Woman’s 'Brutally Honest' List Of What She Wishes She’d Done Sooner Is Resonating With People Over 50
arnaldo moreno | Shutterstock On TikTok, an intuitive life coach in her 50s named Merdyth Willits shared a 'brutally honest' list of what she wishes she'd done sooner in life to lessen the amount of stress in her life.
Following these six rules will help you work towards a stress-free life, Willits says. For many, reaching 50 helps clarify what's worth your energy and what isn't. This is the kind of hard-earned wisdom that tends to sink in when you've lived through enough to finally see the lesson clearly, but that doesn't mean you can't start at whatever phase of your life you're in.
A woman's brutally honest list of what she wishes she'd done sooner is resonating:
1. She stopped fighting with her family and friends who don’t get it
“I don't fight with friends and family members that I know that aren't going to get it,” Willits explains at the start of her TikTok video. “Instead, when they say something that makes me crazy, I say things like, ‘Oh, I'm gonna have to look into that.’”
Just because you’re family, doesn’t mean you’re always going to agree on everything or about everything, and this goes for your friends too. Everyone experiences life in different ways, and perspective makes a massive difference in the way you treat real-life experiences.
It’s not worth it to fight about everything, so just try to assuage them for a moment and move on. Similarly, she says, “When they give me advice that I don't really want, I just say things like, ‘Hmm, that's a really great idea,’ because they never come back to see if I did it.”
She doesn’t see the point in making the effort to confront them. Pick and choose your battles; you might be surprised by how many are really worth fighting for.
Relationship coach Veronica Monet signs off on this advice: "Protecting your peace involves two powerful habits that make enforcing boundaries feel effortless, and one of those habits is recognizing when going toe-to-toe with someone is not going to accomplish anything."
2. She doesn’t share her thoughts and ideas with people whose opinion she doesn't respect
“I don't really share my ideas with people because I really don't need their opinion,” Willits explains, “and I know when I share ideas or thoughts or things that I'm going to do with people, it's actually an invitation into my life to give their opinion, and I really don't want it.”
Some people’s opinions matter in some specific situations, but in general, what’s the need for sharing? If someone’s response has the potential to ruin your thought, then why give them that power? Just keep it to yourself.
She also talks about how keeping the energy to herself helps her keep that same energy. “So like, if it's an idea for business, I don't really let it out of me because then that lets the energy escape.” She doesn’t want to let the energy out until an idea comes to fruition.
3. She doesn’t talk badly to herself
Willits explains that the way she talks to herself is indicative of the way she will perceive her own worth. She has stopped talking badly about herself or saying bad things to herself.
“So for my weight, I might say how much I love myself and my body while still maintaining goals of maybe wanting to lose weight or get healthier or get stronger,” she says as an example. “But I am not going to talk negatively about myself.”
This is similar to repeating words of affirmation to yourself, except in reverse. Once you stop saying bad things about yourself, you’ll stop believing those things are true. She also explains that once you stop, “it is completely jarring when someone else starts talking badly to themselves around you.”
It’s all about being confident and recognizing your inherent worth. Everyone is worth their weight in the world; it’s all about believing in yourself. Because that inner critic spinning elaborate criticisms is never telling the truth.
"Negative self-talk spews old propaganda and old beliefs and criticisms that had nothing to do with you," explained psychoanalyst Dr. Sandra E. Cohen, encouraging us to actively hold on to what's good about ourselves instead.
4. She switches conversations away from things she doesn’t want to talk about
“If someone's around me and they start talking about a subject that I really don't wanna talk about or I know is going to go nowhere,” she starts, “I have a few key conversation starters to switch the conversation away from what they're talking about.”
Think about the number of Thanksgiving dinners that could have been saved by employing this tactic. There are so many awkward conversations that could have been avoided.
If you run into a conversation that you don’t want to hear about or talk about, “Maybe bring up something else in their life that they can talk about to distract them from the conversation,” she says. That way, they still get to talk about themselves, but you don’t have to talk about the thing that’s bothering you. It’s really a win-win.
5. She tries to leave people and places better than she found them
If it’s about a place, whether it be a store or a restaurant, then Willit tries to leave with a better experience than the one she went in with. Maybe it’s about the items she shopped for, maybe it’s the people she was with. Maybe she’s being extra kind to the workers, which is part of the “person” portion of this tip. She says she especially tries to make the experience better if it seems like that person is having a bad day.
There’s no shortage of kindness in the world, so it’s always a good idea to give back some positive energy to someone who might need it. Family and marital therapist Aline Zoldbrod says that people with the strongest emotional habits know how to give to others from a place of fullness, kind of like the adage that you can't pour from an empty cup. So if you have an overflowing glass, share!
6. She no longer tries to make people understand her
Short, sweet, and to the point with this one, Willit says, “The only person that really needs to understand me is me,” and she has a valid point. On the 20-40-60 rule, cognitive coach Susie Pettit explains that "at age 20, we think everyone is watching us; at age 40, we start to wonder if anyone is watching us, but at age 60, we don't care if anyone is watching or thinking about us."
50 isn’t old by any means, but Willit's certainly lived enough of her life to understand that some things are worth leaving alone more than others. Trying to impress anyone else or explain yourself just isn’t worth it. Look out for yourself, and nothing else should matter.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.
