The Art Of Being A Good Friend: 8 Smart Ways To Cultivate Friendships That Last A Lifetime

Good friendships don't happen overnight. They take time and effort, as well as a whole lot of consistency. That's probably why most people lose friendships quicker than they build them, they expect high output with low effort.

The more years go by, the sloppier some people become with relationships. They'll say it's just because they're busy, but everyone is busy. That's why, in valuable friendships, it's best to put out a little extra effort.

Here are 8 ways good friends cultivate friendships that last a literal lifetime:

1. Put dates on a calendar for your next hangout and commit to them

friends having coffee as they make time for each other even when life gets busy Kinga | Shutterstock

Having a lifetime friendship doesn't come easy, even if it feels like it should. Like a romantic relationship, a good friendship means making time for each other, even when life gets busy. When you schedule hangouts or FaceTime gossip sessions, true friendship blossoms as you make one another a priority.

As associate professor of communication studies Jeffrey Hall advises, “We have to put that time in,” Hall said. “You can’t snap your fingers and make a friend. Maintaining close relationships is the most important work we do in our lives — most people on their deathbeds agree.”

So, stop making excuses. If you want a friendship for life, making time for each other starts now.

2. Listen more than you talk and ask lots of questions

woman in green shirt listening to understand rather than respond PeopleImages | Shutterstock

Make it your policy to truly listen when you're talking to your friends. Yes, it's so exciting to finally see each other and get on the phone and you'll have a million things to tell them, but you'll get more out of it if you are conscious of pausing, asking questions, and listening, too.

Your friend will likely walk away from your conversation feeling seen and valued. This means more phone calls and hangouts. I bet you'll be more of a priority in their life, too.

3. Celebrate each other's successes without jealousy

woman with blonde hair hugging friend as she celebrates her success without jealousy Josep Suria | Shutterstock

Jealousy is completely normal. Social media might demonize it (all while amplifying it, of course), but everyone experiences insecurity from time to time. However, the difference between a bad friend and a good friend is how they handle those emotions.

A good friend can acknowledge their jealousy and still choose to celebrate their friend's success. Even when they're insecure, they never allow those feelings to overshadow their friend's moment. Is it hard? Yes, but they know jealousy is theirs to work through, not something their friend should carry.

4. Drop everything and show up when your friend needs you most

woman hugging friend as she shows up when her friends need her most Sanja Miljevic | Shutterstock

The flakiness that people today think is normal is probably hurting your friend more than they'd care to admit. But your friends need you to show up when it counts the most. After all, it's human nature to seek comfort in human connection.

And it doesn't just create closeness. It creates a support system that both parties can rely on when life gets difficult. So, be there during their times of need. The more you show up for them, the more likely they are to do the same.

Of course there are always friends who always seem to have an emergency. They freak out at little things and may even cry wolf on the regular. These people are not who I'm talking about, here. It's the people who show up for you that you need to sometimes drop everything if you want that friendship to last a lifetime.

5. Forgive and let go of petty grudges

woman listening to friend as she forgives and lets go of grudges DexonDee | Shutterstock

Letting go of grudges and learning to forgive isn't easy. As humans, our brains tend to focus more on the negative than the positive. But remember: forgiveness isn't for the other person. It's for you. Forgiveness is so powerful that it can even improve your health.

So, the next time you think about holding a grudge, think it over. Everyone makes mistakes. Nobody, not even your best friend, is perfect. But cutting off a friendship because of that? It's a lonely road and that should only happen when you feel like there's no way to forgive someone and that they'll never change.

That's why it's worth showing grace when the situation allows it. Once you forgive, talk it through, and move forward, your friendship has a better foundation and becomes a whole lot better.

6. Communicate honestly instead of letting resentment build

man communicating honestly instead of letting resentment build we.bond.creations | Shutterstock

Is being vulnerable the most pleasant feeling in the world? Absolutely not. Being direct in your communication is kinda scary. It doesn't matter if it's an acquaintance or your best friend. Telling people how you feel can be a tough pill to swallow.

Still, it is necessary. The worst thing someone can do is allow resentment to build. You've got to be able to speak up for yourself, especially if you want that friendship to last a literal lifetime. Otherwise, small misunderstandings turn into bigger problems that slowly push you two apart.

7. Check in on your friends even when nothing is wrong

woman checking in on friends even when nothing is wrong as she texts while smiling Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock

Sure, you should be there for your friends when they need it the most. After a tough breakup, showing up with a litte gift and some chocolate makes all the difference. But if you want a strong friendship, don't just show up during the hard times. Check in on your friends even when nothing is wrong.

Quick question: when's the last time you texted your friend just to say hi? When did you check in just because? If it's been a while, you need to work on your communication skills. Remember, it takes two to make a relationship work. That's why you need to put in the effort. Otherwise, you'll lose the person who cares most.

8. Keep your promises and follow through

woman hugging friend as she keeps her promises and follows through Gorgev | Shutterstock

If you make a promise, you better keep it or you can count on that friendship being shallow or short-lived. Don't be the friend who says, "I'll get better at texting you, I promise," just to flake two weeks later. Friendship isn't just about the effort you put in. It's about the trust and consistency you build with each other.

That's why it's important to follow through on what you say. If you say you'll do something, do it. Even if you need to set reminders, that's okay. It's better to set reminders than stomp on someone's trust. After all, trust is a huge component in any friendship. Without it, even the strongest relationships can begin to fall apart.

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.