There Are 4 Types Of Friends In This World, According To A Social Scientist
The type of friend your are explains a lot about how you connect with others.
cottonbro studio | Pexels There are a lot of different ways we try to classify ourselves. Everybody wants to fit into a group and feel like they belong. One way to do this is to describe the type of friend you are through your socialization style.
This goes beyond just being described as a social butterfly, though. There are actually four different styles that define the type of friend you are, some of which you’ve probably never heard of before. These styles originated with social scientist Kasley Killam, MPH. She described them in her book, “The Art and Science of Connection,” noting that she developed these styles because she felt like there was a need for them.
“I noticed that introversion and extroversion don’t really capture the nuance of how we approach socializing, solitude, and connection in our lives,” she said when speaking to Julia Pugachevsky with Business Insider. Dentist and pharmacist Dr. Connie Wang also added some further insight about these styles in a TikTok post.
These are the 4 types of friends in this world, according to a social scientist:
1. The butterfly
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The butterfly is very similar to the idea of a social butterfly. “They like frequent, casual interactions,” said Wang. Think of that person you know who seems like they’re friends with everyone. Well, they probably are, and it’s probably because they’re a butterfly. They want a wide variety of social options, with people they can always call on.
Killam described a butterfly as “someone who likes a really high amount of interaction but is comfortable and happy with more casual connections.” They don’t have to be your best friend to get along well with you and enjoy talking to you. Butterflies tend to exhibit traits associated with extroverts. As psychosocial rehabilitation specialist Kendra Cherry, MSEd, said, “Extroverts feel energized when they spend time socializing with other people.”
2. The evergreen
An evergreen is a bit similar to a butterfly. They like to socialize often. However, they desire a different kind of interaction. “They want it to be those, like, deep, meaningful interactions,” Wang said. “They’re not gonna talk to just anybody at a bar.” Think of the connotation of the name — just like evergreen plants grow year-round, evergreen friends want to be there for it all, per Pugachevsky.
In Killam’s book, she described a woman named Taylor who “really only enjoys and feels fulfilled by socializing with people who she has deep connections to.” Similarly, Nicholas Epley, PhD, said, “Connecting with others in meaningful ways tends to make people happier, and yet people also seem reluctant to engage in deeper and more meaningful conversation.” Epley is a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, and co-authored a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology on the subject.
While the average person may have trouble trying to have a deeper conversation, it won’t be a problem for an evergreen. It’s what they thrive off of.
3. The firefly
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Interestingly, both Wang and Killam identified themselves as fireflies. According to Wang, “They’re someone who does prefer less frequent interactions, you can say, but when they do interact with [their] friends, they have a really deep, meaningful interaction.” So, unlike butterflies and evergreens, fireflies don’t like to socialize all the time. They still want those deep interactions like an evergreen, but not as frequently.
Killam said that fireflies want equal amounts of meaningful interactions and alone time. It’s kind of like how a firefly lights up for a while, and then goes dark, Pugachevsky said. When they’re present, they’re 100% there, but when they leave, they need their space. Writing for PsychCentral, Stacey L. Nash pointed out that alone time is important because it gives someone the chance to be free and let go of self-consciousness, while also developing independence. Alone time is essential for us all, especially if you’re a firefly.
4. The wallflower
Like the butterfly, the wallflower is based on existing stereotypes. “They’re someone who prefers less frequent interactions that are also more casual,” Wang said. “They’re more reserved.” Killam described wallflowers as “a bit more shy but really comfortable and happy with less frequent interaction.” This doesn’t mean, however, that they don’t want to have friends. Killam said they “have the inner desire and ability to love and be loved.”
Wallflowers share a lot of similarities with introverts. In a separate article, Cherry said, “By definition, introversion is a personality trait characterized by a focus on internal feelings rather than on external sources of stimulation.” She added, “While introverts typically do not enjoy a great deal of socializing, they do enjoy having a small group of friends with whom they are particularly close.” This sounds an awful lot like a wallflower.
Killam said you don’t have to just stick to or be boxed in by one style of friend, even if you identify with one more than the others. You’re free to dabble in all four and adapt them to who you are. This isn’t some kind of rigid structure you have to fit into or a test to pass.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
