Love, Sex

7 Things You Need To Know About Dating A Baby Mama

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dating a baby mama

I am here to report some shocking news: dating a baby mama is not that different than dating your average single woman.

There's one big difference, sure: she's got kids. 

The truth of the matter is that no matter how many children call her "Mom," no baby mama out there should ever be stuck on a shelf because she made a decision to bring life into this world.

Related: 30 Bad Relationship Habits You *Desperately* Need To Lose By Age 30

Some men make crazy assumptions about dating a woman with kids. They assume she's desperate for a daddy for her children. They think she's trying to drain their financial resources. 

The truth couldn't be more different. 

So let's bust some tired-ass stereotypes and share 7 things people need to know about dating a baby mama:

1. She still wants to be desired.

There's this crazy thing that happens to women who have children: men (and, frankly, the world at large) stop viewing them as sexual beings worthy of adoration. 

This is crazy. Just because a woman has a kid (or two, or three, or four) that's doesn't make her any less sexy. Culturally, we want these women to stay in the kitchen, bemoaning their fates and making apple pies whose crusts are salted with their tears. 

A woman doesn't magically become undesirable because it once gestated a new life. She's no less sexy and no less worthy of love, affection, and sex with whoever she damn well chooses whenever she chooses to have it. 

2. She has zero tolerance for BS. 

It can be tempting when you start dating to cut your new beau some major slack when they toy with your affections.

A single mom has zero time or tolerance for your bullshit, and power to her for it. 

If you want to play games, if you want to string her along, if you don't know what you want, that's fine — just don't expect her to wait around for you to grow up. She's got enough of that going on at home.

A grown-ass woman deserves a grown-ass man, and that's what she's holding out for.

3. She will put you on her list, but you aren't number one. 

When you're a woman, prioritizing is basically all you do. You prioritize your job, your prioritize your kids, your prioritize getting your bills paid and buying groceries, and any one of the other eight million things that need to get done on a daily basis.

For a baby mama, it's hard enough for her to remember that sometimes she has to put herself first, so don't get it twisted and expect her to put your needs first. 

She will love you and support and be there for you and give you the best oral sex of your life, but the minute you start saying shit like, "It's me or him," and the "him" is her 18-month-old? That's the minute your ass is formally introduced to its new best friend, Mr. Curb. 

4. She can forget to make time for herself. 

Sometimes she will forget to text you back. 

Sometimes she will cancel a date at the last minute. 

Sometimes she will forget to cook dinner and you'll wind up eating takeout. 

She isn't neglecting you intentionally: she is neglecting herself, failing to see and address her own needs — which include love and time spent with a romantic partner. 

It can hurt to feel neglected, but when you realize that the root of this behavior isn't disinterest but it's her running herself ragged, take the opportunity to step up your game. 

Cook HER dinner or take the kids to the park so she can take a bath. 

It's this sort of stuff that makes a real impression. You're not just in it for you, you're in it for her. 

5. She can be cagey about commitment. 

Look. A woman with a kid (or more than one) has made a series of choices in her life that have brought her great joy, but they've also been choices she has had to commit to for life. 

If she is gun-shy about committing to you, it isn't you: it's the fear of making another major decision. Because this time it isn't going to just effect her, it's going to effect her kids, too.

Frankly, if a baby mama is taking it slow, you should be stoked! It means she's serious about you, and she's serious about bringing you into her world. 

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6. She's creative as heck when it comes to sex. 

Worried that dating a baby mama is going to mean your sex life will become hurried, quiet missionary after the kids go to bed?

Worry not!

Single moms know how to have awesome, hot, exciting sex. They have a certain set of skills that they have picked up to learn how to get your freak on without traumatizing the youngsters for life, and she can't wait to share that knowledge with you. 

7. She doesn't need you, but she wants you. 

When you're desperately in love you probably find yourself saying stuff like "I need you."

Don't expect a baby mama you're dating to pour sweet nothings like this one into your ear. 

She doesn't need you. She's an adult. She's a parent. The things she needs she gets for herself. 

But the fact of the matter is, she CHOSE you because she WANTED you and that's so much better.

So don't think that dating a single mom is an open and shut case. Give the relationship a chance if you're into her, and maybe you'll discover important things you were searching for in a relationship at the same time!