If You Have Small Boobs Rich Men Love You, Says Science

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woman with small boobs wearing a bra
Sex

Did you know rich men love small boobs? At least that's what science tells us.

As a woman who is in the possession of a pair of proudly big boobs, I have always been deeply envious of women with small boobs.

I know it's great to have big boobs, or at least I've managed to convince myself that this is true over time, but I don't think I'm speaking out of turn when I say that women with small boobs have life wrapped around their proverbial fingers.

And it looks like there might be science to back up my feelings of inordinate jealously.

According to recent research conducted by two British sociologists, rich men love small boobs.

Apparently, a man's preference for big boobs or small boobs isn't static, it's dynamic. Interesting, science. What else you got for us?

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Apparently, men who are poor or hungry will be more attracted to women with large boobs, because those boobs prove that the woman in possession of them has better access to stuff like food and other resources.

On the flip side of the coin, rich men and men who have recently eaten a meal look at a woman with small boobs and find her to be much more attractive than a woman with big boobs because they are not lacking for resources financial or otherwise.

But also, different people are attracted to different body types — the same logic applies to boobs

This would explain why every guy I've dated is a broke fool with a penchant for one too many cookies.

I am absolutely going to keep this in mind the next time a girl with small boobs starts whining at me about how unfair it is that she is a full A cup.

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"Dude. Shut up. Bill Gates will probably marry you," I will say. 

I do not harbor any ill will towards my small boob-having sisters. But I will say that it is a little hard to know that my boobs were designed to attract poor emotional eaters, while theirs were designed to attract men who probably own more than one superyacht.

Talk about the cup being half full! (Sorry not sorry). 

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. Her work focuses on relationships, pop culture, and news. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.