Self, Sex

What Normal Labia Should Really Look Like (Since Men And Women Have 'Opinions')

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Are My Labia Normal? What Should They Look Like?

I have some shocking news to share with you.

Apparently, men and women think there is a way that labia are "supposed" to look. 

Yup, that's right. Just when you thought that female genitalia had been through enough, society is out there us apart for having "long" labia, sending women running the offices of plastic surgeons everywhere for operations they just don't need.

Spoiler alert coming up...

There is no such thing as "normal" labia (unless you count the fact that most women born with vaginas have them). Your labia can be long, short, dark, light, floppy, chubby, and a million other adjectives, and you know what? No matter how they can possibly be described, they are ALL totally normal.

To care for my own, I took it upon myself to write the following letter, care of my own labia.

But since what I've got to say here applies to you all, I figured why not address you, the labia of the world, all at once?

Dear Labia,

Hello, how are you? Probably warm and a little bit slick, if I know the female anatomy at all.

Fun fact about labia: they enjoy reading. (That was a joke, a joke, I promise you.)

I also promise that my claim that you, labia (both minora and majora), are erudite in the supreme is the only myth, lie, or even half-truth I am going to bandy about here in this letter. There's been enough trash talking about y'all, and it stops now.

RELATED: 10 WTF Myths About Your Labia That Couldn't Be More Untrue

Have you seen the viral pic comparing a virgin female's "Christian" labia to Taylor Swift's presumably promiscuous labia?

If you haven't seen it — and you probably haven't, since labia and don't have eyes, and if you did you'd have better things to do with them than look at such rubbish — it shows two ham subs placed side-by-side. The sub on the right shows the meat contained within the bun in a way that is intended to be pleasing to the eye, while the sub on the left is overflowing with ham that flops every which way.

I don't think I need to tell you which labia were supposed to belong to which woman...

When I first saw that meme going around I was really uncomfortable, and not just because I'm not huge into deli meats.

I mean, on the one hand, I get it. We live in a world where women are treated like second class citizens. We don't make as much money as men simply because what's hidden underneath our pants and our shirts is different from what's hidden under the clothes of the males of our species.

RELATED: What Men Think Of Each Of The 8 Different Types Of Vaginas

We are persecuted for having vaginas and clitorises and, yes, for having labia. It doesn't matter what we do with them, the very fact that we have them at all screws us over royally from the start.

I think it was this attitude that kept me quiet the first time I saw the meme.

Hell, while women being treated like garbage is nothing new, neither is a good old fashioned girl-on-girl crime. You can always count on a woman to tear down another woman once she gets a little too confident, a little too bold, a little too ambitious, and a little too loud.

That meme has continued to rankle me, however, and every time I see another woman torn apart for what is essentially the simple fact of her gender, I go back to visit it in my mind. I also have not eaten a ham sandwich since, but that is neither here nor there.

Also, I have not eaten a ham sandwich since it first appeared, but that is neither here nor there.

This idea that the size, color, shape, or texture of either set of your labia "means" anything is ludicrous.

A woman could remain a virgin her entire life and still have labia minora that hang past her labia majora. She could have more sexual partners than Elvis did peanut butter and banana sandwiches and still have labia minora that are neatly tucked away.

The purpose of both sets of labia is to protect the vaginal opening and the clitoris from trauma. That's it.

They're not there to be criticized for being "sloppy" and they're not there to clue a woman's sexual partners into how much of a slut she is or is not. You, wonderful labia, exist solely to do one very important job and you keep doing every day in spite of everything that gets tossed your way.

RELATED: 8 Things Your Vagina DESPERATELY Wants You To Know

You guys put up with women trimming and cutting you as though you are required to look a certain way instead of just looking the way that you do. You stay silent as you are repeatedly told that however you look is wrong and bad, simply because of your proximity to — *gasp* — the vagina.

Labia, I am thankful for you.

I don't care what color you are. I don't care how saggy or long or short or plump you may be. You're doing a hard job for an entire gender of people who have it even harder — and for that, I am eternally grateful.



Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.