How Not To Be The 'Crazy' Ex-Girlfriend Everyone Warns You About
You have to let this go.
Dean Drobot | Canva Do you feel like you're turning into the "crazy" ex and wondering how you'll ever get over this breakup? When you’re in the throes of a breakup, you're not quite yourself. Whether it’s only been a week or years, the pain and agony of losing someone you have deep feelings for truly hurts. It hurts physically, mentally, and spiritually. Like an addiction, heartache and longing can turn any normal person into a weeping, obsessive, confused heap of emotions.
Research has shown that feeling emotional pain can truly be agonizing. Your brain reacts to the sensation of a broken heart in the same way that it responds to physical pain. So to say that you might feel out of your mind with grief is not an understatement. And it can feel like you’re going crazy, or doing things that you’d normally never do. If you find yourself doing things that are totally out of your character, then it might be due to the pain that you’re experiencing over your breakup.
You might find yourself perpetually watching his activity on social media or analyzing his online photos for any signs of a new love in his life. Or catch yourself driving by your old hangouts hoping to see him. You find yourself toying with the idea of reaching out to his buddies for information. You fight the urge every day to text or call him to either negotiate some kind of compromise or question him to death to feel some kind of closure. You feel crazy. Your emotions feel as though they're consuming you and nothing seems to help. Not the nightly pint of ice cream or the overindulging in alcohol or the marathon of sappy movies you can’t seem to stop watching.
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Every song is a reminder, as is every place you go. Sometimes you might even catch yourself holding your phone, wondering if you should text him and secretly hoping that he will text you. Even your friends are starting to get that glazed look in their eyes when you talk about the breakup... again. They’ve given you their best advice and shoulders to cry on, but now it’s starting to get uncomfortable. But you don’t know how to stop it and pull yourself out of the sticky pit of feelings you’re stuck in. So how do you get off this emotional merry-go-round and get over your break up?
You’re tired of feeling out of control. You know you have to get over it and you want to, but the emptiness nags at you and it feels like you've lost control of your brain! You’re either feeling numb from the emotional exhaustion or fatigued from the relentless questions circling in your head.
What can you do now to stop this madness? How can you better cope with these out-of-control feelings? What can you learn about yourself from this experience and perhaps better handle any future similar situations? Rest assured, you’re not a lunatic. You’re just in pain, and there are practical ways to cope. The only thing you have control over is yourself and your emotions, not your ex. The best way to get through this period is to cut them off and focus on things that only benefit you. Little by little, you'll start to feel like yourself again.
Helen Fisher Ph.D., is a biological anthropologist and Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and Chief Scientific Advisor to the dating site Match. She is the author of the book The Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray, among other titles. Dorothy Camp has been a massage therapist, a computer programmer eventually leading to Application Design, Project Management, and eventually ended up as a Database Analyst. Deni Abbie is a certified Life Coach, Dating and Relationship Coach, Hypnotherapist, syndicated author, and public speaker. Lewis Brown Griggs is an experienced personal and executive leadership coach and facilitator with over 40 years of experience. Melanie McGrath is a marriage and family therapist, a personal development coach, and the founder of Whispering Baby. Melanie Gorman is the former Senior VP of YourTango Experts.