Why I Make A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Girlfriend

Photo: Selim Şendal | Canva 
Independent woman

In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the greatest person. I ignore texts from people important to me, I drink wine not exclusively on Friday and Saturday nights, and I've definitely been known to honk at someone longer than necessary.

I'm a bit crazy and definitely a little selfish. I like to do what I want and when I want, without anyone's permission. It's one of the reasons why I would make such a terrible girlfriend.

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I like my independence. Actually, it's more than that. I am obsessed with my independence. There is no one's company I prefer more than my own.

I am currently working on ways to be even more of a recluse than I already am because I find the majority of people to be annoying.

I can count all my "serious" relationships on the one hand and my adult relationships that involved grown-up things like maturity and trust on no hands.

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Besides, when you start to date someone seriously, you date the people in their life as well. And I'm tired of pretending I like the friends of my boyfriend, or that I'm totally okay with the fact that he and his ex-girlfriend are still so close. I don't want to have to argue about where to eat or who did the dishes last

On top of being too picky, or rather obnoxiously picky, like my no white socks rule and a requirement that certain bands be in their top 10 list, I'm also drawn to guys who are jerks. It's a talent, and it's one that I'm getting tired of being so good at.

In a lovely sea of nice guys, I will want to be with the jerk, the emotionally unattainable one, and the one who will probably cheat on me when I'm eight months pregnant should we ever make it that far. And knowing me, I would probably keep taking him back and breaking up with him. An insane amount of drama that no one wants to deal with.

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I'm no psychic, but I can see that that's how it would go down, and I'll end up in my parent's basement with my kid, and the neighbors will call us "Boo One" and "Boo Two." Not a future I want for me and my potential little one.

So since I've had a lot of time recently to re-evaluate my life, the decisions I have made, and the paths I have chosen, I've come to an undeniable fact: I make a bad girlfriend.

Besides, I don't think there's anyone out there who would be good enough for me.

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Amanda Chatel is an essayist and intimacy health writer for Yourtango, Shape Magazine, Hello Giggles, Glamour, and Harper's Bazaar.