In Defense Of Dick Pics (From A Guy Who Sends Them)

Photo: Andrey_Popov / Shutterstock
In Defense of Dick Pics (From A Man Who Sends Them)
Sex

I have with me, at this very moment, a collection of pictures of my penis.

I mean, not polaroids or anything. What is this, 1996?

I have a collection of the hated, reviled dick pics. You know the ones. Big dick in a frame. Occasionally a hand. Not much else.

Seriously.

Why? There is never a reason anyone would want to see a picture of just a penis, right? Never. No one wants that.

Aesthetically, it’s like a picture of a bratwurst. Who wants a picture of a bratwurst? You want to eat a bratwurst, sure, especially if you’re on the shores of Lake Michigan with a beer during the beautiful city of Milwaukee’s epic Summerfest, but you don’t want a picture of it.

Except you do want a picture of it. Not a picture of a bratwurst, a picture of a penis.

How do I know this? Because I know a lot of women and a lot of men. And I know that, in this world, a lot of cock pics were sent via 3G and 4G.

And I know MANY of them were solicited.

Is that the thing? The solicitation part?

RELATED: I Put An Ad On Craigslist Offering To Judge Penises For Free — Here Are My D*ck Pic Reviews

Have guys sent unsolicited dick pictures to so many people that they’ve turned everyone (outwardly) against dick pics entirely?

I’m serious. To anyone who’s ever received an unsolicited dick pic, I apologize. That sucks. Especially from a person who is so incredibly dense or socially awkward person they truly believe that’s the way to get further with you.

And now — on behalf of all the penis-havers who only ever send pictures of their member upon request — I ask that you not make broad sweeping statements about:

  1. The attractiveness of penises in general, and
  2. The fact that you’d never ever for any reason ever never want to see one.

As a person who finds both penises and vulvas attractive — and who thinks that human genitals are absolutely amazing, diverse, and beautiful things that I could look at for hours. Aroused, flaccid, doing things...

Sorry. Got distracted there. As a person who finds both penises and vulvas attractive, I am hereby taking a stand.

No one should ever send a picture of their genitals without at least asking if the recipient wants to see them.

I’d be shocked, SHOCKED, to open a text on my phone and find myself staring directly into that.

But I firmly believe the venom spewed toward pictures of dicks is almost wholly responsible for the lack of good pictures of men on dating sites.

Yeah, I’m blaming YOU (the metaphorical you) for the very thing that is one of the biggest complaints about dating site profiles. The lack of decent pictures of men. The overwhelming perceived hatred of pictures of our penises makes us far less likely to put ANY picture of our bodies on there.

Listen Cooper, you jerk,” you say, remembering how much I irritate you, “I’m not saying that penises aren’t attractive. I’m just saying I want more to a picture than a close-up.

Fair enough. And I agree. But let’s all talk seriously here for a sec. It’s just you and me.

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Dick pics can be pretty cool sometimes, can’t they?

And I can make a sweeping generalization (because that’s how I roll) about them due to the fact that I’d say 80% (that’s MOST, to those of you playing the home game) of the people I’ve ever "played" with have requested, at some point, a picture of my penis.

Some out of the blue. Some before we’ve played, though mostly after. Some in a photo exchange. Some by sending a picture of themselves.

Hence, the reason I have them on my phone. ‘Cuz then if I’m in, say Barnes & Noble, when a request is made, I have something to send.

And, while you should NEVER come to definitive statistical conclusions based solely on personal observations … I choose to do so now anyway.

Please, let’s not hate on the dick pics. Let’s hate on the UNSOLICITED dick pics.

And let’s not hate on the lack of creativity. You want to see something new and different and sexy and fun — make a request. Requests are sexy.

Meanwhile, I’ll just continue to enjoy the bounty of genitals that the human race has to offer.

RELATED: 6 Responses To Guarantee A Guy Never Sends You A Dick Pic AGAIN

Cooper S. Beckett is the co-founder and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast since 2010, author of swinging & polyamory novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity, and memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. 

This article was originally published at Life on the Swingset. Reprinted with permission from the author.