11 Brainy Love Songs For Geeks, Nerds, and Total Sapiosexuals

Photo: Pexels
nerdy love songs for geeky sapiosexuals
Love, Self

So romantic. SO geeky.

Everyone has something that they find unrelentingly sexy. What’s commonplace to one person might be the most attractive thing in the world to another.

Some people are way into blondes, some go crazy for a man in uniform, and some regard the brain as the sexiest part of the human body.

Those people are known as sapiosexuals, and they romantically identify themselves as being attracted to a person’s intellect more than anything else.

These people don’t need to picture Sherlock Holmes as Benedict Cumberbatch — they’re much more turned on by Holmes’ piercing deductive reasoning than his BBC counterpart’s glorious cheekbones.

But their intellectual pre-occupations don’t always make things easy for sapiosexuals. Take love songs, for example. Most of the time, love songs have a heavy focus on physicality — talking about lips, eyes, and whether or not you’ve noticed if the “butt was stuffed.”

However, if you’re into sapiosexuality, you don’t really care about their luscious hair or their badonkadonk. You just want to know how they did in AP Calc.

Fortunately, there are songs about love that do celebrate geeky intellectualism more than a person’s physical attributes. These songs are specific, romantic, and gloriously nerdy. If you’re into a brainy guy or gal, trust, us, they will squee if you place any of these tunes on custom-made playlist for them. (Or if you’re a retro-geek, make them an old-school cassette mix-tape.)

If you’re looking for the perfect soundtrack for a MENSA make-out session, there are 11 gleefully nerdy love songs that will put any true sapiosexual in the mood for romance.

1. Rachel Bloom, “F*** Me, Ray Bradbury”

Do you love The CW’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend as much as we do? If so, you’ll love the viral video that originally put the show’s creator, Rachel Bloom, on the map — an extremely NSFW ode to the “greatest sci-fi writer in history,” Ray Bradbury. If you’d rather hook up with the author of Fahrenheit 451 than Brad Pitt, this is the song for you.

2. Jonathan Coulton, “I’m Your Moon”

Singer-songwriter Jonathan Coulton is well-known for his uber-geeky songs like “Code Monkey” and “Still Alive” (maybe the best video game end-credits song ever), but “I’m Your Moon” might be his most romantic song, using astronomy as the perfect metaphor for how two people in love orbit each other for eternity.

3. AsapSCIENCE, “The Science Love Song”

You might not play this viral video at your wedding reception, but the song — performed by AsapSCIENCE creators Mitch Moffit and Greg Brown — is so deliriously nerdy that it should make sapiosexual couples swoon. How could it not with lyrics like “If we broke up I'd be no more / I'd give up H2O for H2SO4 / Take away gravity, I'd still fall for you / Share my last electron in a covalent bond for two”?

4. Thomas Dolby, “She Blinded Me With Science”

Is this the original nerd love anthem? Thomas Dolby’s early MTV hit is a definite forerunner of the “OMG, science is HOT” movement and the song is pure pop ‘80s fun.

5. Kate Bush, “Pi”

Kate Bush was a big name in experimental pop in the 1980s, so it might not surprise anyone to hear that she wrote a romantic ode to the world’s most famous mathematical constant. Her song “Pi” is also about one man’s love of numbers, and she actually sings the numbers of Pi as the chorus (“3. 1415926535…”). And, if you want to get super-nerdy for your lover, you can point out that Bush gets some of the digits wrong as she goes on. (Sacrilege!)

6. The Doubleclicks, “Love You Like A Burrito”

The Doubleclicks are big names in Nerd Rock, and their quirky ballad comparing love to a burrito is the perfect metaphor for loving someone for what’s on the inside. What smarty-pants wouldn’t love being told “You are cool and smart and nice / You're the beans to my rice”? The band gets extra points for describing burritos as “a space-age food pod made of magic and dreams.”

7. The Klein Four Group, "Finite Simple Group (of Order Two)"

This one is pretty darn nerdy. In 2006, this video of an acapella group from Northwestern University’s mathematics department went viral, because people LOVED how it turned complex math lingo into expressions of love. If you want to make a true sapiosexual’s heart flutter, just tell them — “Since every time I see you, you just quotient out / The faithful image that I map into / But when we're one-to-one you'll see what I'm about / 'Cause we're a finite simple group of order two.”

8. Chester French, featuring Janelle Monae, “Nerd Girl”

There are too many “odes” to nerd girls online that are basically just gross librarian fantasies put to music. But Chester French’s “Nerd Girl” is different. It’s melodic, sweet, and actually features a woman — Janelle Monae (!) — singing the part of the titular smart-lady. Plus you have to adore lyrics like, “The girls I used to chase round / Were nothing but looks / Never cared ‘bout the news I follow / Or my favorite books / Then I met you / And you showed me/ To a different path / Now I'm reading you Dostoevsky / And you're doing my math.”

9. Josh Ritter, "Stuck to You (The Science Song)"

Singer-songwriter Josh Ritter knows that true intellectuals value honestly more than anything, which is a quality he gleefully brings to his romantic “Science Song.” For example, he tells his beloved, “Well, there's one thing Mama, I think you should know / It is not love that makes the flowers grow / But a complex electron transfer process known as photosynthesis when chlorophyll reacts with the light of day / Since you're gone, the light has gone away.” Which, yeah, is the truth, but it’s nice that he still acknowledges that, even if he can’t explain love, it still exists.

10. Marian Call, “I'll Still be a Geek After Nobody Thinks It's Chic (The Nerd Anthem)”

Not every nerdy love song has to be about traditional romance. Sometimes, it can just be about learning to love yourself, no matter what anyone might say about your love of Stephen Hawking or J.R.R. Tolkien. Marian Call wrote this awesome out-and-proud tribute to being a nerd — with percussion accompaniment by an old typewriter (so geeky!) — that reminds us all that no one will fall in love with you, if you don’t fall in love with yourself first.

11. The Guild, “Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?”

This is a silly parody of early 2000s J-Lo/Britney romantic pop songs, but it has excellent geek-cred for dealing with how some nerds tend to fall in love with character avatars on MMORPG video games. The song and video come from the popular online series The Guild, created by and starring geek-icon Felicia Day. If Christina Aguilera played World of Warcraft, she would’ve written this song.