3 Ways To Heal A Broken Heart After A Breakup (So You Can Find Unconditional Love Next Time)

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A heartbreak can be horrible and throw you off balance. The emotional pain of a broken heart can be so intense that it can start to affect your body and make you question, "Will you ever find love?."

It can weight you down, and you risk closing yourself off from finding love all together. How do you begin to open your heart to dating again — and even have a chance of finding unconditional love?

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When you started dating your boyfriend, you made plans for your future together. You opened yourself to another person who you thought was always going to be there for you. Maybe you planned to go to a concert together in a few months, or maybe you even talked about moving in together and taking your relationship to the next level.

No matter what point in your relationship the break up happened, a broken heart can leave you feeling shattered and devastated. Especially when you thought things were fine. 

What's more, the pain you feel from your experience with heartbreak can make it difficult to move forward and start connecting with others.

So how do you risk opening your heart again — hoping to gain what you lost? Are you willing and able to love another person unconditionally, when you're still dealing with a broken heart in the aftermath of your break up?

YourTango Experts explain how to rise above the pain of heartbreak after a breakup and open your heart to unconditional love once again: 

1. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love.

"To open your heart to unconditional love, you first need the experience of self-love. To cultivate that self-love, we must believe that we are worthy of self-love and actively love others. Mirror that love which we so desire in our own life. Treat yourself as you treat others. Then you will open your heart to an unconditional self-love and inner peace, which exists within you regardless of what experiences we endure."

When you take the time to nurture yourself, you'll find that you can give more unconditional love to others. You have to believe that you are lovable. You are wonderful. Even though your heart has been broken many times before, it's self-love that will be the key to unlocking your heart and helping you heal.

Chris Shea can help you on your journey to self-love. Find out how with a free 15-minute phone consultation. Online sessions are available. Contact Chris about how coaching and life counseling can make your life peaceful and less anxious. Chris is the founder, life coach & counselor at Lifesjourney Life Coaching, LLC.

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2. Recognize that we all make mistakes.

"Remember, we are all flawed, and we all fail the ones we love in one way or another, which means that there cannot be love without patience, acceptance, and forgiveness. Although reciprocity and mutuality are at the heart of romantic love, love itself is essentially something we give freely and unconditionally, which does not exclude our maintaining at the same time a posture of self-respect where we do not allow ourselves to be abused."

Love is our choice. We feed it emotion, breathe life into it. We choose its meaning and its significance in our lives. 

Dr. Harry J. Aponte is a psychotherapist who specializes in working with couples and families, and who trains aspiring therapists in Drexel University's Couple and Family Therapy Program in the purposeful use of their personal life experiences in the creative conduct of their therapy. He has lectured internationally and is the author of Bread and Spirit: Therapy with the New Poor and co-editor with Dr. Karni Kissil of The Person of the Therapist Training Model: Mastering the User of Self.

3. Practice forgiveness to begin healing from a broken heart.

"Conditional love is rooted in the idea that I can only love you if you are perfect and you live up to my expectations. When we can accept everyone’s humanity and our tendency to make mistakes, we can start to forgive and open our hearts, extending unconditional love. A good way to ease ourselves into this practice, especially after heartbreak, is to extend unconditional love to ourselves first.”

Even though it may hurt, you have to remain being open to others. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it. Forgive yourself, and you will find it easier to forgive others. This will open your heart again to both give and receive unconditional love.

In the end, our mistakes are a part of what makes us real. It's these mistakes that end up shaping us and allow us to grow as individuals. It's important to love yourself first. Give yourself time to heal, and learn to appreciate you for who you are. 

Selina Schuh is an educator, author, speaker, and owner of Empowered Living Strategies. She teaches women who are feeling frustrated and under-appreciated in their relationships step-by-step skills to create deeply connected relationships. Get started on your journey today by checking out her library of free resources or reading her book, Becoming Your Own Knight In Shining Armor.

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For more advice from incredible people in helping professions, look to our YourTango Experts. They are here to help!

Jamille Jones is a freelance writer who taught English in Hiroshima, Japan for 2 years. She's an Asian culture enthusiast, chocolate addict, video gamer, and loves to teach for the heck of it.

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