33 Snarky Gifts Perfect For Anyone Who Dreads Valentine's Day

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Valentine's Day gift ideas
Love, Self

Whether you are single, in a relationship, divorced, or are going through a break up, Valentine’s Day is about feeling loved. But if you don't currently feel like you have love in your life, this can be a hard day for you.

That's why taking a look at the best Valentine's Day gift ideas for people who hate this Hallmark holiday is sure to cheer you up.

"When it comes to doing something special for someone who is anti-Valentine’s Day, offer them something meaningful. Encourage them to practice self-love by treating them to a yoga class, meditation class, massage," suggests Rori Sassoon, founding partner of Platinum Poire, a VIP elite relationship service.

When all else fails, buy them champagne and a box of chocolates! Because if someone you love hates Valentine's Day, they should spend it feeling good about themselves in some way.

1. WhoHaha "Make Your Own Damn Sandwich" Mug

For those who want to serve up a little bit of sass with their morning coffee, here's a snarky mug in a sweet, nostalgic needlepoint font.

(WhoHaha, $9)

2. Nasty Woman Wines

Whether you love or hate V-Day, you’ll probably be drinking. Nasty Woman Wines produces​ forward-thinking, balanced and progressive, including varietals like a Pantsuit Pinot Noir, Progress Pink, Pave the Way Chardonnay, and Boss Lady Bubbles. They also offers a #GetNasty Wine Club option where three bottles of wines are shipped to members four times a year.

(Nasty Woman Wines, $15/bottle)

3. Snarky Tea Bouquet 

Flowers die, chocolate ruins resolutions, but these messages are great for those who simply just don’t give AF right now. You can't go wrong with these hilarious and delicious high-quality tea sachets which are packaged in beautiful, brightly colored, attention-getting tins, perfect for displaying in the kitchen and upcycling afterward.

(Snarky Tea, $69.99)

RELATED: 14 Valentine's Day Gifts Every Single Girl Should Buy For HERSELF

4. VOLOOM Flat Iron

For those that hate V-day and need to give a gift to someone else who also hates the holiday, give them the gift of big, sexy, revenge-worthy hair with Voloom. They’ll make all their exes jealous and be the hottest gal at all the Singles Awareness Day parties. This is the only hot tool specifically designed to add lasting volume without product or expensive blowouts.

(Voloom, $129)

5. Love The Sh*t Out Of Yourself

You don't need someone else to make you happy this Valentine's Day. You can do it all by yourself, and author Zoey Arielle Poulsen is going to show you how. Build your self-esteem with daily affirmations and you can rule the world. Love the Sh*t Out of Yourself is the ultimate motivating, encouraging, and uplifting book to enjoy and share.

(Amazon, $12.95)

6. WonderLand Heavenly Heart Mini Massager

Give this adorable, heart-shaped, wearable vibrator to your girlfriends who hate Valentine's Day, because it's the gift of self-love! Unlike expensive flowers that come with maintenance and a short expiration date, the WonderLand Heavenly Heart Mini Massager is ready to give love 24/7, 365 days a year.

(The Body Wand, $43.49)

7. "Single, Taken, Collecting Passport Stamps" Tote Bag

This tote bag is the perfect gift for the traveler who is more concerned with booking their next flight than booking their next date. Wanderlust is real! 

(Passports and Purpose, $29.95)

8. The Babe Pack

The Babe Pack is the first original collection from female-founded Unbound and is based on years of research into what people actually want from sex toys. It includes everything from vibrators to lube to wipes, and even a portable “Oh! To Go” kit including a zip vibe, condoms, Jelly, clitoral jolt gel and more. To make it extra easy, the Babe Box is a sampling of some of the top selections.

(Unbound Babes, $65 every 3 months for a subscription)

9. Da Bomb Fizzers "F Bomb"

What’s better for people who hate Valentine’s day than to drop a few “F-Bombs” unashamedly? Besides the pun factor, these bath bombs are a great way to relax and treat yourself. This bomb is a clean, natural, lavender scent for those who want to melt their frustration away and comes with a fun surprise inside. 

