We Should Strive To Be Queens, Not Queen Bees

Strive to be a Queen. You'll be happier.

queen bee Jade ThaiCatwalk / Shutterstock

By Emma Spear

I was at an event a few weekends ago. I didn’t really know anyone, so I kept to myself but remained friendly with anyone who came into my contact.

I was quickly introduced to someone who seemed friendly at first but quickly gave me weird vibes.

I couldn’t tell you what it was about this person.

While they seemed nice to me at first, there was something about them that didn’t sit right with me. And if there’s anything that I always listen to, it’s my intuition.


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So I knew to watch myself and be more aware of these people and what they do that throws me off when I’m around them.

After being around them for a few weekends and not understanding why I feel so awkward around them, I realized that this person gives off Queen Bee energy.


I know what you’re probably thinking: “Queen energy — isn’t that something that you want to be around?” But Queen Bee energy is different from being considered a Queen.

Both types of “queens” share some similarities. For instance, both will cause you to turn your head while you walk in. You’ll notice both of their presences in a room.

But a Queen Bee will strut into a room looking for attention, expecting to receive it when they walk in. Meanwhile, people will just gravitate toward a Queen. You’ll want to be around them.

It won’t feel draining when you interact with them. There won’t be a voice in the back of your head saying, “Oh no, not them again.”


You might find yourself avoiding eye contact with a Queen Bee, but you’ll find yourself smiling when you make eye contact with a Queen.

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There’s a chance you might find yourself quieting and moving away when a Queen Bee enters an area you’re in. But a Queen will never make you feel like you have to hide from them or your opinion doesn’t matter to them.

A Queen Bee might make you think they’re speaking about you behind your back, but a true Queen wouldn’t ever think to do that to you. In fact, they’d put a stop to it if they were to hear it.

The ultimate difference between the two is that a Queen will always have your back, regardless of your relationship with them.


You could know them for years, maybe for a few minutes, or maybe you’re friends that grew apart. It doesn’t matter. As soon as you have a Queen in your corner, you’ll always have one in your corner.

Do what you can to be a Queen to those around you. Be the person that everyone sees as a breath of fresh air or a break from reality. People should be excited to see you, not terrified or anxious.

To the Queen Bees out there, I really don’t get it. To exclude people and make them feel like they’re inferior to you doesn’t make sense to me.


We should all be trying to find ways to support each other. Why kick someone when they’re already down?

Strive to be a Queen. You’ll be happier.

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Emma Spear is a student, paraeducator, writer, and contributor to Unwritten. She has a passion for writing about mental health, self-care, and education.