5 Ways Brilliant Moms Avoid Common Self-Esteem Traps That Weigh Us Down
How mothers can prevent emotional fatigue from affecting their happiness, according to a psychologist.
Helena Lopes | Unsplash By today’s standards, being a “good mom” has become an impossible task, a task so inflated and unrealistic even a superhero would struggle to keep up. From saying the right thing at all times, attending every school function and sports practice, volunteering for the PTO, and reading every parenting book on the market, moms are expected to be everything to everyone, all the time. It’s no wonder so many are exhausted.
Whatever happened to the simple joy of watching your kids run through the sprinkler while chatting with a neighbor over ice cream? Once, that was enough. Today, it feels like failure.
Society has set impossible expectations. We’re supposed to be our children’s therapist, coach, nutritionist, event planner, academic support, and spiritual guide all at once. But these demands are too much. Wearing too many hats leads not to super-motherhood, but to burnout, resentment, and depletion. We can’t be great at everything, and we shouldn’t have to be.
In my therapy practice, I work with countless women battling anxiety and guilt. They berate themselves for losing their temper, for skipping a PTO meeting, for not being as “involved” as the mom next door. Their exhaustion is palpable. They’re doing everything, and yet, they feel like they’re failing. This isn't just unsustainable, it’s harmful. A 2010 study found that psychologically controlling parenting (e.g., guilt induction, over-involvement) undermines adolescents’ identity formation and autonomy development.
We must stop putting these unrealistic expectations on ourselves and other mothers.
- What if we’ve gotten it all wrong?
- What if parenting doesn’t require perfection, but presence?
- What if the best parenting starts with accepting that we’re human beings—women with passions, lives, and identities beyond motherhood?
Here are 5 ways truly 'good' moms avoid the motherhood self-esteem traps:
1. Remind yourself: 'I am enough'
You are good enough. Loving your children and showing up for them is the foundation of good parenting. Perfection isn’t required, presence is.
2. Focus on strengths, not shortcomings
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Maybe you’re amazing at cooking, or great at organizing. Own that! And for the areas that aren't your strength, let others help. It truly does take a village.
3. Ditch the inner critic
That voice telling you at 11 A.M. that you didn’t do enough at the fundraiser? It’s lying. You did what you could. That is enough.
4. Be present, not perfect
Your kids won’t remember whether you used the perfect words. They’ll remember your kindness, your hugs, your presence. And when you mess up? You can always revisit it and say, “Hey, I wish I had said that differently.”
5. Less is more
I’ve heard young adults say, “I just wish my mom had her own life.” Moms deserve joy, fun, and fulfillment outside of parenting. Taking that dance class or going to a concert? That’s good parenting, too.
When we let go of this toxic version of “perfect motherhood,” we allow joy to rise to the surface. We allow the imperfect, real, authentic mother to emerge, and that mom is the one your kids need the most. "College students with helicopter parents reported greater anxiety, depression, and reduced coping skills," as explored in a 2012 study.
It’s time to step out of the burnout cycle, to stop measuring our worth by impossible standards, and to return to ourselves. Joyful parenting comes not from doing it all, but from doing what matters with presence, love, and authenticity.
Monica Ramunda, LCMHC, is the owner of Rocky Mountain Counseling Services, with over 24 years of experience supporting individuals through anxiety, depression, and life transitions. Monica is also the co-founder of Wellness and Wisdom Journeys, offering transformative psychedelic retreats for women.
