Love, Self

10 Hard-To-Admit Reasons You Put Up With A Man's Crap (And How To Stop)

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how to stop putting up with his crap

Your friends don’t understand how you tolerate his nonsense and why you can't understand how to stop putting up with his crap. Your family is wondering, “What is she thinking?” 

You? Well, if you’re aware that you are putting up with his utter crap and BS, you know you should leave yet somehow you’re still with him. If you’re not aware, it’s even more painful to everyone on the outside who wishes to help you see what he’s doing to you.

The bottom line is that strong and confident women don’t settle for fools or set their price tag low. There are reasons you are putting up with his crap and, in some cases, those reasons are part of a master plan that’s actually quite clever. Here are 10 reasons you just can't seem to stop letting him get away with murder.

1. You have low self-esteem.

You calculate your self-worth as below the dollar mark. You can’t understand why anyone would want to be with you, much less an actual “good guy.” You think that you must be doing something to deserve his sh*tty behavior and can find at least a million things wrong with you.

You’re always putting yourself down, despite all the wonderful things you truly have to offer. It’s sad because the people who love you wish you could see all that’s great with you.

2. You constantly inflate his worth.

And while you’re busy hating on yourself, you’ve somehow convinced yourself that he is great and can do no wrong. You’ll combat anyone bad-talking him by listing all of his amazing traits; meanwhile, your friends and family are rolling their eyes in disgust.

So, in other words, you’ve decided that you’re a dollar store freebie and he’s some gourmet high-end hottie. No, dear, you’re wrong. If only you could see.

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3. You believe your own excuses.

You’ve conjured up so many excuses for his behavior that even you are believing them now. It’s easier to believe them than to face the facts that he’s a jerk and you need to leave him.

4. You’re afraid.

You keep thinking of the worst-case scenarios when it comes to ditching this dud. You are afraid you’ll be alone. Afraid you won’t meet anyone better. Afraid you’ll regret it.

Instead of seeing the positive end to this bad relationship, you keep envisioning the worst.

5. You’ve got a plan.

Oh, you know he’s a jerk, but you can’t leave him... yet. Your goal is to become financially stable so you can move forward without him. Or maybe your goal is to finish school first or find a new job.

You know he’s terrible to you but before you leave, you want a few things in place in order for you to move past him successfully. Your friends understand this somewhat, but they’re also concerned about the long-term damage to your soul.

In some cases, your plans are also “big excuses” that are keeping you from moving on, but in other cases, like in the case of divorce, it makes sense. You need to get your bearings first before saying “buh-bye.”

6. You’re being abused.

He’s been working his sick magic to ensure that you feel lesser than him, low in overall value, dependent on him, or afraid to leave. You’re putting up with crap because you are too abused to see the light.

He’s got you — hook, line and sinker! You believe his nonsense and you just can’t see reality.

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7. You rebounded and landed him.

You were completely torn up from your last relationship so when you met him you ignored the red flags. Your whole soul was broken from the last relationship and you were vulnerable to him. And now to lose him would feel even worse.

8. You need him for something.

He is giving you something, so you are putting up with the rest of his BS in order to get what you want.

For example, you're living with him because you’re broke and think you can’t do it on your own. You're using him for a job or other opportunity. Or, you're staying with him to appease family members who perhaps don’t see how bad he is and want you to stay.

Most likely, you don’t really need his help if only you’d make an exit plan, but you seem set to stay with this total zero.

9. You’re convinced you deserve it.

Maybe, just maybe, you did something wrong. Perhaps you cheated. Ran up your credit and destroyed his. Broke up with him and came crawling back.

Or, maybe in his abusive mind and in your “abused” mind you believe you deserve this treatment because you did something so wrong. You’re hoping with good behavior you might get him to believe you deserve him to be good to you.

10. You think nobody else will want you.

You’re too old. You’re sick. You’re not as fit as you used to be. You’ve got a kid. You’ve got a past. Name any “reason” that you have decided makes you unworthy, and you think no one else will take you for who are, baggage and all.

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Laura Lifshitz will work for chocolate. The former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate is currently writing about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, marriage and more for YourTangoNew York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more. Her own website is

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