Why Even The Most Intelligent Women Are Attracted To Narcissistic Men

The real story.

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Why are smart women attracted to narcissistic men? No offense but the answer is kind of a no-brainer. Have you ever met a narcissistic man?

Intelligent, smart women, like you, and I, appreciate a man who is impressive. A man knows his worth and who's not afraid of taking control of his life. He is bold and somewhat charismatic. And yes, he is a great conversationalist as long as the conversation goes back to him. All roads do eventually lead back to him.


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Smart women who are highly empathic can live with this for a certain while. It is rather nice not to be with a shy man.

Narcissistic men initially bring out the best in the smart woman — at least for a short time.

Did I say he can be endlessly charming, at least at first? He has a way of attracting smart women by enticing them with a world of possibilities and boldness. He is able to articulate what a fine catch he is, and she is the lucky one for getting him!


Smart women love this bravado in a man. Finally, a man who is not afraid of being a man. It is all rather sexy and feels ridiculously unusual. Often smart women are not even initially attracted to the man. He just does that right certain thing at the right moment to catch her and hold her attention.

Smart women love healthy competition, and sometimes are blind to cruel competition. Smart women feel it is natural to share their knowledge with others.

They like to connect in meaningful ways with others. She is not shy. She is able to show the many ways in which she can support him when he becomes somewhat insensitive. She believes as she opens her heart and brilliance to him, it will make everything better.

Here is why even the most intelligent women are attracted to narcissistic men:

The narcissistic man mirrors her joy and takes it down. He pulls the carpet from underneath her feet. She has no reference point to understand how misery is replacing her joy. When he becomes cold, selfish, and mean, she is certain this must just be a glitch. It just has to be a glitch.


It can't be because he is cruel in his competitiveness. Besides, he cries so easily when he sees her hurting. Well, you cannot expect smart women to know everything. Sometimes the smartest thing to do is just stop and find out why all this emotional chaos is even happening.

There are perils to being with a narcissistic man.

Smart and empathic women cause them to be faithful, strong, and more loving in their attentiveness to who they are with. This can be a blind spot. Oops, she didn't know that when she gives her love, it arouses and nurtures his narcissism.

The deep blind emptiness inside of him is directing his behaviors. He bites back at the smart woman with a seduction of sorts, and then a strong blow to the safety of the relationship.


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Narcissistic men have a dark seduction about them.

Not is he alluring, but he shows the woman he's with that he's only devoted to her. He promises her the moon. He tells her that there is no one else in the entire universe as special as she is to him.

The narcissistic man's declaration of adoration for the smart woman is very complicated. It can be rapidly followed by passive aggression or just aggression that shames and shocks her. She can feel like she is being kicked to the curb over and over again.

Need I go any further? Yes, he gets distracted, and he does let her know empathy is not his strong point. Everyone knows this, but of course, he always means well, as he brings a gray cloud into the soul of your being.


A narcissistic man is deliberately smooth and confident in his presentation. He calculates how to take away her defenses and arouse her empathy for him, as he shows his great tears and pain.

Everything is rehearsed. He is a learned man. He studies what smart women like. He then proceeds like a Hotel concierge who focuses only on how to please the customer. Unlike the hotel concierge, where there is no intention to harm, only to serve the person in need.

The narcissistic man deliberately indulges the smart woman to control her.

He just knows that perfect perfume she will like from the downtown mall. He romantically and casually gives abundant accolades to her. He slowly erodes her confidence in herself. She learns to lean on him for support. He hurts her, and then he pretends to support her. He just gets her to stick with him.


Smart women understand how important sticking to someone is. A narcissistic man knows and outsmarts the smart woman with remarkable kindness and sweetness. He is the perfect James Bond, who tempts his women into compliance and bliss for a whole month, two months maybe.

And after a little while, he's showing some more of those glitches. She cries when she realizes he is showing attraction to another woman. He looks at the other woman the same way he looks at her when he takes his thumb and runs it down the other woman’s arm.

She tells him how this hurts her. He looks at her with disbelief and becomes cross with her. He reminds her that this is her distrust. He will ignore it this time and forgive her. Or he tells her that he has this problem doing this or that. However, he is working on changing it and perhaps she can help him.

This smart woman feels warmed by this compliment. She realizes once again no one is perfect. And no one has ever loved her this well before. She has never felt this happy or confused before.


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He then reminds her that he only has eyes for her forever. Smart women understand how rare it is to meet such a pure man. A man who finds it so easy to express his love to her, as he does. She remembers, when he told her, that yes, he did hurt another woman. He did the same thing to another woman that he did to her. But he was just fooling around with that woman.

He did not mean it. Right? She wonders about this.

The smart woman, of course, will address this immediately with the narcissistic man. He then immediately looks at her somewhat aghast and sorry for her that she has no sense of humor.

After all, he was just fooling with that other woman! That other woman looked so lonely and he thought he would give her some fun. He looks at his smart woman. He states, in this low sexy, and critical tone.


"Somehow I thought you would understand more, and that I was just trying to make her feel good. Besides, I don't even like her. What's your problem? Are you just like all the other women?"

The smart woman is confused, she tells her friends, and they all give her their scholarly opinions. After a while, she is kind of ashamed and embarrassed about how regularly these kinds of soul-destroying things happen to her and her man. She decides on an exit plan. However, she feels he is way better than those other guys.

Those other guys are kind of clumsy. They lack the wonderful finesse of the narcissist guy. Her man has such great confidence in himself and lets the world know this. Unlike most men, who seem much less able to talk about themselves in such grand ways.


Narcissistic guys know how to present in big overly confident manners. They know how to make their woman feel like Sleeping Beauty.

No healthy man can compete with the sexy, crafty, seductive, suave temperament of a narcissistic man who wants to wound who he is with. The narcissistic man really attempts to appear to have it all. He prepares the smart woman for the shine of heaven and "accidentally" drops her into Hell.

He cannot imagine why she is so upset. He just looks at her with confusion with his soft puppy dog eyes and tells her once again as he always does: "I love you! I only love you! Why can’t you be like me?"

He promises he will never change. He will always love her. Why change, when he is not the one who is unhappy?


In Buddhism, there is a story. If you put a frog in a large pot of hot water. The frog jumps out and survives. When you put a frog into a pot of cold water on a fire, the water slowly warms. The frog climatizes, maladapts, and does not survive. And if it does, it takes a very long time, if ever, to heal.

If you are a smart woman and you think you are with a narcissistic man, seek professional help and do not isolate yourself. Get help now!

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Suzanne Kyra, M.A., Registered Clinical Counsellor, has over 30 years of experience and is a highly regarded counselor in the North Shore, Port Moody, and Coquitlam areas. She is also an international empowerment speaker, CEO of Living Big Events, and an award-winning author.