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She's fiercely independent, and she's all yours.
By James Michael Sama — Last updated on Jun 08, 2023
I wanted to turn the tables a bit and discuss the woman of today. The woman who wants the gentleman.
The woman who wants to be shown by the right man that we are not all the same. The woman who wants to hold herself to higher standards and be an equal teammate to the man in her life.
Just like there are standards of conduct to be met in order to call one’s self a "gentleman," the same goes for a "lady."
So, then, what are some signs that the strong woman in your life has matured to the point where she can be the equal half of a power couple?
Here are 10 rare signs you're dating a strong woman — not a little girl:
1. She doesn't need you, but she wants you
There is a quote I remember reading once that said something to the effect of: "Immature love says, 'I love you because I need you,' while mature love says, 'I need you because I love you.'"
This is an important concept because an established, intelligent, strong woman certainly does not need a man to take care of her — but she will want a teammate that she can take on the world with, who will have the same drive and ambition as she does, and she can form a mutual support system with.
It is always important to remember that men want to be wanted and if a woman is too apathetic toward him or really pushes the "I don’t need no man" attitude, it will just drive him away.
2. She can hold a meaningful conversation
It doesn’t matter if you're talking about something trivial or life’s greatest mysteries; it's easy to spot the stark differences between a girl whose primary interests include sparkly shoes and the Kardashians and a woman with depth who you can have a real, meaningful conversation with.
The type of woman you marry is one whom you know you will not constantly have to stress over topics of conversation with. She is not one you will have to pry three words out of as an answer to an important question.
She is one you know you can communicate effectively with when it comes to life decisions. She is one you are comfortable having to make decisions when you are not around. She is one who has her own opinions and will let you know exactly what they are. She is one you can talk to for hours and be disappointed when the conversation ends.
3. She takes pride in her appearance, but it comes second to her inner beauty
Class is not a matter of style. It is not a matter of the price tag on your outfit. Class is in how you carry yourself, how you present yourself, and how you treat other people.
One cannot be considered "classy" simply due to how one dresses — it’s a matter of what you exude from within. Man or woman.
4. She doesn't expect things from you but appreciates you
As a man, I take pride in my ability to take care of a woman. Particularly at the beginning of a relationship, I enjoy picking her up, paying for dates, and taking a more traditional role when it comes to courtship.
That being said, it's much appreciated when a woman reciprocates and shows you she is willing to contribute as well, rather than sitting back and expecting you to take care of everything just because she's a woman.
A lady will appreciate the things you do for her and the effort you put in. That is a much different message to send a man than that of entitlement.
5. She understands less is not always more
Yes, I’m talking about clothing. A lady who carries herself with class knows how to put herself together to look sexy but refined. She walks the line between sexy and beautiful — and is never trashy.
Girls think that the higher their skirt, the sexier they look. A lady is confident enough to know she can be completely covered up and still hold the attention of every or any man in the room if that’s what she wants.
6. She doesn't constantly seek attention
Most times, the women who don’t look for attention are exactly the ones we should be giving our attention to. A girl who is always being brighter, louder, or shinier in order to get the attention of those around her is telegraphing the fact that she is not comfortable enough in her own skin in order to be fulfilled with herself.
She is still looking for outside validation in order to boost her own confidence. A lady appreciates the attention you give her but she does not require it to thrive.
7. She has a vision for her future
A girl will just float along in life without really having much direction. Of course, it takes some of us longer than others to figure out what we want in the long term (it has taken me a while), but eventually, we have to grow up and get our ducks in a row, otherwise, we will have nothing guiding us towards a real future.
The house, the cars, the dog(s), the kid(s), the business(es) — whatever it is that she wants in her life, she will know and will probably already be working toward it by the time you meet her. If you're lucky, she will want you to be her teammate and build your empire together.
8. She understands the importance of compromise
A girl holds a "my way or the highway" attitude and will put her stake in the ground without the intention to move it. A lady understands that life is constantly changing and nobody knows everything.
Someone may enter her life or a new experience may change her outlook on something — and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s the only way we can learn and grow as human beings.
That being said, of course, values are important and nobody should sacrifice who they are or what they think is right without a damn good reason to do it but as they say, be firm on your goals but flexible in your approach.
9. She takes responsibility for her own life
Whether man or woman, a sure mark of maturity is the ability to recognize your own mistakes and shortcomings in order to work on them. Immaturity leads someone to think they "have it all figured out" and if anything is going to go haywire in their life, it's going to be someone else’s fault.
It's easy to see how this would halt progress or conversation in a relationship as well as put constant strain on a situation where one partner is always avoiding blame.
10. She's someone you can envision a future with
Until recently, the concept of sharing a long-term future with someone was always a fuzzy one to me. I would think about five or ten years down the road and really not be sure if I could see myself with the same woman I was currently spending time with.
While this is not necessarily reflective of the maturity level of the woman, it certainly can be.
While a girl will only have you looking a few weeks or months down the road, a lady is someone you can picture waking up next to 10 years from now and still wanting to kiss. A lady is someone you can picture coming home to and being excited about it the whole way there. A lady is someone you can picture picking up your kids at soccer practice.
A lady is someone you want as your co-pilot in life. Your teammate. Your best friend. your confidant. And your lover.
She is one who makes you want to be, do, and become better. A lady’s presence in your life will make you want to become the best version of yourself without changing who you are. Not just because of what she does or says but because of who she is.
She will change your outlook on life and on love. She will show you that all of that time you spent with the wrong girls — the girls who made you wonder if they were all the same, the girls you couldn’t really take seriously or picture a future with — was worth it because when you find her you will appreciate her even more.
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James Michael Sama is a relationship expert who writes about dating and relationships. He speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness, and has been featured in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.
This article was originally published at James M. Sama. Reprinted with permission from the author.