Whoa! This Gay Erotic Story Starring Donald Trump Is Crazy Hilarious

Ok. Deep breath. Ready?

If you're looking for some excellent erotica starring President of the United States, Donald Trump, I am pleased to report that Amazon had got you covered in the form of Trump Temptations: The Billionaire and The Bellboy.' 

It is the erotic story to end all erotic stories.

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Excuse me while I both run to the bathroom to wretch and then also do a second lap of giddy horrified celebration around my apartment. 

This prime piece of presidential erotica has been kicking it on Amazon since January of last year! The fact that I missed it for so long seriously has me thinking about hanging up my professional writing bra (absolutely a thing) and donning a hairshirt in penance. 

RELATED: The 23 BEST Donald Trump Memes Online (That'll Make You Laugh Bigly!)​

Now let me begin to share with you some of the best literary erotica around. 

The sex story was written by gay comedian Elijah Daniel and chronicles one bellboy's sexy, sexy encounters with our now (god help us) Commander in Chief. It took Daniel just four hours to write the erotic story thanks to the help of booze and pot, a duo he makes sure to thank in the epic tome. 

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In case you haven't already joined the countless throngs of people who have made this book a hit, perhaps this excerpt will entice you: 

"I had to admit it, I wanted his geriatric 2006 Perez Hilton jello body, and I wanted it bad. But before long we had a new problem, my lustful thoughts had awoken the purple-headed yogurt slinger in my pants. This walk was getting real … hard, real fast."

I'm sorry but I have to include another excerpt because sweet furry Buddha in the sky this noise is good:

"His voice wrapped around my body like queso around a smothered burrito. His gorgeous ass flapped behind him like a mouthwatering stack of pancakes in his pants."

Bring. On. The. Literotica! 

I'm not the only person out there who has become completely enamored of the book. Just one peek at the Amazon reviews, and you'll see a veritable parade of 5-star writeups all singing the book's praises. 

Lol, get it? S. Plain. This review is pretty great too:

I mean, do you even need more encouragement? Plus, I mean, it's only $1.99. You've spent more money on things I'm sure you enjoyed a hell of a lot less. 

It feels like the only person who hasn't spoken up about just how great this book is would be Trump himself. He did block the author on Twitter, but maybe that's just because he couldn't handle getting so much creative genius flooding his timeline at one, no? 

Yeah, that's probably it.