The Devastating Reason So Many Strong Women End Up With Weak Men

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If there’s one dating trope that regularly seems to be found in day-to-day life, it’s the trope of strong women who attract weak men. We’ve all seen gorgeous, smart, successful ladies who never seem to find guys who are anywhere near their caliber.

For one reason or another, it seems like the best women out there often inexplicably end up with abusers, cheaters, and losers. You might even have noticed someone who fits that bill that just decided to give up dating.

Ever wonder why strong women always seem to struggle so much when finding healthy relationships?

From what I’ve gathered, it’s a mix of things.

Speaking as someone who’s taken years to ask the same question, I actually found a number of reasons why this happens.

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Here are 9 common reasons strong women end up with weak men:

1. What women find attractive in a partner isn’t the same as what men find attractive in a partner

It sucks to realize this, but it’s true. When finding a spouse, most men do not really care about the traits of strength and success women do.

In women’s eyes, a sparkling career and a lively social life are signs of strength and stability.

For guys, well, these accomplishments may be impressive feats, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll want to date a woman because of such factors unless they’re doing so for ulterior motives.

2. People have different ideas of what strength means

One of the most baffling things that men do is heap praise on a woman who, at first glance, might not strike you as strong. But you need to think like a guy to understand why this happens.

There is strength in individuality. There is strength in independence. There is strength in being able to boast about a great career — and much, much more.

All of these statements are valid, but the truth is that strength is in the eye of the beholder.

Many women see independence and a “no BS” attitude as signifying strength. Men, on the other hand, may find caring to be a stronger feat. This often is why men will call a woman you may think of as weak “inspirational” in his eyes.

3. Many strong men want someone they can take care of, and many strong women just don’t give off that vibe

Call it a side effect of being a "boss babe" or whatever, but many women who are proud of being strong give off an unapproachable vibe.

Sadly, this tends to drive away strong men who would mesh well with them, if they gave them a chance.

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4. Strong women also tend to come across as more guarded

This is partly because of how badly they tend to get burned by love, and how hard it is to actually be strong enough to handle a relationship.

Unfortunately, if you’re no longer able to open yourself up to love in a healthy way, there’s not much chance of romantic success for you with anyone.

5. There’s more reason for a weak man to want a strong woman

Weak men are often looking for one of three things: a sugar mama, a trophy, or someone that they can control. The reason why many weak men want someone to control them, particularly a strong woman, is because that’s the only way some of them can feel "big."

The reason why they’d want a strong woman as a trophy is that they’re hoping other people will see them as strong because of who they’re dating.

And I need not explain why a weak man would want a sugar mama.

6. Similarly, there’s also less reason for men of all types to want a highly independent woman

Men don’t want to be wanted, per se. They want to be needed. Unfortunately, a lot of women who are the “strong, successful, independent” types do not really need a man but desperately want one.

Sadly, that vibe is not one that men tend to jive with, and it shows.

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7. Strong women often do attract strong men, but they also attract way weak men

Most emotionally strong women have plenty of traits that make them attractive to all men.

But there are a lot more weak men out there than strong men, and they tend to be more willing to approach, as well as to say or do whatever they need to in order to weave their way into her heart before she figures out which type of guy they really are.

8. Weak men also tend to make themselves more known when they’re pursuing a girl than strong men do

There’s an old saying that says that any man who must declare that he’s king, isn’t one at all. This saying basically says that, the louder a person is about something, the less you should have faith in them.

My personal observation has been that the weakest, most insecure men are often the most aggressive when it comes to pursuing a girl, as well as the loudest when it comes to talking about why they’re awesome. With all the racket they make, it’s not surprising that they may be overshadowing the genuinely strong people interested in strong ladies.

9. Being heavily desired as a woman tends to make you lose “sensitivity” when it comes to flirting

I usually can’t tell that a man is flirting with me unless he makes an entire production about it. It just doesn’t register, even if a guy is checking me out.

So, part of the issue may be that strong women just don’t notice the good men around them who are trying to get their attention.

Overall, there are a lot of factors that make it difficult for strong, successful ladies to find a spouse.

It’s a mixed bag, but the truth is that being strong is something that makes you a better person.

One thing you do need to realize, though, is that it’s not your fault. There are no shortcomings on your end; it’s an innate issue with what men want.

Speaking as someone who’s been there, I ask that you don’t lower your standards in hopes that you’ll end up with a ring on your finger.

Though it can be frustrating at times, don’t give in and date a weak man.

It’s often better to be alone than it is to be with someone that feeds off your strength. In time, someone right will come around or you’ll just experience a great life solo. Either way, it’s not as big a deal as people make it out to be.

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.