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Everyone is hatching plans to seduce Bill Gates
By Kevin Lankes — Written on May 05, 2021
Now that Bill Gates is back on the market, people all over the internet and social media are clamoring to attract the billionaire philanthropist into their dating schemes. Many are hatching complex or outright comical plans to find ways to attract Gates’s attention.
Why are they doing this? Probably because Gates is the fourth richest person in the world.
Bill and Melinda Gates are worth a collective $130 billion. During the pandemic alone, Bill made $24 billion. After the settlement is over, he could be worth the same amount of money as he was just before Covid.
How do you seduce Bill Gates?
There are a number of ways to ingratiate yourself with one of the wealthiest billionaires known to man. Some of them are more legitimate than others. Without further ado, we’ll get to the bottom of them all.
The best ways the internet plans to seduce Bill Gates
1. Dressing up like a sexy algorithm
Twitter user Dean Packis says he’s going to do this in order to get the attention of Gates. Since Gates is famous for developing software and working in the tech space for his entire career, this has a certain logic to it.
2. “Whispering sweet nothings into my Covid vaccine”
Redditor u/kempez2 responded to an r/askreddit thread about seducing Bill Gates with this gem. They reference the conspiracy theory that Bill Gates is using the Covid-19 vaccines to implant microchips into the population to be used as trackers or data collection devices.
3. Embracing the Zune
@neilgofficial took to Twitter to announce his own plan to seduce Bill Gates. He plans to launch an “unapologetic defense of the microsoft zune.” The Zune is a notoriously abandoned mp3 player from Microsoft that ended its officially supported lifespan in 2015. The Zune has since become a meme that reminds everyone of how the company was several steps behind the iPod when it came to portable tech.
4. Bringing back Clippy
Reddit user u/Man_Bear_Beaver has a plan that will delight Microsoft Office users from the 90s. He says, I'm gonna dress up in a clippy costume and pop up out of nowhere and ask him if he needs help.”
Clippy was an anthropomorphic paperclip who popped up from time to time to ask if you needed help with whatever task you were looking to complete at the time. It quickly became one of the office suite’s most criticized features.
5. Appeal to his philanthropic nature
Others have more realistic means of approaching the challenge. One Reddit user, u/Adam8614453 says they’ll “Invent something that would improve the lives of millions of people so his foundation can sponsor it.”
Gates has been working toward philanthropic goals for decades, so this might be the least far-fetched of the bunch so far. In 1994, he founded the William H. Gates Foundation that would later become the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. The pair has stated that they both plan to continue their work on the foundation, regardless of the fact that they’re no longer in a romantic partnership. Whether or not philanthropy always works is another discussion.
6. Be genuine and a little creative
Reddit user u/LordCitrus won multiple awards for his lengthy, well-written tale of how he’d meet and attract Bill Gates. “It has to be natural,” they say.
“I want to captivate him, and make myself accessible at the same time. Get him to make the first move.
“I'll research his interests, and write multiple NYT bestsellers books in those categories. Then, I'll hold a number of book signings suspiciously overlapping with Bill's travel itinerary until we finally meet for the first time, and we exchange numbers.”
The story goes on to involve using Jeff Bezos to inspire jealousy, and finishes with u/LordCitrus and Gates spending 20 wonderful years together as soul mates.
If you want to seduce Bill Gates (joking or not), first know what it's like to date a billionaire
Before you go out and hatch your own plan for attracting a billionaire into your life, you may want to consider some of the factors that can keep the ultra rich from finding lasting happiness. People like Gates have a lot going on. They’re either wildly ambitious or simply busy enough to keep them involved with a variety of business ventures. This can translate to a lot of time apart, which is something that can often get in the way of a successful relationship.
Another possible challenge is matching your personalities. Some among the ultra rich can have massive egos from decades of enabling and surrounding themselves with “yes” men.
There are some problematic focal points, even in the high-end matchmaking circle, where rich men are given carte blanche to pick a spouse like they would a car or a watch. Certain reasons that men with a great deal of money will be looking for love in the first place might not sit well with many potential partners.
Of course, dating Bill Gates would likely be similar to dating anyone. The same basic idea applies. Don’t use gimmicks or outlandish ideas from social media to attract a partner. Lasting relationships are built on trust. Be genuine, appreciate each other for who you are instead of vying for what the other person has or represents.
Of course, this isn't just a great strategy for ingratiating yourself with single billionaires, it's good start for gauging interest in anyone you happen to be crushing on.
Kevin Lankes, MFA, is an editor and author. His fiction and nonfiction have appeared in Here Comes Everyone, Pigeon Pages, Owl Hollow Press, The Huffington Post, The Riverdale Press, and more.