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Useful tips from strangers on the internet.
By Kristen Droesch — Written on Mar 04, 2021
We know it may sound odd, but the fact of the matter remains that Reddit relationship advice can be unexpectedly wise.
If you've ever been confused about anything — from how to resolve conflicts to how to split up the chores fairly — these relationship hacks have got you covered.
We curated the list of tips below from responses shared when one Redditor asked the folks on r/AskReddit this question: "What are some boyfriend/girlfriend/relationship hacks?"
Here are 21 of the best pieces of Reddit relationship advice to help you transform your love life.
1. Make sure to notice the little things, even if it takes a little planning.
"I know a guy who has a standing $10 tip with his wife's hairdresser. He gets a call each time his wife gets her haircut with a brief description of what was done. Wife walks in the door, he says, 'Honey, did you get your hair done? It's a bit shorter and looks great!' Winners all around."
2. Creative conflict resolution is key.
"I have never been one for public displays of affection. My girlfriend (now wife) is big into PDA. She would often complain that I never tell her I loved her in public or shared a kiss or hug. I always held her hand and felt this was enough in public. She disagreed.
So, my solution was to discreetly show her my feelings by squeezing her hand twice and she would reply by squeezing my hand three times. I explained to her that two-hand squeezes meant 'love you' and three squeezes meant 'love you too.' This quickly caught on and we have been doing this for eight years now. She hasn't complained yet about the lack of PDA.
"As a bonus, when we married my wife purchased my wedding ring with 'squeeze squeeze' engraved inside."
3. Get to know your partner's sweet spots.
"My girlfriend knows that if she kisses me on the back of the neck, I can't stay angry. If I'm ever angry or upset, she won't let me fall asleep. Normally, I don't like to talk about my feelings. All she does is say my name softly and kiss the back of my neck, and I open right up after that.
I have little control; it makes me very comfortable. We've had great talks with me as the little spoon, and she just talks into the back of my neck."
4. Make communication a priority.
"My fiancée gets really upset with me if I work late and forget to text her. I often forget, and she won't make the first move to text me. It was getting to be a huge deal. Then I discovered the Llama app for my Android phone.
I set up a script that fires if the time is after 6:40 (I usually leave work by 6:15), if I am still connected to the cell tower at work, and if I can still see the WiFi network. This script sends a text that says, 'I'm going to be working late tonight,' and dings to let me know it sent.
"It's been working fantastic. I just recently added a new one that fires if the time is after 5:00 PM, and I have just left the work cell tower area, that sends an 'I am on my way home' message. She has been super-pleased at how consistent I have been about letting her know what is going on, and the best part is that I don't even have to remember to do anything. Thanks, technology!"
5. Be gentle.
"My girlfriend always falls asleep watching TV on the computer. Usually, I hold the laptop while she lays on my chest. She always falls asleep first, leaving me with the tricky task of rolling her off of me without waking her up.
Following some stupid suggestion I read in a magazine, I squeeze her gently, give her an audible kiss on the head, and then roll her over. I repeated these exact steps every time she went to sleep, with success.
After a year, I decided it was time to put my hard work to the test. She fell asleep on my chest as usual, but this time all I did was give her a light kiss on the forehead. As if by magic, she immediately rolled over! Now, no matter what position she falls asleep in, I can make her roll over just by making a kissing sound."
6. Learn how to practice 'I' messaging properly.
"I have something that I've taught a few friends that has always had great results. It could be considered a hack since it gives an easy framework to give accurate, positive communication which people love.
The trick is, you can't just say these words expecting reinforcement, but rather you mean what you say and hope it just makes them happier. This comes with an easy fill-in-the-blank format: 'I really like it when you do ____ because it makes me feel ____.'
For the first blank, choose something really simple that your S.O. does for you that never really gets noticed. This could be anything from doing your laundry to hugging you every time they come home. The first is the easy part; however, the second part is tricky. You need to identify an actual emotion that you experience towards the behavior.
For example, if the behavior is sending a goodnight text each night, a wrong emotion would be 'nice' (especially since this is not really an emotion). A poor emotion would be 'happy' (this is vague and somewhat meaningless). A good emotion would be 'loved' (communicates a powerful effect).
So, lets try it with the sentence format: 'I really like it when you send me a goodnight text every night because it makes me feel loved and cared for.'
When choosing the emotion, make sure it is something real that you feel, because they will be able to tell if you're just making stuff up. Some of the more powerful emotions include 'validated', 'secure', 'appreciated', 'safe', and 'sexy'. Sexy is a bit tricky, as is validated, but I would imagine that these might have the most powerful effect since many people have difficulty feeling sexy or validated as a person.
A little trick you could use with this is to pick an emotion (like validation) and find a behavior that reflects this: 'I really like it when you respect my opinion because it makes me feel validated as a person.'"
7. Don't try to solve your partner's problems.
"When she tells you her problems, don't give her advice. Just listen."
8. Appreciate each other.
"Have a moment of gratitude with her every day, and let her know something about her that you really appreciate."
9. Don't just listen — ask questions.
"Actually, better than just listening is asking questions. That way, you sound interested, she knows you're listening, and you can give advice by asking subtly leading questions that cause her to arrive personally to a good conclusion. I've recently begun to follow the 'ask questions instead of giving advice' philosophy and it has made interactions with my loved ones so much smoother."
