How We Redefined Modern Dating At "The Gaggle" Book Party!

Gaggle Book Party at Henri Bendel
Buzz, Self

The scene at Henri Bendel was a blast & we learned a ton about how the dating game has changed.

"If you are a modern woman living in the world now and you're looking for love, if you're thinking about it in terms of traditional dating, you're not going to find it. You are not going to find love."

What a way to start a party, right? 

But Jessica Massa and Rebecca Wiegand, co-creators of the new book, The Gaggle, had a very important message to convey at the party we co-hosted in their honor at Henri Bendel Tuesday night. That message? Whether or not we like it, we are living in what these two ladies call a "post-dating world." 

Thankfully, they explained this theory as guests sipped Skinny Girl margaritas, nibbled on cake balls by Sweet Jane Lynn and shopped the delectable aisles of the luxurious NYC department store. With all of these juicy distractions (Rebecca Minkoff iPhone case! Miu Miu sunglasses!), it was surprising that we were all ears to hear how we're supposed to ditch the dating rules we know and love.

"Jess interviewed over 100 men and women and we talked to hundreds of people all over the country (for The Gaggle)," Rebecca told us. "What we found is that people are not connecting and falling in love through traditional dating. They are connecting and falling in love through what we call 'non-dates.'"


"It could be a group 'non-date' when you're with your soccer team every weekend and you hang out at the bar afterwards and, you know, one of the guys on the soccer team is kind of cute," explains Rebecca. "It could be a networking 'non-date' where you meet up with that work contact and you guys are supposed to be talking shop, but you find out you have everything else in common. You could end up falling in love with your totally platonic male friend who you watch movies and go to the farmer's market with from time-to-time." 

And this group of unsuspecting men we all have in our lives? Well, that's what Jessica and Rebecca call our "gaggle." And every woman—even you—has one. How Each "Gaggle" Guy Can Lead You To The Love Of Your Life

As Jessica explains, it's in our own gaggles that our true loves are hiding – we just haven't opened our eyes to them yet because we're stuck in an overly traditional and stuffy way of thinking about love and relationships.

"If you stop asking yourself, 'Who are the guys I'm dating?' and start asking yourself, "Who are the guys in my gaggle? Who are the guys in my life who I may not be dating but are playing some sort of role or filling some sort of need in my life?" ... then your love life becomes so much more vibrant," she says. "You start learning about yourself, you start learning about the type of guy you want to be with and the type of relationship you want to be in. This is now your path and your journey to love."

It was that unique, forward-thinking advice that justified the whole evening of extra calories and buyer's remorse. Sometimes a girl needs a little dose of reality with her retail therapy, and we're happy to hear that the guy we've been looking for may already be just another "non-date" away.

Check out all the photos from last night's event on our Facebook page!

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