How We Set Up — And Thoroughly Enjoyed — Our First Date As Swingers

Let's just say it was a night I'll never forget...

How We Set Up — And Thoroughly Enjoyed — Our First Date As Swingers BLACKDAY / Shutterstock


I was reading through a bunch of my old blogs recently and came across something I wrote after the first swinger date my husband and I went on approximately two and a half years ago. Amazing how things have and haven’t changed in that time.

Here's the story of that fateful night and how it all went down ... (literally!)

After looking at profiles for weeks and never acting on them, I finally took the plunge and decided to flirt with a cute local couple on Kasidie, a swinger dating site. Crazily enough, I heard back immediately with a reciprocal flirt and an invitation to look at their private (extremely HOT and way dirtier than I could ever imagine taking) photos.


We chatted back and forth and they hoped to get together that night but we weren’t ready to be that spontaneous, so we set up a date for the next evening to meet for drinks and see where things went from there.

I was so nervous all the next day.

Were they going to like us? Was my undercarriage grooming up to par? I don’t have a porn p***y. Was my undercarriage itself up to par? We should totally cancel! What was I thinking?

Eventually, we were on our way to their neighborhood so we could go back to their place if all went well over drinks at a restaurant. I went for the sexy secretary look in a pencil skirt in which my butt looks bangin’ (if I do say so myself) and a top that draped nicely to show off my rack.


RELATED: I Went Inside The Secret World Of Suburban Swingers To Find Out Why The 'Swinger Lifestyle' Appeals To Women

We hit it off pretty quickly and I was so relieved. Even if we didn’t hook up it was going to be a fun evening, as we easily chatted about various things in our lives, relationships, and our experiences (or lack of in our case) in the lifestyle.

As we talked about what clubs we’d been to, we realized that we recognized them from a couple events at the local swingers club. I specifically remembered seeing her hand down the pants of a guy who’d approached them with his wife (I assume) and thinking, "Wow! This is real. People really do this!"


They’d been a couple for about a year, and she’d been in the lifestyle when they met. He hadn’t been sure about the whole thing but after a crazy hotel takeover weekend in Vegas, he was sold.

The date felt comfortable and effortless, even when I knocked over my glass of wine onto her. We had a ton in common in a lot of ways, so after a few drinks, we headed to their place just a few blocks away.

We ended up playing a silly strip card game and soon enough I was sitting completely naked in the dining room of complete strangers ... and I began to freak out a little.

If we’d been doing sexual things and I was naked, it would have been fine, but I was just sitting there. Nude.


It was really odd. I’m kind of a "never nude." I’m getting better about it, but I often don’t like to be naked even when completely alone. I’ve even got a running gag with a friend about how I wear jean shorts in the shower.

Noticing my discomfort, they got me a robe to wear until I felt better, and that consideration helped me come back to myself and out of the panic spiral.

Eventually, the game got a sexier and we all started having to do little dares that got more and more intimate — a lap dance here, some inner thigh kissing there.

A lot of the dares ended up with people giving me oral sex and I really liked that. Like, really liked that. I kept joking that all the tasks should be "do stuff to Kat" because having three different mouths on you in very short order is one of the best things ever. Until there’s maybe four or five or … mmm ... happy place.


RELATED: I Went Undercover To Explore The Secret Life Of Suburban Swingers

Things progressed into the bedroom and we all rolled around in bed ... and it was really awesome.

I hadn’t been sure if we’d just pair off with the other couple or how it would work but there was a lot of mixing and matching and it was delightful. There were often bodies on either side of me and on top of me and I just loved being surrounded by all that amazing naked, writhing flesh.

All good things must come to an end, though, and after discovering it was nearly 3 am, we had to bow out and head home while I could still operate a motor vehicle.

We exchanged a few flirty texts after, but we haven’t heard back from them after my texts trying to set up the next date they’d appeared eager to schedule. So we’ll see.


But it was a great night. A lot of fun.

It took the edge off the fear of the unknown and answered the question “Who’d want to have sex with us?” because we know there are at least two people out there who put their hands up, which helps to suggest that there are more out there who will do the same. We just need to find them.

Now, who should I flirt with next?

RELATED: What Happened When I Went To A Swinger's Bar As A Single Woman

Kat Stark is a geeky, Canadian, queer, bi/pansexual, feminist who came to ethical non-monogamy 21-years into her relationship with her husband. After a quick toe-dip to test the waters (and hours of obsessive reading and podcast consumption), they dove in and she almost can't imagine they ever lived any other way.