How To Take Sexy-As-Hell Selfies (As Explained By Naked Barbie)

Photo: Casey Mullins
How To Take Nude Selfies & Pics With Sexy Poses (Modeled By Naked Barbie)

Do not take a sexy selfie until you read this.

As a professional photographer, I'm disappointed with the state of the selfie, the "sexy selfie" in particular.

With the sheer amount of "leaked" photos on the Internet, it's infuriating that we're raising the next generation to believe that terribly composed, naked iPhone photos are sexy.

Nope. Not even a little.

For goodness sake, the nude photo used to be an art form, but lately it seems we seem to have forgotten how truly sexy the human body can be in all its subtlety.

RELATED: 20 Of The Most Scandalous Celebrity Instagram Photos Ever

(Lest I sound shame-y, I, too, have been guilty of the full face, full-on boob shot. And guess what? My husband never complained — and your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/sex partner probably won't either.)

But after becoming more involved in boudoir and portrait photography, I discovered that there are many more exciting ways to increase the mystery of a nude picture without simply flashing your boobs — and guess what? They're super-easy.

Follow these tips using the best nude poses (illustrated with a little help from our pal, naked Barbie) and your sexy selfies won't just stand out, they'll practically moan with excitement.

1. If you take it, assume everyone will see it.

If your phone (or your lover's phone) ever goes missing, you'll want as little damning evidence on there as possible. If you send naked photos with both your face and nipples in plain view, you could very well end up in a a Google search, a gross meme, terribly embarrassed, or all of the above. Same goes for identifying jewelry or tattoos. Proceed with caution.

2. Send your face or your body, not both.

Go ahead and send a sexy pout with a suggestive bare shoulder, but if you're sending your bare butt or boobs leave any identifying parts of your face out. Besides, it's a lot of work to get a photo where your face AND butt look good (at least it is for me). And remember: a little mystery is sexy. Shadows on a collarbone can be infinitely more seductive than a straight-on tit shot. (Plus, if you can't be easily identified in your nude selfies, you have that much less to worry about after a messy breakup.)

3. Do not send a crotch shot unless specifically requested.

Let's be honest, vaginas aren't exactly the prettiest thing in the world. Even if your face is as gorgeous as Megan Fox's, if your other "lips" are showing they're all the viewer is going to be able to focus on. (Same goes for your penis, fellas. Why must you insist on sending us junk shots? We'd much rather see a flexed bicep or that little dip at your hipbone.) Also, it's really strange when you leave your underwear bunched up around your knees. (Is that a fetish I'm unaware of?) It just looks lazy and weird.

RELATED: These 18 Hot, Sexy Instagram Dads Will Make You Pass Out

4. Double-check your background.

If a racy selfie of my daughter taken in a filthy bedroom hit the Internet,  I'd be more furious about her negligent attention to detail than the photo itself. I don't care how hot you are — if you're a slob, it's gross. Is there trash on the floor behind you? A pile of dirty laundry in the background? White spots on the mirror? Pay attention to what's in your photo, because while YOU may be focused on your fierce face and excellent rack, WE can see the toilet, toddler, or trashcan in the background — and trust us, it ain't pretty.

5. Good lighting is key.

If you're somewhere with excellent lighting, TAKE ADVANTAGE. Capture a few shots to send later on rather than using crappy fluorescent lighting at 10 p.m. when you're in the mood to send your lover a little something, something. Is it cheating? Perhaps, but unless your beloved asked you what you're wearing rightthissecond, a hot shot where you're glowing in the morning sun will keep your mate happy until they can see you again.

Lighting hints: Some of the best places to find good lighting are in hotel rooms during the day. White walls + white sheets = you will practically glow. Standing in front of a window is always better than standing in front of a lamp, although bright, direct sunlight can be a bit harsh. Try  turning your phone's camera on yourself and walk around in front of different windows until you find a spot where you are evenly lit and your eyes sparkle.

6. Suck it in, hold it up (but don't make it obvious).

Every girl knows the elbows under the boobs trick to make her cleavage pop. Most of us also know the right angles to make us look curvy where it matters and a little smaller where it doesn't. Here's the catch: no one should be able to tell that you're pushing stuff in or holding stuff up, it ruins the illusion. Even if you're terribly uncomfortable, no one will ever know you almost popped your hip out of joint to get the perfect curve as long as the photo looks good.

7. Duckface is out, gasping is in

Newsflash: The entire world is over duckface. No one can see that pose anymore without rolling their eyes. So what do you do with your mouth, then? Right before snapping your photo, quickly gasp the way you would during some good, old-fashioned lovemaking. Part your lips ever so slightly and as you inhale, heave those bosoms and think about how damn sexy you are. Works like a charm.

RELATED: Why Other Women Silently Judge You For That Bedroom Mirror Selfie

Casey Mullins is a professional photographer and writer based in Salt Lake City, Utah. Follow her on Instagram for more.