7 Things TO Say While Getting It On

This may be too old school for you old fools, but I was just interneting the interweb and bumped into this oldie but goodie of things being said during whoopie-making on Incredimazing (give it a gander, it's a flowchart). That was pretty funny (in both the weird and ha-ha sense). But talking dirty, even if already sexually engaged, is a big turn-on for some. Just not everyone is good at it. Read: Dirty Talk Saved My Relationship

Normally, I'd go the other route and give a list of things that will spoil the moment so you can avoid them (or things NOT to say before or after). Instead, I'm going to do a 180 and go with seven good things to say while making love, or just having sex (I'm going to paraphrase because a girl's gotta keep some secrets):

  1. "I am having a great time." Let 'em know you like what's going on.
  2. "Can I get you anything?" It's imperative to check if there is anything you can do to improve their experience.
  3. "Where does the time go?" If you're not able to finish, you may want to somehow signal to the other person that it's OK for them to. (It's generally considered rude to stand up until they leave, at this point.)
  4. "I am fairly fond of you." In addition to enjoying the time that you are currently spending together, lots of people appreciate that you may enjoy their company outside of coitus. Complimenting the person's looks may also go a long way.
  5. "My, what a pretty picnic, Mrs. Pettigrew." There's no corollary to this one, it would just be funny to say.
  6. "Intercourse me." Pretty much a self-explanatory thing to say to a guy (if he is intercoursing you). Guys can ask "do you like me intercoursing you?" (Note: this one is pretty similar to Item 1 but the subtle distinctions are worth exploring.)
  7. "I can almost see my house from here." If you're about to crest a summit, it's polite to let the other person know so they don't suddenly call an audible. Read: Top 4 Hollywood Orgasm Scenes

Anything incredibly PG that you can think of that should be said in bed?