The Worst Things Guys Have Said (Or Been Told) During Sex

Just zip it.

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When you're having sex with someone there are so many things that could go wrong. 

I mean, yes, there are things that could go right but those things are so predictable! 

The stuff that could go wrong is bizarre and utterly random. 

For example, he could break his penis, you could fart while he penetrates you, you might leave a tampon in, the condom might break... it's a list that is as long and it is varied. 


Personally, worrying about what comes out of my mouth (rather than what I put in it, AY OH) is the greatest concern on my mind when I'm getting busy getting, you know, busy.

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I've often wondered what's the worst thing to say in bed. I myself have probably come close, uttering phrases like, "Jiminy Christmas!" and "Fill me like a burrito!", but those didn't seem to dissuade the gentlemen from filling said burrito. 

I don't think women are alone in worrying about this, either. I am sure there are many who are totally panicked about the worst thing to say in bed. 


To that end, to help myself — and hopefully you — chill a little bit more when it comes to the things we utter in the sack, I asked a group of anonymous men to share the worst things they've said, and the worst things they've heard in bed during sex.  

Trust me, they'll make you feel SO much better. 

Okay dudes. Here's a question: what's the worst thing to say in bed? Conversely, what's the worst thing you've ever said in bed to someone during sex?

  • "For a week or two leading up to it, she had been bugging me to talk more during sex. I dunno, that just doesn't feel natural to me. It always sounds phony and porn-ish. Then in the middle of the act, she said, 'Say something!'"
  • "Ooooh, you're all squishy."
  • "One time the girl I was having sex with kept saying, "Damn," just over and over and over again. At first it was hot, then it got weird." 
  • "All women everywhere need to stop telling me how big my penis is. It's just average and I know it. Life is not porn."
  • "A woman I was making out with told me I made her pants feel chunky. Sex did not happen."
  • "Unless you have already told a dude you love him before, don't tell him you love him when he's fucking you. It's awkward."
  • "A woman can say whatever she wants in bed as long as she doesn't cry."
  • "My ex-girlfriend meowed like a cat during sex. Not words exactly, but not good. "
  • "I sang at the top of my lungs, 'Our God is an awesome God he reigns from heaven above,' followed by the next three or four lines of that particular church song."
  • "As my high school girlfriend was pulling back the foreskin, I said 'More than meets the eye' to the Transformers rhythm."
  • "I said another girl's name during sex. It wasn't meant to be serious, and it wasn't an accident. We had been fighting, and I said this other girl's name as a joke and she started crying and I felt awful."

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  • "Just after I came: 'That'll do, pig. That'll do.' Though full disclosure, she was in on the joke and we both just cracked up."
  • "Was tripping on acid and quite drunk and said something about the corndog I ate previously in the day... don't remember what specifically, though."
  • "'You have really big hands.' She was not happy about that."

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  • "Asking for permission to do a certain move kinda kills the mood."
  • "Said the wrong name during sex. What made it worse was she had woken me up to have sex, and I was probably 90% asleep still, as I don't really remember the sex whatsoever, but I remember the slap and the 'wtf is going on' argument."