Photo: We Heart It
"Nope dot com. I need to test the merchandise."
By Amanda Chatel — Written on Jun 02, 2017
Although trying to find someone who doesn't practice pre-marital sex isn't easy these days, they still exist.
Whether they were raised to keep it in their pants for religious reasons or gave it a whirl and are now remaining celibate until marriage for other reasons, not everyone is down for a sexually active relationship before tying the knot. Yes, some people just want to wait.
I asked the ladies their thoughts on dating someone who wants to wait until they're married before they have sex.
Is it awesome, because you want to wait, too? A nightmare, because you always have to test the car before you buy it? Or OK, cool, whatever, as long as they're into other stuff that will produce an orgasm?
Here's what they had to say...
Probably not, but can't say "No way" for sure.
"Personally, I would never judge someone for wanting to wait, and I would never say no way to a date (or multiple dates) because of that. I'm very slow to sleep with someone myself, so it would almost be comforting to me that I know there'd be no pressure....
Now, I wouldn't know how long I'd actually be able to go without having sex … I would hate to pressure them into breaking their values, but I don't know if I could actually go through with an engagement or marriage without having sex with them first," says Steph, 25.
"Very, very, very, very unlikely that I would stick around," says Jessica, 28.
No thanks. No way. Not gonna happen.
"I married my first boyfriend. We were virgins when we started dating but we didn't wait until marriage. I was all about testing the car before you buy it. I've always had a high sex drive and I can't be with someone long term with whom I'm not sexually compatible," says Colleen, 30.
"I always test out the equipment. Never occurred to me not to. Reflecting on this, if we waited and it was terrible or we didn't have similar needs/desires, I'd be a very unhappy girl. Once upon a time, I was dating someone, we were both virgins and I was always making the first move.
After two years of patience and not even really rounding second base I got super frustrated, started thinking that something was wrong with me, began regarding him as a brother, and then ended it. So it's very important to me. (P.S. He's now a priest, go figure.) Then there was the guy with long-standing ED that wasn't motivated enough after a few months to even try to medicate it. Bye-bye," says Jen, 33.
"Nope. What is the point of that?" asks Kate, 34.
"Wait until marriage? Mwahahahaaa.... I wouldn't ever marry someone whose religious beliefs were so conservative he'd think this would be a good idea. (Plus I'm an atheist. Religion ain't my thang. Period.) I suppose someone could advocate celibacy for political reasons, but the Shakers died out, ya know?
And then there's the leftover group: dudes who wait until marriage because there's something disordered about their sexuality, or they experienced some form of sexual trauma. In that instance, I would be doing everything in my power to make sure the guy I'm with is getting the help he needs and we would NOT be getting married until those issues had been dealt with fully," says Diana, 36.
"I married my first boyfriend (high five, Colleen!), but hell the F no. Absolutely not OK to wait after marriage, in my opinion. We obviously didn't," says Amanda, 27.
"Nope dot com. I need to test the merchandise," says Sarah, 38.
"Even before I started having sex, I was of the opinion that for two people to REALLY commit, they need to know how they work in that department. Obviously, not saying you need to sleep together right away, but for me personally at least, I'm not interested in any wedding night surprises. So yeah, NOPE," says Becky, 30.
