How To Make A Threesome Happen

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How To Have A Threesome (Including The Best Threesome Sex Positions, Sex Toys And Games!)
Sex

Bonus: The BEST threesome sex positions, sex toys and sexy games to get you started!

By Dr. Ava Cadell

Couples can’t always give each other everything they need sexually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes introducing a third person is exactly what you both want to keep your sex life fresh with novelty. Engaging in a threesome can be one of the most memorable sexual experiences a couple can have, but make sure the memories are positive.

Communication is key when it comes to opening up your relationship to a third person.

Don’t gloss over your wants and needs before you dive into the experience. If you feel strongly that there shouldn’t be penetration, for example, say so. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for resentments and jealousy. Laying down a basic set of guidelines allows more freedom in the moment.

Where To Find Your Third Wheel

It’s never been easier to find an adult playmate using the Internet, where you can send messages on dating sites such as OkCupid or Plenty of Fish, or go to ThreesomeDatingSite or Adult Friend Finder. Be clear with your request, and expect some back and forth so that you can all get to know each other.

You can use the acronyms MMF (male, male, female) or MFF, MMM and FFF (or any combination) to designate what kind of third you are seeking.

I recommend having a three-way ‘date’ ahead of time with no sexual expectations so that you can discuss your fantasies and all parties can become comfortable with each other.

This extra step makes the sexual anticipation and experience much more satisfying, as you’re all connecting on a deeper level. I’m not saying you have to be best friends (in fact, I discourage having sex with good platonic friends), but when you’ve spent some time and had a conversation together, even if briefly, things generally go much more smoothly in bed later.

Another alternative for finding a third is to go to a bar, swing club or even a BDSM dungeon with the intention of picking up another person who might be interested in participating in a consensual three-way experience. Clear communication is even more important in these settings at the beginning, as you don’t have the benefit of the website introduction to pave the way for your ultimate intention.

When in doubt, listen to your intuition and err on the side of caution as it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Negotiation

Make sure you talk about each person’s interests and desires, including boundaries and deal breakers about kissing, oral sex, intercourse, anal and sleepovers. 

It’s also a good idea to have a code word or signal for “STOP” that everyone understands, such as traffic light colors RED for STOP and GREEN for GO. In the heat of the moment, you might need a safe way to stop the action.

Try this "Want, Will, Won't" exercise for sexual activities during the negotiation process.

My clients have found it to be a very useful jumping off point for opening up the lines of communication and encouraging each party to fully express their desires and boundaries. The first slide shows what the desires and boundaries mean, and the second slide is filled in with items from a sexual menu.

Dinner & Sexy Games

Planning a sexy night for three-way sex can be a lot of fun.

Start by ordering everyone’s favorite food and arrange comfortable seating without a cumbersome table in the way. For some flirty conversation, try topics like turns on and turn offs, or show and tell.

Once things get sexy, you can begin to feed each other playfully and lick food off your partner’s body to entice the other person to join in. A little alcohol can also ease the tension and rev up the sex drive, but don’t pour the drinks too strong or too often because consent is sexy, and you want to make sure you’re enhancing your sex life, not creating drama.

Play some icebreaker adult games such as Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare or Strip Poker to get everyone in the mood for naughtiness.

Be sure to have plenty of condoms, lube and some sex toys on hand to keep the party playful. Always change condoms when going from anal to vaginal and never share sex toys, so have plenty of each at hand.

And use a new condom with each partner!

Take turns getting and giving a four-handed massage to relax and then arouse by exploring all of the erogenous zones from head to toe. Organic coconut oil is smooth and silky on the skin, as is massage glide, or warming and cooling, can increase sensitivity and flavored massage products can be a tasty treat for the giver of pleasure, just as much as the receiver.

In The Moment

Say things to make your partner feel confident. Saying, “I love you,” “You’re such a great lover,” and other positive compliments can make your partner feel confident and secure, diminishing any competitive feelings they might have about the third person.

Never leave anyone out. You don’t want a threesome that’s unbalanced, where two people’s interactions dominate at the expense of the third. There’s always a way to expand your touch and attention to include that third person.

