8 Hot Texts From My Real-Life Dominant (I'm The Submissive)

I have a real-life Christian Grey and damn, he's diiiiirty.

sub woman getting texts from her dominant Getty

With the introduction of Christian Grey and Ana Steele in "50 Shades of Grey," the sexy film that took the world by storm, the concept of Dominant/submissive (or D/s) relationships was introduced to a whole new audience. Suddenly, people everywhere realized, "Hey, it could actually be really hot to be the submissive in a relationship."

When you're interested in learning about and connecting to someone in this type of bond, it's important to have someone that you trust, first and foremost.


Unlike the pretense of 50 Shades where Ana Steele gets pushed into doing things that made her uncomfortable, real Dom/sub relationships are about creating a place of safety and trust — and being absolutely hot as hell, to boot.

Are you obsessed with the idea of having a "Master" who orders you around? Then you'd likely get pretty excited over being the submissive, as I am. And if you're more the domineering type, however, then maybe having someone to bend to your will is what gets you hot and bothered.

So, after realizing that a D/s relationship was something I was interested in, I went and did my homework. After months of research and learning about healthy, well-structured D/s relationships, I happened upon a gentleman who was interested in taking on and training a submissive of his own.


I was unbelievably excited to get started, not only because it would push me from my comfort zone sexually, but also because it was new and exciting.

After some serious negotiations in regards to what was and wasn't allowed on both sides, we began to assume our roles as Dominant and Submissive through text.

RELATED: Find Out Where You Fall In The Spectrum Of Vanilla/Kinky Sex!


Now, we both agreed that neither of us would ever want to assume these kinky roles with life partners as they are mentally and emotionally demanding on both parties — but the rewards for each of us in regards to giving up and taking complete control are intoxicating.

And, I’ve found, better than any therapy session I've ever been involved in, in most cases.

So without further ado, here's how to be dominant over text as shown in 8 kinky sexting examples to me, a sub, from my real-life Dom.

1. Some days, my Dominant gives me explicit sexual instructions.

how to be dominant over text instructions


Dom: Where are you right now?

Sub: Lost in the illustrious world of laundry and daily domesticity.

Dom: Stop what you are doing and reach down and masturbate yourself for two minutes. Picture my hand in place of yours. When you are wet enough, place two fingers inside. At the end of two minutes stop and clean your fingers with your mouth. Then go back to your domestic chores.

2. His instructions via text are sexually explicit down to the last detail.

The satisfaction for him comes from knowing I'm doing as he commands while the reward for me is to be shoved out of my comfort zone and forced to notice the reactions of my own body.

how to be dominant over text get explicit


Dom: At 11:00 I want you to go to a room by yourself and masturbate for one minute exactly. Do the same for exactly one minute every hour on the hour until 5:00 this afternoon. Beyond that you may only touch your nipples throughout the day, but nothing else.

how to be dominant over text explicit

Dom: I want you to go online and find porn with a female submissive. It needs to be something that immediately gets you excited. No tumblr images, but a video at least 10 minutes long. Once you've found it and before you start it text me and wait for my response.

how to be dominant over text explicit


Dom: Good. Unfortunately I can't watch it right now. But that's one of the reasons I have you. Turn the volume off and start the movie. As you watch it, text me detailed descriptions of what you are seeing, but placing yourself in the scene and using first person pronouns. You may pause it if you need to. You may also pleasure yourself, but only with your hands and only to the extent it doesn't interrupt your texts. And no toys. Yet.

RELATED: 5 Kinky (But Not Scary) Sex Positions Everyone Should Try

3. Other times, he'll text me kinky, detailed scenarios.

how to be a dom over text scenario


Dom: Waking up this morning I felt like rolling over and taking your wrists with my hands, pulling them over your head. My hands are big enough that I could hold both of your arms with just one, allowing the other to slowly move down over your neck, your chest, your side, until I reached down and forced your legs apart.

how to be a dom over text scenario part 2

Dom: It's nice to know that I could theoretically stop by right now, pull you into the bathroom and masturbate you to a quick orgasm without anyone knowing.

4. My Dom's texts make my knees weak and my pulse quicken every time I read them.

how to degrade a sub over text


Dom: Just the thought of you wagging your rear end makes me hard. And then it makes me want to reach out and grab it, hold it still with one hand, and pull down your pants and underwear with the other. If I was feeling playful, I would start spanking you while you squirmed. If I wasn't, I would just force myself inside of you, not even bothering to see if you were wet enough to receive me. Because I know you would be, very shortly.

5. One morning I woke up angry, and using keywords, I signaled my desire to role play a punishment scene.

In less than 15 minutes, I felt as though he'd hit a reset button on my brain and I floated through the remainder of the day. (Keep in mind that he never even touched me.)

how to be dominant over text punishment

Dom: A small thing like you is easy to keep on the ground with just one knee in between your shoulder blades. Allowing my hands to grab your arms and bring them together behind your back. A few circles of tape around your wrists should be enough to keep you from trying anything with your hands.


how to be a dominant over text punishment part 2

Sub: You think you can teach me a lesson? You think you're tough enough to make me actually listen to you?

Dom: Once I drag you back up to your knees I'll take your jaw in my hand and force you to look me in the eyes. Any failure to make eye contact will result in a swift slap across the side of your face. I'll want you to look at me so you know exactly who's doing this to you. I want you to remember the look on my face when I'm upset with you. And what happens to you when I'm upset with you.

Sub: You think that's enough to scare me? Try again.


6. I willingly let him take control and refer to him as "Sir."

how to be dominant over text sir

Sub: Indeed it does, Sir.

Dom: I want you to know that whatever depraved kinky things we do together, few will be as subtly arousing as when I know you are referring to me as Sir in your head.

Sub: I am assuming you will want my hair down, Sir?


Dom: Seeing as how at various points in the evening I will have a significant part of it clenched in my hand, you are correct.

7. His direction, control, and praise via text message are just plain hot as hell.

how to be dominant over text praise

Dom: I want to destroy you. But I also want to be able to put you back together so we can do It all over again.


how to be dominant over text praise part 2

Dom: Stocking and heels. Skirt or dress. No underwear. Hair down. No lipstick.

8. And knowing that I make him hot over text message makes me even more turned on.

how to be dominant over text


Dom: If you were wearing those around me during the average work day I would have to add a new line to my budget for replacement underwear. There is no way I wouldn't have pushed you against the wall and torn those off by noon.

We all have things, and this is one of mine.

I love handing over complete control at times and I'm relieved to have a partner whom I can trust to stay within the parameters of control I've set for myself outside of our more formal relationship.

I don't want to marry him. I don't even want to date him.

I just want to know that on the days I feel as though I'm falling apart, he'll break me completely and then smash me back together, stronger than I was before.


RELATED: 15 DDLG Quotes That Explain Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Alex Alexander is a frequent contributor to YourTango.