(Da Bomb Fizzers, $7.50)

10. Hooded Travel Pillow

This is perfect for when you're traveling and cursed by sitting next to love birds on their way to a romantic weekend getaway and can't keep their hands off each other. A cozy neck pillow made of micro-fleece and memory foam, it provides ergonomic comfort while the storable hood covers your eyes for instant darkness and the ability to block out couples that are making out next to you.

(Grand Trunk, $39.95)

11. Hot Stuff 9-Piece Cookie Bouquet

Delicious shortbread cookies shaped like boxer shorts, t-shirts and hearts, are hand-decorated to create a fun and novel way to say "I love you." Sweet and silly, this is not your average Valentine.

(Berries.com, $50)

12. Luscious Cosmetics Lipstick

Each of the 18 matte lipsticks in the collection have been carefully named by staff members at Luscious who were going through a breakup. The super-pigmented lipsticks are creating a buzz everywhere because of their unique formulation, but will make an especially great gift on Valentine’s Day to cure those heartbreak blues. 

(I Love Luscious, $15)

13. Ghost Scream Sauces

They're divine and really bridge the gap between heat and flavor. Sweet, smoky, roasted goodness — almost like a cross between hot sauce and BBQ sauce. All fresh veggies, no fake powdered flavors, low in sodium and sugar, so even though you're carbo-loading alone on Valentine's Day, at least your choice of hot sauce is relatively healthy.

(Ghost Scream, $8-10) 

14. My Magic Mud Activated Charcoal Fluoride-Free Whitening Toothpaste

Maybe this will help your anti-Valentine's Day friend smile a little bit more. This toothpaste is the first to combine activated coconut shell charcoal and bentonite clay, and dentists love it! It's made with smart and wholesome ingredients and is fluoride-free, non-GMO, and Natural Cosmetics Standard certified. 

(My Magic Mud, $9.99)

15. Washington Square Watches

Their slogan is “It’s your time,” meaning it’s all about you and what is important to you. The “Modern Minimalist” collection offers 15 pieces for both he and she as well as unisex styles. Put out by iconic watch maker A Classic Time, the timepieces are perfectly priced.

(Washington Square Watches, $155)

16. Precidio Multi Flask Hydration System

This product is the perfect sidekick to keep your friend company on Valentine's Day, from morning to night. The Multi Flask lets you have six different types of drink bottles in one system, meaning they can use it to hydrate while they workout, caffeinate while having their morning cold brew, or wind down with hot tea.

(Amazon, $39)

17. "F*CK IT" Breakup Care Kit 

For people who hate V-Day or are in a post-breakup funk, we consider this gift set a terrific example of what separates the good friends from the great friends. After all, it's hard not to smile (even through tears) at Knock Knock's Insults & Comebacks book, self-help dispenser tickets, Herbivore Botanicals' calm bath salts, nutty Tom Bumble bars by Oregon Bark, and TOPS Malibu Wish Papers that, when lit on fire, send your wishes sailing skyward in the most cathartic fashion.

(Knack Shops, $59.50)

18. Bad People Book Club

Bad People Book Club is a subscription book service for people who like to read but also like to party. Each box comes with the book for the month, a cocktail recipe in theme with the book, cocktail ingredients from local suppliers, a guide to enhance your experience, and a chance to opt-in to their email service, which will give you live challenges about the book. 

(Bad People Book Club, $34.99)

RELATED: 6 Truly AWFUL Valentine’s Day Gifts That Your Ex Totally Deserves

19. Gypsy Energy Secrets: Turning a Bad Day Into A Good Day No Matter What Life Throws At You

This quadruple #1 international best-selling book is one of the perfect Valentine's Day gift ideas for single and/or divorced friends. It teaches easy techniques to access our inner strength and turn stress into relaxation and depression into happiness. It shares tips for dealing with loneliness and steps to recover from a divorce.

(Amazon, $15.54)

20. “Girl Power” Sweatshirt

For the feminist friend who knows there is no need for a man on Valentine’s Day — or any day.

(Threadlust, $31.20, on sale from $52)

21. GANT Smart Girl Society Socks

Perfectly teamed with cropped pants, GANT's retro-inspired socks with "Smart Girls Society" stitched on the side are the perfect gift for your smart and stylish galentine who doesn't need a man this year. 