10. Be loving, even when you fight.
"My husband and I don't fight very often, but when we do we decided we needed a sign to let the other person know that we still care and we're still there for them. So, we will hold hands and take turns squeezing the other's hand.
It works very well for us. It lets us know that the arguing isn't about me vs. you, it's us vs. this issue. We know that both of us are working towards a goal where everyone is happy and that we still love one another."
11. Do what you can to make each other happy.
"I listen to him when he talks, even if it's about something I find intolerably boring and ask follow up open-ended questions. This makes him happy and more likely to listen to the things I want to talk about, which he probably finds pretty boring as well.
I always meet him at the door with a beverage, a hug and kiss and a smile. This puts him in a good mood, so he doesn't stress and ruin my night when he's had a bad day. We go for walks together every day if possible. Gives us both some exercise and fresh air and some time to bond.
When I'm angry, I excuse myself and I go take a shower. It relaxes me and I think more rationally so that I can fight fair or apologize afterward. By the time I get out, one of us is usually sorry anyway.
Whenever he wants me to try something he enjoys, I give it a fair shot. He really likes it when I take interest in his hobbies, some simply do not catch on because of my short attention span and my own hobbies that take up a lot of my time, but if it makes him happy I will give it a try most of the time."
12. Share the load.
"My BF and I have divided up the chores. We never have to do the chore that we each, respectively, hate. I never have to wash dishes, take out the trash cans, or scoop dog poop. He never has to do laundry, clean the bathrooms, or change the sheets.
It's very low-stress and things around the house stay neat. In the instances that we both hate the same chore, we'll either do it together or take turns."
13. Do sweet things when there's no particular reason to.
"Don't buy flowers when you [mess] up. That's cliché. It's all right for anniversaries and birthdays, but the best time to buy your woman flowers is totally out of the blue. It's a thoughtful little gesture when its random, and it doesnt cost you much."
14. Figure out the best sleep positions for both of you.
"I have a full on awful sleep pattern, and never sleep well, constantly tossing and turning and kicking. My girlfriend found two ways around this.
The first is the way she positions herself in my arms, which is quite a secure and solid position. Given she is less than 5' tall and weighs next to nothing when I turn over she usually comes with me. She seems to sleep through it, and given I have a large bed I am yet to throw her out of it. Apparently it is better than being kicked or rolled on to.
The second is when we crash in a bed which is far too small for the two of us. I lie on my back and she lies on my front, stomach to stomach. As she is so small in comparison to my height (probably around 6'2") she fits quite snug using my torso as the mattress."
15. Consider using two separate blankets in the same bed.
"I emit a lot of body heat. This means I'm a great BHU (boyfriend heating unit) when necessary. The other side of this coin, unfortunately, is that my GF overheats if we're sharing a single set of covers. I can't sleep if I'm too cold, and she can't sleep if she's too warm.
Solution: I have my own blanket. I can regulate my own temperature, and she can do whatever she likes with the covers. If she's cold, she can snuggle. If she's too warm, she can kick off the covers and I won't freeze."
16. Tackle financial issues as a team.
"Split the bills evenly down the middle. Helps avoid resentment.
Reach an agreement about your money. Once the bills are paid, and your regular everyday house items are purchased, your money is your money. He wants a new video game? Let him have it. You want new clothes or that one thing you've been eyeing for weeks? Get it.
We get paid on the same pay period: the 5th and the 20th of every month. The 5th is rent and groceries; the 20th, is the power bill, internet, and household items (TP, shampoo, body wash, dish soap, etc.). After that, We usually do a date night of sorts, dinner, and a movie.
17. Make sure you take time for yourselves as individuals.
"If you live together, enjoy your time apart. I like my days off when he works all day. Allows me to clean, or do whatever I want at my own pace. Sometimes it's annoying to see the same person every day, especially if you live together. Then again, I'm just a person who enjoys my quiet time."
18. Focus on the behavior, not character, when arguing.
"When arguing, focus on behavior not character. 'When you do X it makes me feel Y' is something someone can do something about. 'You always X and you are a Y' is less constructive and more likely to elicit a defensive response."
19. Pay attention throughout the year to be a great gift giver.
"I pride myself on being a great gift-giver. I genuinely enjoy doing thoughtful things for someone else, but I only have the money to do it up big about 3 times a year.
Whenever I hear a boyfriend or a friend mention something they want, I make a note of it in my phone. When anniversaries or holidays come up, I just pull up the list and see what's on sale!"
20. Keep a stash of handwritten, deeply personal love notes on hand.
"I write sometimes, usually in large chunks. When I'm feeling inclined to do so, I'll write a huge batch of poems in an evening, stash them in my laptop somewhere, and dish them out to her one by one every now and then.
We've been dating for two-and-a-half years, and I probably have about 100 or so I still haven't used. She is very pleased, and it usually brightens her day/diffuses angry situations when she recieves a nice handwritten note. Even if I'm angry, there's nice words I've written when my head was in a better place."
21. Hug it out.
"This is my boyfriend's trick. Every time I start getting irritated or if we're fighting, he hugs me for 20 seconds. It never fails to put me in a better mood. He read it somewhere, something about 'happy hormones' being released. By god does it work."
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Kristen Droesch is a writer, editor, librarian-in-progress, and filthy olive addict who loves jewelry design, and bunnies.