Heartbreak, Sex

3 Harsh Truths About Why Men Stop Having Sex With Women They 'Love'

Photo: Aloha Hawaii / Shutterstock
man and woman hooking up

Being a relationship writer isn’t easy, particularly when it comes to getting inspired to write. For those who wonder how I get my ideas, it’s actually simple. I get my inspiration for articles from the stories I hear people tell me and the pleas for advice I get. As a relationship writer, I’ve heard a lot of complaints from women who have dated men that, for one reason or another, stopped sleeping with them.

The story is almost always the same, too. The sex was great at the start, then all of a sudden, it grinded to a halt. Most of the women who have been with these men for long periods of time have confronted them, only to be told that the guys either say they’ll fix it “later,” make an excuse for it, or say that they don’t care enough to fix the sex issue.

Despite the lack of sexual interest, the men they’re with claim that they love their partners.

Every single time women have approached me with this issue, they have always wondered what’s wrong with them. Speaking as someone who has studied dead bedroom forums, I can tell you why he isn't sleeping with you.

Are you ready for a seriously harsh dose of reality? Okay, here goes:

If you want to know why he stopped having sex with you, it's because: He’s not attracted to you, he doesn’t love you, and he’s over you.

There, I said it. This is the bitter truth that you needed to hear. It’s not what you were hoping to hear, but it’s the damned truth and maybe hearing it will give you the gumption to leave. I hope this is the case, because I have seen the damage that men do when they refuse to sleep with the women they “love.”

In order to fully understand why I’ve come to this conclusion on why men stop wanting sex with women they're in a relationship with, it’s important to understand every part of the reality dose I just gave you.

1. This is why he’s not attracted to you...

Men who are attracted to you will not refuse sex from you on a very regular basis. Assuming that he doesn’t have a hormone issue, a man who is attracted to a woman will probably want to have sex at least once a week.

In many ways, men are a lot like women when it comes to attraction. Imagine if you lived with a man who you weren’t the least bit attracted to, who regularly wanted sex from you. You probably would come up with excuses to avoid sex, too. You also wouldn’t bother going to a doctor, because you probably would know that any test he gave you would come out normal.

I cannot tell you why he stopped wanting you. He may have found someone else. You may have gained weight or let yourself go. He may have developed a closet porn addiction. Whatever the reason is, though, the fact is that he does not find himself attracted to you.

You can’t negotiate attraction. This is something that won’t likely come back if you try to work things out with him. That’s why most dead bedroom situations get better, then get worse after a short period of time.

2. This is why he doesn’t love you...

Would you sit back and relax while your loved one is clearly upset with you? If you saw your spouse crying his eyes out, wouldn’t you do whatever you could just to see him smile again? If you cared about him and loved him, chances are that you would as long as it’s a reasonable request.

Expecting regular sex is a very reasonable request in a relationship, and you should never feel otherwise. The idea that this would be the person you’re having sex with for the rest of your time is, after all, the main reason why many of us choose to commit. Sex and affection are basic human needs, and it’s insane to think that you don’t deserve that.

Anyone with a pair of eyes can see how much long-term rejection hurts, and if you have repeatedly brought this up to your partner, they can see it, too. People who love each other are not okay with hurting each other. In fact, they would probably be more okay with just dumping you so that you could find someone better.

So, yes, if your partner cared about you, they would try to make things work in the bedroom, work things out between you, or they’d let you go. In most cases I’ve seen with dead bedrooms, the people who are with their partners don’t really love them anymore but really love the lifestyle that person affords them. That’s generally the only reason they stay.

3. This is why they are already over you...

If they don’t love you and aren’t attracted to you, they have totally mentally checked out of the relationship. At this point, you’re basically roommates with a fancy title. This isn’t what love is supposed to be like and frankly, you can get better.

So, here’s my advice to anyone wondering why he isn't sleeping with you: Leave. Do not try to work it out. They have already left; the only thing remaining in the relationship is their body. You are attractive and life is too short to spend it with people who aren’t into you. Don’t you agree? 

Rejection sucks, but you don't have to suffer forever. Watch the video below to change your mindset and deal with rejection in a healthy way:


Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.