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This seems counterintuitive, but hear us out.
By Christine Schoenwald — Written on Jul 10, 2018
If I went on Facebook and saw that my boyfriend had unfriended me, I'd be furious to say the least. Thinking that my significant other voluntarily stopped himself from seeing my clever comments, hilarious #ThrowbackThursday pics, and event shares would feel like a huge rejection.
I wouldn't like being unfriended, but I can understand the point of deleting one's partner on social media, just as New York-based therapist and author Ian Kerner suggested in a recent interview with PRI.
Every relationship needs a little mystery, but if you're sharing every single thing you're doing on Facebook, your mystery goes out the window. There's nothing left for your partner to discover about you, and all the excitement of learning about someone is gone.
As Esther Perel, relationship and sexuality expert, and author of the book Mating in Captivity, says, "Love is not that you know your partner so well; it's that your partner is actually forever somewhat mysterious and unknown to you. That makes for the healthiest relationships."
When you're active on Facebook, you're sharing every little detail about your life for the world to see. It isn't just unique and fascinating things such as a trip to Prague or hiking in Yellowstone National Park.
It's the bowl of soup you had for lunch, and how funny your cat looks sitting in a box that's two sizes too small for them. Even the pictures you think are harmless — such as the picnic you had with your parents — can speak volumes.
When Kerner was on Facebook (he's since deleted himself from it), he saw the effect it had on his own relationship.
"I realized for a little while with my own wife that I didn't really want her to be my friend on Facebook," he said in the PRI interview. "I didn't want all that extra information. If anything, I wanted less information — I wanted more mystery and more unpredictability. So, I specifically unfriended her during my brief tenure on Facebook. It's something I do recommend to couples."
Yes, you read that correctly: Kerner believes that unfriending your spouse, significant other, or bae can actually help your relationship.
"There's something about being in a relationship where you want some unknowingness and some unpredictability," Kerner says.
I understand the need for mystery in a relationship, but that doesn't mean I want to be unfriended on Facebook. Healthy relationship or not, being unfriended wouldn't go over well with me, but the idea of sharing less personal information on social media and keeping some to myself isn't a bad idea.
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