Make sure you have water nearby so that your mouth doesn’t get dry right when you want to kiss, lick or suck.

Threesome Sex Positions

Positions For 1 Man, 2 Women

This is one of the top fantasies for men, but lots of women are game to let their man watch them with another woman.

A hot sexual position is for the man to enter his partner in doggy style while she goes down on the other woman. Alternatively, he can be getting a blowjob from the new woman while his partner sits on his face.

And of course, there are endless combinations of 69-inspired positions to please everyone.

Positions for 1 Woman, 2 Men

This female sex fantasy can result in double penetration and one of the best positions for that is for one man to lay on his back so the woman can sit on him in cowgirl position while the other man inserts his penis from behind her for anal penetration, as she leans forward.

This is known as an MFM threesome experience, and of course, there are many other sexual positions that include oral pleasures for everyone.

The Role Of Sex Toys

Adding sex toys into your threesome can prolong the experience, add extra visual eroticism and playfulness.

It can help women have orgasms more easily and allow men to take the pressure off the demand on their erections. You can even consider giving your third a sex toy to take home as a memento of the occasion.

Some of my favorite sex toys for threesomes are The Screaming O cock ring, We-Vibe wearable vibrator and of course, an adjustable strap-on with a harness.

Exploring Your Same-Sex Fantasies

In a sexual threesome, the same sex parties are key in creating chemistry with each other.

This is an exciting opportunity to explore same sex fantasies and try out experimentation that you’ve only dreamed of, such as tribbing between women and docking between men.

The Power Of Imaginary Threesomes

If you’re not ready to have another person participate in a three-way yet, then you can make this fantasy come true through the power of suggestion and lots of graphic dirty talk.

Describe to each other what the third person would be doing, and how. If you’re at a loss about how to get started, try using some of these phrases and fill in the blanks, directing your sexy language at your partner and your imaginary third as well.

It feels so good when you touch my __________.

Your ______________ is beautiful.

I want you to ___________ my _____________.

I love your ____________________.

My _______________is so______________.

_______________ me in the __________________.

You are so ______________________.

The Pros & Cons Of A Threesome

Look at this pros and cons list with your partner to help make the decision together about whether or not to try a threesome.

Pros

  • Fun: Threesomes can be exciting and naughty, playful and thoroughly entertaining because of their taboo nature. You can expand your sexual horizons with erotic new visuals, new sexual positions and by discovering new erogenous zones.
  • Hormone boost: Threesomes get your feel-good hormones flowing from increased Testosterone to surging Dopamine.
  • Exploration: Same sex fantasies and two-on-one fantasies are very common and here’s your opportunity to make them come true.
  • Discovery: Discover new ways of touching and being touched, and new ways in which you like to be aroused.
  • Freedom: You can be uninhibited, making love ‘outside the box.’
  • Increased sex drive: More orgasmic intensity may result from the new excitement of a third partner.
  • Passion: Threesomes can rekindle the passion in a predictable relationship.
  • Afterglow: You might feel more sexual satisfaction than you’ve ever experienced and want to do it again!

Cons

  • Jealousy: You might be afraid that your partner will get emotionally attached to the third person, or worry that they are a more skilled lover.
  • Performance issues: Men might have anxiety about getting an erection or keeping it up in front of two people at once.
  • Feelings of inadequacy: Men or women may feel intimidated by being ‘compared’ to another person physically or sexually.
  • Competition: Threesomes bring up issues of rivalry, where one party may engage in a sexual contest with another.
  • Awkwardness afterward: Unless you’ve negotiated your ‘happy ending,’ there could be an awkward moment where no one knows what to do when the sex is over.
  • STDS: Expanding your sexual horizons also means expanding your chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Always use condoms.
  • Embarrassment: Three people make for more potential embarrassing noises and moments, but try to use a sense of humor to overcome any mishaps.

After reviewing the list above, ask each other how important a threesome is to each of you on a scale of one to ten.

Honor your partner’s feelings about the possibility, and understand that the answer may very well be “No,” but if you do go forward as a couple, make sure that your own relationship foundation is strong and that your plan is simply to have some well-intentioned sexy fun.

 

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This article was originally published at Sexpert.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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