(GANT, $25)

22. Navy Blue Capodimonte Porcelain Rose With Bud

For centuries, roses have inspired people to develop a language of color. Over time, each color has come to represent certain emotions. But what does the blue rose mean? Well, the blue rose does not actually exist in nature. As such, it represents the impossible or the unattainable. This Valentine’s Day, remind someone special that we create our own limits.

(Uno Alla Volta, $98)

23. Dainese Frecca72 Leather Jacket 

A badass leather jacket for a badass woman. Motorcycle vibes have been revving up in fashion as more racer-inspired jackets continue to hit the streets. For the genre's enthusiasts, heavy leathers with performance features may not be new, but they’ve never looked better off the bike and on the street. It's an extremely empowering jacket and this is supposed to be the year of the women, right? 

(Dainese, $599.95)

24. Rubber-Cal Tan and Black Funny Doormat Set

This is perfect for anyone actively dating and unabashedly hating it. This is particularly fitting for someone who's gone through a few duds.

(Bellacor, $62.82)

25. Vifa Helsinki Speaker 

Use this bad boy to blast some Drake on February 14th, or whatever your little heart desires. Integrating small size with great sound is a complicated task, but a no-compromise way of thought has characterized the elaboration of Helsinki, leading to a product with a unique sound-experience in its category. 

(Vifa.DK, $449)

26. HEX Stingray Solo Wallet Case

Definitely a good gal pal gift. HEX brings this new genuine leather line of cases for the iPhone. The Solo Wallet case is a wallet with two slots intended for storing credit cards, an ID or cash all in a super-slim profile design. 

(Hexbrand, $44.95)

27. ADIDAS Sport Eyewear Beyonder Sunglasses 

They do a great job of blocking out the haters. A new versatile frame that features adjustable nose pads and gripped inside temples to ensure a perfect, stable fit. The frame is made of SPX®, a lightweight and durable material exclusive to ADIDAS Sport Eyewear. With various colorways and an assortment of lenses to choose from, these new Sport Essentials are perfect for wherever your active life may take you. 

(ADIDAS Sport Eyewear, From $99)

28. Rumpl Sherpa Blanket 

Who needs a lover if you can just wrap yourself up in this? A perfect cabin companion, the Sherpa Puffy features a high-quality and water-resistant matte nylon fabric on one side, and impossibly soft, high-pile Sherpa fleece on the other.

(Rumpl, $159+)

29. Caudabe Lucid Clear Case 

If only relationships were as translucent as this case. An ultra slim glass-like case designed to combine sleek, minimalist design with smart functions.

(Caudabe, $19.95)

30. Anti-Valentine's Day Black Lace Mask 

Black lace is often associated with funerals and sorrow, making it the perfect material for someone who is not in the holiday spirit. This face mask is an intense moisturizing treatment packed with 6 times the micro-collagen of standard face masks. It also has ear cuffs so you can wear it to bed for ultimate hydration without the mask falling off.

(Heather Marianna, $19.50)

31. "Tears Of My Enemies" Candle

Have your heard the phrase "Throw a little salt on the fire"? The "Tears of My Enemies" candle from Enter the Mermaid's Lair does just that — it uses the ancient power of salt to neutralize a conflict in your favor, and rub just a little bit of salt in the wound. This handmade beeswax candle is infused with two unique salts (red Hawaiian and grey Celtic) for a powerful magical uncrossing experience.

(Etsy, $5+)

32. Conncullin Irish Gin 

Conncullin is the merging of the names of lakes, Lough Conn and Lough Cullin, which are the source of the water where Concullin is produced in Ireland. Drown your sorrows with this just-released, small batch, premium Irish gin with a sophisticated berry nose and bold finish with hints of juniper and citrus. This clean, classic spirit is an affordable yet thoughtful gift for anyone who prefers to sing the blues on February 14.

(Connacht Whiskey, $29.99)

33. Don Ciccio & Figli Limoncello 

For the hostess who always has all the bases covered, show them some self-love. Made with fresh lemons, this traditional Italian liqueur is made using a historic Italian family recipe and delights with refreshing, zesty, and mouth-filling flavors of natural lemon. 

(Don Ciccio & Figli, $30)

RELATED: 12 Gifts To Never, EVER Give A Woman On Valentine's Day

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Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyles writer. Her work appears in dozens of digital and print publications regularly. Visit her on Twitter or email her at alywalansky@gmail.com.

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