Photo: Lauren Rader on Unsplash
It's not what you think it is.
By Bob Alaburda — Last updated on Mar 03, 2023
Sure, "Oh you're so big" is probably up near the top of the list, but it's not what will stick with him forever (though he might high-five his friends about it later).
The real answer is: "I appreciate you, as a person."
At first glance, that statement doesn't seem like the most impactful thing in the world, but here's why the words, "I appreciate you," are so powerful.
From a zoomed-out view of culture, men and women are often valued in superficial ways. For example, women are often reduced to nothing more than their beauty in society's eyes.
A woman could be the most incredible woman alive, but magazines will still want to put her on their covers in swimsuits and near-nude situations.
For men, the societal values we're judged by are all external: our career, power, status among peers, bank account, and even the car we drive.
As a whole, our society is very superficial. All anyone seems to care about is what you look like and what you have, which is the exact opposite of what love is supposed to be about.
When you see a man in a relationship with a woman who seems to be out of his league, everyone instantly thinks, "Man, he must make a lot of money," or "He must drive an expensive car."
Why isn't it ever that he must be a super-awesome dude? That he's hilarious, or crazy-smart, or loving and warm? That's why it means so much to hear that we're appreciated — for who we are. And who's to say that she doesn't have her own baggage?
Maybe he's been the only guy who's ever made her feel safe and happy. His lack of a car or mansion shouldn't diminish that.
Television, movies, magazines, and the world at large tell us that our value is tied to all of these external accomplishments, and that success is the true measure of a man's worth.
When you tell us that you love us for who we are instead of what we've done, it makes us feel valued as a person.
It also means we don't have to be afraid of failing at any of those things we're supposedly being judged on.
If you love us as a person, trust me, we know it.
It's just nice to be reminded that society is dumb, the same way you like to be reminded we don't just like you because of your body.
We are all going to age and get fat. It's the way of life and even a sign of a well-lived life. Make sure you share it with someone who appreciates you.
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Bob Alaburda is a senior editor at dvm360. His work has appeared in the Huffington Post, Ravishly, and more.