Show Your Moobs! David Beckham's Nipples Are Ideal, Says Science

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david beckham
Self

When it comes to men, I've always considered myself somewhat picky.

I'm not picky when it comes to the physical stuff, but I definitely have some requirements when it comes to intelligence and a sense of humor.

If you're not funny, I just can't be bothered, and the same goes if you're not educated. As for the rest of it, I'm pretty open.

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Because of this, I guess that's why I've never paid much attention to men's nipples. Unless a dude has "moobs," as they're called, which, of course, happens, I'm pretty indifferent to that part of a man.

In fact, I've never heard of any of my female friends commenting on the shape, size, or color of their boyfriends' nipples, but that doesn't mean that men aren't aware of their "imperfect" areolas.

Enter David Beckham's nipples. They are perfection.

In news that makes one roll their eyes and mutter, "RIP society," men are paying thousands of dollars to get David Beckham's nipples.

While some undergo the surgery after extreme weight loss, others are just waltzing into a doctors' office with a photo of Beckham's nipples and all but say, "Those. I want those!" 

If you're unsure what constitutes a perfect nipple, then allow me to explain: A perfect nipple is one that is flat, small, almond-shaped, and "slightly darker than the surrounding skin."

Dr. Jeyaram Srinivasan, of the Royal Preston Hospital, showed 62 volunteers 100 sets of nipples to find out exactly what is the very definition of awesome nipples.

What it came down to, in a roundabout way, is that Beckham has the best nipples, and if you don't have ones that look like that, then your nipples are just awful.

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What was also discovered? If you have great abs, people will be more accepting of your ugly nipples. Well, isn't that a relief?

Dr. Srinivasan says he performs about 40 nipple reductions a year, and the 45-minute long process will require a night at the hospital, on top of the thousands of dollars that it costs for such a thing.

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As someone who's very much pro-plastic surgery, if that's what makes you happy, we can all agree that nipple surgery is a bit much.

It's on par with liposuction surgery for the toes, which was something Kim Kardashian supposedly did, not that we should be surprised by such extravagance on her part at all.

I'd like to think the average Joe on the street wouldn't pull a Kardashian, but maybe that's just wishful thinking.

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Editor's Note: This article was originally posted in October 2014 and was updated with the latest information.

Amanda Chatel is a writer and essayist whose work has been published in Shape Magazine, Bustle, Glamour, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post and others. Follow her on Twitter for more.