15 Over-The-Top Habits Of Someone Who Secretly Lives For Chaos
Some people just thrive off drama.
Noah Buscher | Unsplash What does it mean to be a chaos queen? The term "chaos queen" describes someone who tends to exaggerate or overreact to mundane situations in a melodramatic manner. Chaos queens display excessive emotions, react intensely to the tiniest of issues, and seek attention or sympathy from others.
Chaos queens turn mountains into mole hills, so to speak, blowing situations out of proportion to make themselves the center of attention. They need constant validation and assurance, and enjoy bringing others into their emotional turmoil. This behavior is incredibly exhausting for the people around the chaos queen, and may lead to distance between the chaos queen and their loved ones.
Here are 15 over-the-top habits of someone who secretly lives for chaos:
1. They find a way to make everything about themselves
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When someone else is telling them a story, somehow the topic always turns back to theor issues. Whether it's good news, bad news, or just a random thought, they redirect the attention back to their own experiences and feelings. It makes others feel dismissed or ignored.
2. They’re usually terrible listeners
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When others are speaking, they tend to zone out or wait for their turn to talk. Their lack of attentiveness and disinterest in others' stories and problems is probably the reason their friends don’t often ask them for advice.
3. They crave gossip
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Whether it’s celebrity nonsense or real acquaintances, they love to talk about people behind their backs (which means they're also terrible at keeping secrets). They thrive on the latest rumors and will spread them to anyone who will listen.
This habit is particularly damaging to the trust in their relationships, as people see them as someone who can't keep secrets or respect their privacy.
Research suggests that while gossip can have positive and negative consequences, the craving for gossip can lead to various outcomes, including social bonding, information gathering, and potentially negative impacts on relationships and reputation. Engaging in gossip can also provide entertainment and stave off loneliness, but excessive gossip can harm mental health and erode trust.
4. They get angry or upset very easily
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They may try to blame it on hormones, but people walk on eggshells around them all the time. Minor inconveniences quickly escalate into emotional outbursts. This volatility makes it difficult for others to communicate with them.
5. They find a way to turn every tiny issue into a huge ordeal
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They blow the smallest issues out of proportion, where a minor misunderstanding quickly turns into a full-blown crisis. It’s exhausting, it’s obnoxious, and it’s unnecessary.
6. They’re judgmental
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Whether it’s someone’s fashion choice or their choice in romantic partners, they usually have a negative opinion about it and are quick to express disapproval. Their judgmental behavior distances you from potential connections.
Judgmental individuals may find satisfaction or validation in chaos, potentially due to a few factors, including a desire for control, a heightened sense of self-importance, or a way to deflect from their inadequacies.
A 2022 study explained that instead of seeking stability, they might actively create or thrive in situations where others are struggling, or rules are unclear, allowing them to feel superior or avoid facing their vulnerabilities.
7. They don’t take criticism well
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Even when it’s constructive, they're always defensive and have a snarky comeback ready to go. Instead of using criticism as an opportunity to grow, they become defensive and respond with snarky remarks or justifications.
8. They’re always right
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Not really, but in their minds, they are. Their friends and loved ones don’t even bother arguing with them anymore, because it’s a lost cause. Instead, they resort to just walking away or taking some time to cool off and let it go.
9. They’re often spoiled
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Whether it’s their parents' fault or your partner's, they're used to getting their way, and their expectations are unrealistically through the roof. This sense of entitlement can lead to disappointment when things don't go as planned and can strain their relationships.
While the statement is an oversimplification, some research suggests that those who were overly indulged as children may struggle with certain aspects of adulthood, potentially leading to chaotic behaviors.
These struggles can include independence, financial management, and handling negative experiences. The need for conflict and chaos can stem from early childhood experiences with unpredictable caregivers, leading to a distorted perception of reality.
10. They always have something to complain about
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Nothing ever goes right for them. They constantly find something to complain about, whether it's the weather, traffic, or minor inconveniences. Their constant complaining drains the energy of those around them and brings everyone down.
11. They're emotionally reactive
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They tend to react emotionally, impulsively and intensely to situations, often without considering the consequences. Their emotional reactivity creates unnecessary chaos and makes it challenging to have open and calm conversations.
12. They manipulate and control others
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They tend to use emotional manipulation and control to get their way. Whether it's guilt-tripping or playing mind games, they leave those around them feeling manipulated and drained.
Manipulation, often used to create chaos, stems from a desire for control and dominance. Manipulators use a variety of tactics, including emotional abuse, deception, and gaslighting, to undermine the self-esteem and confidence of their targets, making them more susceptible to influence. According to a 2023 study, this manipulation can be a way for the manipulator to feel powerful or to mask a more profound sense of insecurity.
13. They make everything difficult for the people around them
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From planning outings to making decisions, they create unnecessary complications. Their need for chaos and attention makes it challenging for others to navigate everyday situations smoothly.
14. They're incredibly picky
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While there's nothing wrong with having high standards, they have specific preferences for everything, from food to relationships. Their pickiness leads to constant dissatisfaction and creates tension in their interactions.
15. They tend to play the victim
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Even when they're at fault, they portray themselves as the one who have been wronged. They seek sympathy and attention, hindering personal growth and burning bridges in the process.
Research suggests that playing the victim can be a defense mechanism, a form of manipulation, or a symptom of underlying personality disorders. The goal may be to garner sympathy, avoid responsibility, or maintain control rather than deliberately inciting chaos.
Being a chaos queen may just be a temporary phase they're going through, or there could be real underlying issues they’ve been ignoring. Either way, it’s time to take off that tiara and do some soul-searching before they find themselves searching for new friends.
Julia Bailey Fenton is a writer, content creator, consultant, and former contributor to BlogHer.
