, being able to lose that last 40 pounds, or just the fact that you look well-rested, it’s easy to see when a breakup does a person good. If you notice an overall improvement in your looks, you won.
15. You parted amicably.
This is the only time when both parties win a breakup — when it’s mutual, and you remain on good terms.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.
