The Most Powerful Way Couples Affair-Proof Their Marriage, According To Experts
How to make sure your partner doesn't stray.
LOOK | Canva Infidelity is the big, bad Bogey Man of marriage. On some level, we're all aware that our spouse could cheat, and how badly that would impact our relationship. We also know that WE could cheat on our spouse and all of the harm (and guilt) that would result. Yet, even with this understanding of how badly infidelity shatters trust, connection, and, ultimately, the marriage itself, somehow, in our minds, it's still an option. Why? Perhaps sites like Ashley Madison cause us to think about infidelity as casually and as often as we do. We also talk about cheating more openly today than ever. If you do a Google search for the phrase "Is he cheating" there are 158 billion pages indexed with this topic. (That's a billion, with a B.) That's an insane amount of content on the topic, for sure.
Whether we like it or not, the possibility of our spouse cheating is very real ... for all of us. And the internet now has a wealth of ways to indulge your fears and worries on the matter. You can find everything from investigation sites that examine the DNA of your partner's underwear to sites that scope out your spouse's social media accounts and tell you who they're talking to and how often. And when it comes to worry about infidelity, it turns out — men and women worry about different things. Overall, he worries that she'll actually be intimate with someone else, and she worries that he'll fall in love with someone else emotionally.
Somehow, the physical act of intimacy alone seems less threatening to the ladies, go figure. If you worry about your spouse's behavior and you want to affair-proof your marriage, that must happen long before your partner starts looking at other people.
Affair-proofing a marriage begins at home. One of the most common questions engaged couples bring to premarital therapy is: What can we do to protect our marriage from infidelity? Well, the truth is, there is nothing you can do to 100 percent guarantee that your spouse won't cheat. But according to our panel of Experts, there are MANY steps you can take to leverage the odds in your favor. Actions and behaviors that reduce the likelihood that cheating will become an unfortunate reality in your marriage. Recognize that affair-proofing your marriage is an inside job.
The final word: If you want your husband or wife to come home to you, have great intimacy with you, being devoted only to you, then you must do the same for them.
Dr. John Gray is a leading relationship expert whose books, including Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus have sold over 50 million copies in 50 languages in 150 countries. He helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. Melanie Gorman is the former Senior VP of YourTango Experts. Foojan Zeine is a psychotherapist, Life & Executive Coach, and the author of Life Reset: The Awareness Integration Path to Create the Life You Want. Garet Bedrosian is a marriage/couples counselor and a globally recognized expert known for cultivating a safe and nurturing environment in her training programs, enabling individuals to take calculated risks, and facilitating profound personal and professional growth. Tabatha Bird Weaver is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor, and hosts the CPTSD podcast.