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There are some lovely perks that came with this pact.
By Jennifer Billock — Written on Sep 29, 2022
If there’s anything you should know about my partner and me, it’s that we’re extremely competitive people.
We both intend to win no matter the game. So when one of us (in this case, me) says, “This is your birthday month, we’re making a pact to have sex every day” — we’re definitely doing it.
And that’s the story of how May, my partner’s birthday month, became an experiment in sexy competition.
It started pretty tame; sex once a day. But then it got more intense. It didn’t matter what had happened that day. We could have been furious with each other, but we still boned down.
Neither of us wanted to be the one that caved and passed on sex for the day.
A few times, I had to plan it into my schedule — I knew I would be really busy or working late, so sexy lunch became a May tradition. Plus, we just really, really enjoy having sex with each other, so it wasn’t all competition.
By the end of the month, we’d tried a handful of new positions, discussed getting a St. Andrew’s Cross, and cooked dinner in nothing but aprons. We also created sex-themed names for all the other months in the year as a fun word game — Slamuary, Sucktember, Poon, and so on.
Aside from having a complete blast in May, our relationship enjoyed some lovely perks from having sex every day for a month. Here’s what happened:
My libido increased.
I’ve always had a fairly high libido. But when we started having sex every day, it skyrocketed. I’m not just talking about wanting to get in bed more than normal — we actually did. Multiple times a day. We even counted. At one point we got up to seven times in one day.
I will admit that by the end of the month, we were both a little sore. But getting there was totally worth it. The more we seduced each other, the more we wanted to seduce each other.
We became more emotionally intimate.
An increase in physical intimacy naturally leads to an increase in emotional intimacy. We spoke more about the things we like in bed and don’t like, and what our fantasies are.
We also spent more time just having deeper conversations about emotional things in our lives. At the end of May, we had both remarked at some point that we felt much closer emotionally than before the month started.
We got more creative.
When you have sex every day, vanilla positions can get... pretty boring. Well, still awesome, but kind of routine. So we mixed it up.
I have a book called "Position of the Day" and we tried some of those based on the day it was. Other times, we tried new toys, new lingerie, costumes, role play, and more.
We invented a new thing for us, massage sex, which is basically giving each other massages while having sex. Try it. It’s phenomenal.
We had more pillow talk.
Sex and pillow talk kind of go hand in hand. When you’re finished and basking in the after-glow of another successful coupling, it’s easy to just lay in bed and chat it out for hours.
We spent a lot of time having relaxed conversations sprawled out on the bed, always touching in some way and just enjoying the sweetness of one another’s company. It reminded me of when we first started dating — we met on OKCupid and talked for hours over text about everything under the sun.
The spark of conversation never left us, but it definitely was amped up throughout the month.
Our sex life got more intense overall.
I’m happy to say that things didn’t cool off when the month ended. We took a couple of days off so our mutual soreness could heal, but we were quickly back at it.
We haven’t made another pact, but we don’t really need to — we have sex nearly every day still anyway. Once you get a taste of that perfect life, you don’t want to go back!
Other habits from Sexy May have stuck around, too. I still surprise him with lingerie, he still rolls his sleeves up the way he knows I like. We still have deeply intimate conversations and even more than before. We’ve both tried new techniques and experimentation, and we plan to try and fulfill each other’s deepest fantasies.
Ultimately, that month was fabulous but at times took a lot of work. It’s sometimes hard (see what I did there?) to push yourself to still get intimate with someone regardless of what happened during the day.
We had to work through minor arguments and anger, and still make it to bed by the end of the day. But it brought us closer and made us a better couple.
I truly believe it helped us open up at new levels, taught us more about one another, and increased our communication. And I’d definitely do it again.
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Jennifer Billock is an award-winning writer and best-selling author covering mental health issues that relate to families at every stage. She's been published in The New York Times, Smithsonian, Wired, and National Geographic Traveler.