Women Who Still Act Like Mean Girls As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons
High school never ends for some ladies.
Dodokat / Shutterstock I remember working with a woman whom we’ll call Sheila (not her real name). Sheila was the type of lady that every guy in the office saw no problem with, although she struck fear into every female-presenting coworker she had.
She had a way of cutting down others that seriously hurt, often resorting to classic “Mean Girl” tactics used in high school. Sheila made the workplace incredibly hostile to women, so I got out of Dodge quick, if you know what I mean. Ever wonder what makes women like Sheila behave that way, even after high school ends? Some of their reasons may surprise you.
Women who still act like mean girls as they get older usually have these 11 reasons
1. Insecurity
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The older I get, the more I realize that insecurity is the reason for the vast majority of hurt in the world. Insecurity has been linked to mean, cruel behavior for decades. This includes the type of catty behavior that falls under the Mean Girl category.
Mean girl behavior, when done as adults, is known as relational aggression. Relational aggression is linked to feelings of insecurity in the aggressor. In other words, women behave this way when something they see in others triggers their jealousy or insecurity.
2. A need for control
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This goes hand-in-hand with that feeling of insecurity. Women who feel like they will face harm often will use relational aggression or cruel behavior as a way to establish control. Those catty remarks are the adult way of putting a little fear into the people around them.
Manipulative behavior is often a sign that someone wants to remain in control, even if it’s not necessarily Mean Girl behavior.
3. A need for male attention
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We’ve all met women who seem to live for male attention, especially when it comes to the guy they have a crush on. Believe it or not, male attention remains a driving motivation in some older women, too.
This is often why very beautiful women become leery of other women. They’re used to being hurt by the Mean Girls who wanted to be seen as the hot one by men.
4. Fear of retaliation
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For every genuine Mean Girl in a clique, there always seems to be at least two or three women who will just go along with the Queen Bee out of fear of retaliation. For those not in the know, the term “Queen Bee” is used for ringleaders in female bullying circles.
These women aren’t actually mean by nature. They are just afraid of becoming the next target, so they try to avoid it by joining in the laughter.
5. Retaliation
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While many women will bend the knee to women who are cruel, some just get tired of the hurt. Some may just choose to remove themselves from a toxic environment, but the truth is that a lot of Mean Girls are made that way out of necessity.
In other words, these are women who realized that high school never ends, and they’re ready to get their claws out. This is often seen in Hollywood and entertainment industry groups.
6. Narcissism
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To absolutely no one’s surprise, there is a distinct correlation between women who behave like Mean Girls and narcissistic behavior. Narcissists tend to use the same type of verbal aggression, weaponization, and triangulation to get their way because it’s effective.
Cruel behavior and passive-aggressive jabs tend to accomplish the exact thing that narcissists yearn for: control. So, who knows? Maybe the older Mean Girl in your life could just have a personality disorder.
7. Attention-seeking behavior
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In high school, Mean Girls are often the same girls who are popular. This is because popularity at that age is more about being able to successfully exclude others than it is about being included, if that makes sense.
We’ve already discussed how female bullying can be a result of male attention, but sometimes, it’s not just about men. It’s about women acting out because they feel alone, unwanted, or not included.
8. Poor social skills
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It’s not a secret that classic high school Mean Girl behavior isn’t exactly known for being mature. I mean, that’s why high school kids do it: their brains are not fully developed, and they haven’t totally learned how to handle tough social situations.
In recent decades, it’s been harder to gain social skills the old-fashioned way because people just don’t talk the way they once did. For some women, their bullying behavior may be a sign that they don’t know how to get their needs met otherwise, or because they think that it’s normal behavior.
Is this a common occurrence by the time a woman’s 30? Not usually, but if an older woman is neurodivergent, it could explain something.
9. Depression
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You may have already heard the phrase, “Hurt people, hurt people.” This is far truer than we often let ourselves believe. One of the more hidden traits of depression is the tendency to push others away or even react in rage.
Many older women who have depression are socialized not to act out in anger. So, they may turn to Mean Girl behavior to mask the fact that they want to lash out. In other words, their tendency to bully others could be a masked sign of depression. Does this make it acceptable? No, but it does explain a bit.
10. Jealousy
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We might as well talk about one of the most obvious issues that creates bullies: jealousy. Jealous people may take their envy out on others as a way of “taking them down a notch,” even when their target just wants to help them out.
In the case of older women, this could be envy about another woman’s youth, popularity, or even talent in the office.
11. Toxic environments
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Finally, we also should address the other major elephant in the room: bad social environments. Toxic workplaces, unhealthy music scenes, and similar social settings can bring out the very worst in otherwise decent people.
Having seen the effects of a toxic work environment firsthand, I can honestly say that many people will resort to Mean Girl behavior as a reaction to difficult situations. When removed from those environments, those same Mean Girls end up becoming some of the kindest, sweetest people on the planet.
Strange? Yep, but that goes to show you how much of an impact people can have on one another.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
