The REALITY Of Every First Date, As Told Through Marilyn Monroe GIFS

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Terrible First Dates Starring Marilyn Monroe

Anyone who knows me, knows of my lifelong love of Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn and I have more in common than can be contained in one article, and one of those things includes a disdain for men who carry on like "wolves" on dates.

After a recent breakup and an oh-so-tiresome Tinder first date with a wolf in CEO's clothing, I thought I might share the events of my night in a little round-up, starring Monroe herself.

1. When you're at the office getting ready to go on your first post-breakup Tinder date.

2. ...And your boss comes back upstairs with one final end-of-the-day question.

3. Then, the guy texts you a lazy "C U there."

4. But then you walk in and see that he's even better looking than his photos.

5. And he seems so interested in everything you have to say...

6. ...Until the hot waitress distracts him.

7. Still, you might as well have the shots she brought over.

8. And then tell him everything you've ever thought in your entire life.

9. That's when the bar's free Burlesque show begins...

10. And Mr. Wonderful suggests that you get some pasties.

11. Then, he starts rubbing the back of your neck during the show.

12. And suddenly, you remember why you swore off dating apps.

13. So, you down your drink as fast as you can and make an excuse to get out of there.

14. And you make it home to your apartment that you share with NO ONE!

15. But just as you're falling asleep, he texts you a kissy-face emoji.

16. You go to sleep but then share the details of the date the next morning in the office...

17. All while your married coworkers gasp in disbelief.

18. But secretly, they live for your dating stories.

19. And deep down, you love starring in them.