Weird News: Tis The Season For Semen

Plus some other things you probably don't know about sperm and semen.

very happy sperm

Semen! With the possible exception of Bud Light, no fluid is as responsible for the propagation of the human species. Some of us think it's funny, some of us are grossed out by it and the lucky few of us cannot get enough of the sticky swimmers. Despite it's ubiquity (have you seriously ever taken a black light to a hotel room?), we're still finding out new and newer things out about the mother-of-pearl goo.


According to a study from Ben-Gurion University of the Negev in Israel suggests that our male gametes have been reading the Book Of Ecclesiastes. Per the study (check it at Yahoo!), sperm are at their healthiest during the winter and early spring months. Like a man prone to butt sweat, cool weather was most comfortable for the sperm in terms of count and motility (speed). While the numbers aren't terribly divergent, there is a statistical difference to being cooler than cool. Like their originators, sperm prefers to play it cool in general. The pregnancy paste can be stored roughly indefinitely with liquid nitrogen which tilts the thermometer at a balmy -321 degrees Fahrenheit. 


Speaking of all seasons, in the 500 intervening years since the beginning of the rule of Henry VIII, most of us are pretty aware that a child's gender is determined by the father's contribution to the equation (give or take a pH balance or two). That knowledge may have saved a few heads but per Shettles Method there is a difference between the X and Y swim teams. The story goes that, in a grim facsimile of human life, the male sperm are faster but the female sperm live longer. In fact, the reason why you can still sorta get pregnant during your monthly menstrual is that lady sperms can live up to 9 days in a hospitable environment or 3 hours on a toilet seat.

Semen plus toilet seat equals gross. Some people can't help but finding sperm gross. While most guys are "allergic to latex, babe," a number of women do get all itchy from man sauce. Per NY Daily News, roughly 20,000 to 40,000 have biological aversion to male genetic issue. No word on how much truth there is to the myth that sperm is great for a non-allergic woman's skin.

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All hope is NOT lost. Per Psychology Today (et al), semen, through vaginal contact, has some anti-depressant qualities. More accurately, seminal fluid contains various nutrients and hormones that may help turn a frown upside-down via interaction with your lady smile. It does make most men pretty happy. While the science is somewhat disputed, I'm sticking with it until it's proved definitively false … yet another reason accidental pregnancy and STIs are jerks. Also, check this out: Oral Sex Cures Morning Sickness, Says Crazy Science


Speaking of you are what you eat, it's long been known that a man's diet changes the quality AND taste of his stuff. Allegedly, fruits improve taste (pineapple especially if that whore Cheryl is to be believed) and a diet rich in protein makes flavor go the wrong way. And on the fertility front, a diet rich in walnuts can result in "improved sperm vitality, motility, and morphology (normal forms) in a group of healthy young men between 21-35 years of age." Soy, on the other hand, has been alleged to knock sperm count down by as much at 33%.

Stay cool and enjoy a healthy diet, friends.

Glossary: Sperm is a male gamete. Semen is the fluid sperm is kept in.
Qualities of sperm: Motility – speed. Morphology – shape normality (essentially). Count – number of lil fella's per milliliter. Color, Cut, Clarity and Carat have nothing to do sperm but good scores in those departments seem to enable more of its distribution.