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Learn how to enjoy anal sex — pain-free.
By Sean Jameson — Written on Oct 06, 2020
Anal sex can be such a fun, exciting, and super-pleasurable experience. However, anal sex has a bad name, and some people try to avoid having anal sex altogether because they are worried about it being painful.
Wondering how to enjoy anal sex so you can have a fun, pleasurable experience?
I've put together this guide on how to prepare for anal sex — it will teach you exactly how to get ready for anal sex with your partner.
The reason so many people never want to try anal sex with their partner is because they think it will be messy, unsexy — or even unsafe.
Follow these guidelines while you prepare and you will never have to worry about it being messy or unsexy so you can focus on how to enjoy anal sex with your partner.
1. Only have anal sex if you're excited to try it (not because someone convinced you).
One of the biggest problems when preparing for anal sex is that guys can develop an obsession with it. It could be because he's curious, he wants to tell his friends "I've had anal " — or it could be any other reason.
It's perfectly fine and normal for men to like anal but you absolutely should never feel forced, coerced, or convinced to have anal sex. Just because your partner is interested in anal sex doesn't mean that you have to be interested too.
If you really don't want to try anal then don't. It's as simple as that. But if you do, that's great too — just move on to the next step to help you prepare.
2. Understand that anal sex feels very different than vaginal sex.
Obviously, anal sex feels quite different from vaginal sex. For the receiver, the feeling can be quite unpleasant at first, especially if your partner doesn't understand how your anatomy works. That's why finding time to relax and come to terms with how it will feel beforehand is important.
3. Prep and clean your body (all of it).
Start by making sure to use the bathroom and take a shower. In the days leading up to anal it's a good idea to avoid any food that will give you a loose stool.
4. Relax your body (and your mind).
At the entrance of your anus is your anal sphincter. This muscle plays a crucial role in how much you enjoy anal sex with your partner.
This muscle isn't like others — your anal sphincter can't relax very quickly; but once it does, it can stretch quite a bit. When it's tight, it's very tight. So during anal focus on relaxing your body, and your sphincter, as much as possible to make you (and your partner) more comfortable.
A good way to help your body relax is to start by slipping a lubed finger in first. Hold it in place for a few minutes and try to focus on relaxing that particular muscle. You'll notice after a while that your sphincter just naturally loosens up.
As it does, try slipping in a second lubed finger. Once you feel yourself start to relax, you can move on from using fingers and you can try butt plugs or dildos instead, to help you get used to the feeling.
Once you feel like you're relaxed and ready, you can follow the next steps to comfortably fit your partner's penis inside of you during anal sex.
5. Decide if you are going to use a condom during anal sex.
Some people think that just because you can't get pregnant from anal sex means you don't need a condom. If you are not both 100 percent monogamous or have been tested recently, you need to wear a condom.
Catching an STI from anal sex is very possible. This is especially true if it's the receiving partner's first time, due to very small skin tears in the anus and rectum.
6. Use plenty of lube (and make sure it's the right type for your situation).
The anus does not provide enough lubrication, so you'll want to make sure that you use lots of lubricant during anal sex. Using lubes like K-Y Jelly or Astroglide will not only make you much more comfortable, but it can also help prevent you from damaging your skin or tissues.
Choosing the right lubricant is crucial when learning how to prepare for anal especially if you're using condoms or sex toys.
If you are using a latex rubber condom, then you should not use an oil-based lubricant. Oils will degrade the latex condom, which can cause a condom to tear. So remember to choose a water-based lube when using latex condoms.
7. Start slow, in the 'doggy-style' anal sex position.
The easiest anal sex position to start with is the doggy style position, which begins with the giver upright and the receiver on all fours.
In the doggy style anal sex position, the giver should stay still at first so you, as the receiver, can be in control. This way, get to determine how fast or deep to go, and you can take things slower or shallower if you need to.
As you become more comfortable, you can start allowing your partner to go deeper into you, making sure you control the pace throughout.
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Sean Jameson is a sex expert and founder of the Bad Girl's Bible website, where you can learn advanced techniques to improve your sex life.