17 Thoughts We'll Have While Watching 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'

Fifty Shades of Grey 50 Shades Of Grey Dakota Johnson Jamie Dornan Christian Grey Ana Steele

Women all over the country will be flocking to the theater this weekend to see Fifty Shades Of Grey, the first in a three-part movie series. Lord, help us.

The reviews hit hard this week. At a surprisingly high 33 percent on Rotten Tomatoes at the time of writing (note: this writer does expect that rating to drop as more votes come in...), our expectations are about as low as can be. For what it's worth, this movie could (but probably not) have some redeeming moments. We've heard there are some jokes!

While called by some as the worst movie they've ever seen, Dakota Johnson has received some praise for her portrayal of wimpy Anastasia Steele. But the same can't be said for Jamie Dornan as Mr. Grey. He's been called "a casting disaster."

We have yet to see the movie, but we're sure these will be some of the thoughts running through our mind during those two hours of suffering.

Cue the gags. (And not the sexual ones.)

OK, so this is awkward Haven't quite felt it this intensely before.
Justin Timberlake - <a href="http://rack.3.mshcdn.com/media/ZgkyMDEzLzA4LzEzLzQxL2p1c3RpbnRpbWVyLmI4ODBjLmdpZgpwCXRodW1iCTg1MHg4NTA-CmUJanBn/b8d31564/011/justin-timerlake.jpg"/>mashable</a>

Justin Timberlake - mashable

Nope, nobody talks like that The writing is atrocious!
Fifty Shades of Grey - <a href="http://delightfull.eu/blog/wp-content/uploads/jamie-dornan-gifs-50-shades-of-grey-trailer-wow-dakota-johnson.gif"/>PerezHilton</a>

Fifty Shades of Grey - PerezHilton

Why am I here again?
The Little Mermaid - <a href="http://cdn.ymaservices.com/editorial_service/media/images/000/017/842/original/DS_-_regret.gif.gif?1404134181"/>raiseyourflag</a>

The Little Mermaid - raiseyourflag

How much longer is this movie? Please free me And Anastasia.
Dakota Johnson - <a href="http://25.media.tumblr.com/7f0ce70b9f94405346133a4d35786c79/tumblr_mzao2mUxr11s9qyxio2_250.gif"/>tumblr</a>

Dakota Johnson - tumblr

Time for a popcorn refill
Matthew Broderick - <a href="http://i.imgur.com/9XMri23.jpg"/>imgur</a>

Matthew Broderick - imgur

Jamie Dornan Terrible actor. Not-so-terrible abs.
Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey - <a href="http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/fiftyshadesofgrey/images/b/b0/Tumblr_n9c0gqqwk51si4n1ho2_500.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150128222644"/>wikia</a>

Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey - wikia

Who bites her lips this much?
Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele - <a href="https://38.media.tumblr.com/25d697fdaee9d0e9aedf16787d211323/tumblr_nfromhrd1c1thr86vo1_500.gif"/>tumblr</a>

Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele - tumblr

Fully hate-watching
That '70s Show - <a href="http://blogs.baruch.cuny.edu/fro12dtg/files/2012/11/tumblr_m7w3loCBWS1rneryto1_500.gif"/>cuny</a>

That '70s Show - cuny

I should have watched this at home Alone. Not with 300 horny women.
Allison Williams on 'GIRLS' - <a href="http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/miserable.gif"/>wordpress</a>

Allison Williams on 'GIRLS' - wordpress

Oh God, do I hear a woman moaning in this theater?
Emma Stone - <a href="http://media4.popsugar-assets.com/files/2014/07/29/086/n/1922283/56839e980cc24b6f_thumb_temp_cover_file8452101406673741.xxxlarge/i/How-Scary-American-Horror-Story.gif"/>popsugar</a>

Emma Stone - popsugar

There are too many people here and they're too excited
Rebel Wilson - <a href="http://media.tumblr.com/43828c828184ca16143419557f330a96/tumblr_inline_mfwkfuSFl01rssn1f.gif"/>tumblr</a>

Rebel Wilson - tumblr

Again, why did I do this to myself?
Andy Samberg - <a href="http://cdn3.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/awkward-gif.gif"/>gurl</a>

Andy Samberg - gurl

Maybe this means I'm a masochist?
Adam Pally - <a href="https://p.gr-assets.com/540x540/fit/hostedimages/1380426087/850965.gif"/>goodreads</a>

Adam Pally - goodreads

This is not sexy This is the opposite of chemistry. Didn't they test the actors for chemistry before casting?
Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan in '50 Shades Of Grey' - <a href=" http://38.media.tumblr.com/be9597c1d877b036356b3176bc4da201/tumblr_n98damuLjT1t70ckxo2_500.gif"/>tumblr</a>

Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan in '50 Shades Of Grey' - tumblr

Still rooting for Ian Somerhalder as Christian
Ian Somerhalder - <a href="http://31.media.tumblr.com/4940c1b76d132de27a04442550176949/tumblr_msyex1KawW1shkdoho1_500.gif"/>tumblr</a>

Ian Somerhalder - tumblr

Are they really going to make two more of these movies? Why must that happen? Can we get a new cast?
Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie on 'SATC' - <a href="https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/filer_private/2014/03/31/02_disbelief.gif"/>backstage</a>

Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie on 'SATC' - backstage

And just how many times are they going to say vanilla?
Jason Segel - <a href="https://ethereal365.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/tumblr_m1tm7onswt1r9udrko1_500.gif"/>wordpress</a>

Jason Segel - wordpress