41 Anti-Love Quotes From The World's Most Famous Cynics

Gotten burned by love? Play it cool with one of these zingers.

You can never be wise and in love at the same time. Bob Dylan YourTango
Advertisement

Whether it's a funny one-liner or a genuinely jaded jab, sometimes great love quotes can really speak to what you're feeling — especially when you're feeling the sting of love gone south.

Continue below to read what some of the world's greatest cynics had to say about love in these anti-love quotes:

1. "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution." — Mae West​

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. Mae West

Advertisement

RELATED: 31 Best Funny Love Quotes From Comedians That Describe Your Crazy Relationship

2. "Love is a promise delivered already broken." — Steve Martin

Love is a promise delivered already broken. Steve Martin

3. "Men should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, disposable." — Cher​

Men should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, disposable. Cher

Advertisement

4. "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." — Rodney Dangerfield​

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield

5. "Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage." — Ambrose Bierce​

Advertisement

6. "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." — Socrates​

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

7. "A kiss may ruin a human life." — Oscar Wilde​

A kiss may ruin a human life. Oscar Wilde

Advertisement

8. "My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese. Most of it's missing, and what's there stinks." — Joan Rivers​

9. "Love is a grave mental disease." — Plato​

Love is a grave mental disease. Plato

Advertisement

10. "You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." — Henny Youngman​

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. Henny Youngman

RELATED: 30 Funny Quotes About Friendship To Use In Your Next Instagram Captions

11. "Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of 'Everybody Loves Raymond', only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever." — "Knocked Up​"

Advertisement

Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of 'Everybody Loves Raymond', only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever. Knocked Up

12. "If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married." — Katharine Hepburn​

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. Katharine Hepburn

13. "Behind every successful man is a woman, and behind her is his wife." — Groucho Marx​

Advertisement

Behind every successful man is a woman, and behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx

14. "Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." — Lynda Barry​

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. Lynda Barry

15. "Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows." — Paulo Coelho​

Advertisement

Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows. Paulo Coelho

16. "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." — Jim Carrey​

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.Jim Carrey

17. "Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams." — Fyodor Dostoyevsky​

Advertisement

Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. Fyodor Dostoyevsky

18. "Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance." — Oscar Wilde​

19. "A man is only as faithful as his options." — Chris Rock​

Advertisement

A man is only as faithful as his options. Chris Rock

20. "Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love." — Isaac Disraeli​

Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love. Isaac Disraeli

RELATED: 50 Best Savage Quotes For When You're In A Super-Sassy Mood

Advertisement

21. "Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell." ― Joan Crawford

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. Joan Crawford

22. "Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby: awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." ― Lemony Snicket

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby: awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. Lemony Snicket

Advertisement

23. "Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed." ― Laurell K. Hamilton

Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed. Laurell K. Hamilton

24. "The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Advertisement

25. "Love is a many splintered thing." — The Simpsons

Love is a many splintered thing. The Simpsons

26. "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." — Robin Williams

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. Robin Williams

Advertisement

27. "Falling in love is so hard on the knees." — Aerosmith

Falling in love is so hard on the knees. Aerosmith

28. "You can never be wise and be in love at the same time." ― Bob Dylan

You can never be wise and be in love at the same time. Bob Dylan

Advertisement

29. "My love is expansive. Your love is expensive.
" ― Jarod Kintz

My love is expansive. Your love is expensive.
 Jarod Kintz

30. "Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species." — W. Somerset Maugham

Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. W. Somerset Maugham

Advertisement

31. "Can there be a love which does not make demands on its object?" — Confucius

Can there be a love which does not make demands on its object? Confucius

32. "A woman is faithful to her first lover for a long time — unless she happens to take a second." — Francois de La Rochefoucauld

A woman is faithful to her first lover for a long time, unless she happens to take a second. Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Advertisement

33. "Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die." — Johnny Carson

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. Johnny Carson

34. "No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves." — Edgar Watson Howe

Advertisement

No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves. Edgar Watson Howe

35. "A woman tries to get all she can out of a man, and a man tries to get all he can into a woman." — Isaac Goldberg

A woman tries to get all she can out of a man, and a man tries to get all he can into a woman. Isaac Goldberg

36. "A man's love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished." — Zsa Zsa Gabor

Advertisement

A man's love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor

37. "What's love but a secondhand emotion?" — Tina Turner

What's love but a secondhand emotion? Tina Turner

Advertisement

38. "People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy." — Bob Hope

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. Bob Hope

39. "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." — George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

Advertisement

40. "Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debating." — Ray Bandy

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debating. Ray Bandy

41. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." — Groucho Marx

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. Groucho Marx

Advertisement

RELATED: 14 Songs About Being Single And Proud For Anyone Who's Alone And Happy About It

YourTango brings our community of readers, writers, thought leaders, and the world’s leading relationship and mental health experts together to connect and engage where it matters most: the heart.