Weird News: The Rise Of The "Boyzilian" (Or "Brozilian") Wax

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It's likely you're familiar with the Brazilian wax. If you're not, it's a technique whereby a woman has the entirety of the hair from her genitals removed using warmed wax, strips of high tensile-strength paper and a utterly ruthless, steel-handed woman. Now, evidently, the boys want in on the bald baby-maker fun.

Our good buddies at TresSugar (go there to vote for the best spa treatments your fella should try) have it on good authority that men are having the hair removed from their "bathing suit" and other zones at an increasingly growing rate. Supposedly, removing the underbrush makes the tree seem bigger.

Because of this insecurity/concern with cleanliness, and desire to emulate modern male porn participants, at some salons, men are thought to be on the receiving end of upwards of 70 percent of the wax-based hair removal. It should be noted that this 70-percent figure isn't exclusively relegated to bikini-area waxing, and may include brows, shoulders and the Hollywood-popular back, crack and sack. Waxing Poetic About Waxing My Back

Thousands of years of human history have proved one thing: Men are interested in making their penises look bigger and their testicles look thoroughly average. We've used rolled-up socks, erected phallic landmarks, and even side mirrors stating: "Objects in this mirror are much closer (re: bigger) than they appear." But none of these techniques have been particularly effective when the boxer shorts hit the floor. Maybe the Boyzilian — which absolutely has to be called the "Brozilian" from now on, because: 1. That is just an awesome word, 2. To keep women from feeling like Mary Kay Letourneau — keeps up the illusion of size at least up until the rubber hits the road (we're talking sex here).

The big questions that the mainstream media refuses to ask about the Brozilian:

  • Will this culminate in further societal rift between the show-er and grower communities?
  • What other innovations will the pornography industry bring to civilian America?
  • When will we start doing groin tattoos?
  • What about man-jazzling?
  • Will Michael Imperioli's head explode when he learns of this?

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