4 Ways To Ask For Anal Sex (That Won't Freak Your Partner Out)

Here's how...

anal sex WeHeartIt

For many people, anal sex the last great taboo.

There is something innately naughty and dirty about anal sex, and that's what turns a lot of people on about it.

That and the fact that if you do it right (lube, lots of lube!) it can feel pretty damn amazing.

But how do you broach the subject of asking for anal sex with a new partner? 

The easy answer? Politely.

The longer answer is by building up intimacy and comfort and being respectful of your partners desires and potential discomforts. 


Here are three things you need to know about how to ask your partner for anal sex. 

1. Build a sexual rapport 

So it's the first time you're having sex with a new partner, and you're already wondering if they would like to have anal sex.

Check that impulse to ask, and first focus instead on building up a sexual rapport. 

Asking a partner to have anal sex is different than meeting up with someone for the express purpose of having anal sex.

This will be relationship anal sex, and before you go there, you need to get to know each other's bodies in the basic ways.

If it's early on in a relationship you might still be shy about stuff like even seeing each other naked. 


That's a sign it's too early to ask about anal sex.

Give yourself enough time to get used to each other sexually before you considering broaching that subject. 


2. Share your fantasies 

It can be hard to ask your partner for anal sex, even if the two of your are regularly having sex together.


That's because, as we mentioned, there is still a taboo when it comes to anal sex.

The best way to leap this boundary is to become comfortable talking to your partner about your sex lives and your sexual fantasies.

I'm not just talking about dirty talk either, I'm talking about having normal conversations about what you guys do in bed even when you aren't in bed. 

Talking about what you like to do during sex, or things you'd like to try during sex, can make asking for anal sex much less awkward. 

Healthy conversations about your sexual fantasies will also bring you closer together as a couple and who doesn't want that?

3. Ask outside of the bedroom


The two of you are having sex, it's going really well, you're super turned on, and you're thinking "now is the perfect time for me to ask him to have anal sex". 

That's your hormones talking, thank them for their contribution, ignore their pleading, and keep on having the traditional form of sex you are engaged in.

Anal sex is a big deal and it does require a level of preparation. 

Springing the request on your partner in the midst of doing the deed could make them feel obligated or pressured to say yes even if they aren't 100% on board and that's just not fair.

So if anal sex is something you know you'd like to try, talk to your partner about it outside of the bedroom.


Make a plan of action.

I know that doesn't sound sexy, but you'll be singing a different tune when you're getting the anal satisfaction that you crave. 



4. Don't force the issue 

"Don't force it" isn't just a great rule for anal sex overall, but it's a great rule when it comes to dealing with how your partner responds to asking for anal sex.

If they say yes, great! Proceed with cleanliness, caution, and consent.

If they say they aren't sure and need to think about, great! 

Offer to explore with partnered anal play or help them shop for an item like a butt plug they can control and see if anal sex is up their alley (and by alley I mean butt).

If your partner says no, they don't want to have anal sex, that's that. 

It's never a good idea to force someone to try to do something they have said they don't want to do.


Even nicely trying to talk them into having anal sex is coercion, and there's simply no space for that sort of pressurizing behavior in a healthy romantic relationship.