Couples Who Do This One Toxic Thing Have Way Better Relationships, Says Study
Everyone does this, whether you admit it or not.
Benoit Vacherie | Pexels Is there anything better than the moment you and your partner get in the car after a party and you just turn to each other and start analyzing EVERYTHING? Turns out, the delight you get from recounting with your husband the absurdity of Aunt Jan's political commentary during your Grandma's birthday party might be a really good indication that your relationship is healthy.
We all gossip. Whether we do it intentionally or not, it's human nature to want to discuss and analyze human behavior and interactions, and who better to do it with than someone who deeply understands exactly how we think and feel (like our romantic partner)? Recent data suggests that there might be a link between couples who gossip and the quality of their relationship.
A new study found that couples who gossip have better relationships.
"Spill the Tea, Honey: Gossiping Predicts Well-Being in Same- and Different-Gender Couples," a study from UC Riverside Psychology researchers, found that gossiping may be related to the well-being and quality of relationships.
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76 same-gender and different-gender romantic couples participated by wearing an Electronically Activated Recorder (EAR) that recorded about 14% of their daily conversation, which was then analyzed by research assistants.
The EAR device captured an average of about 38 minutes spent gossiping per day across participants, and 29 of those minutes were spent gossiping with their romantic partners. Out of all the couples in the study, woman-woman couples produced the most gossip, and also reported the highest level of relationship quality.
The researchers theorized that gossiping is a form of emotional bonding in relationships.
In the study, the authors wrote, "Negatively gossiping with one’s romantic partner on the way home from a party could signal that the couple’s bond is stronger than with their friends at the party, while positively gossiping could prolong the fun experiences."
Think about the type of conversations you might have with a partner driving home from a party. Megan Robbins, a UCR psychology professor and the paper’s senior author, asked, "What do you do in the car? You talk about everybody at the party. Who said what; what’s going on with their relationship?"
The study authors also shared, "It may reinforce the perception that partners are ‘on the same team,’ enhancing feelings of connectedness, trust, and other positive relationship qualities, as well as contributing to overall well-being."
This study was a follow-up to another study that uncovered long-standing myths about gossip.
Robbins led another study focused on gossip habits in 2019, which also used EAR technology. The conversations of 467 participants, including 269 women and 198 men, were tracked and analyzed, similar to the couples study. Gossip was counted if it was talk about someone who was not present, regardless of whether it was positive, negative, or neutral.
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The results concluded that women only gossip more than men regarding neutral information, meaning they weren't speaking negatively about another person. Actually, almost three-fourths of the gossip was neutral, but negative gossip was twice as prevalent as positive gossip.
Additionally, younger people were found to gossip more negatively than older adults, and lower-income people gossip the same amount as wealthy people. Understanding these demographics can help provide a clearer picture for future research. The study concludes, "Gossip is ubiquitous."
Your partner should be the person you trust most in the world. It stands to reason that gossiping with that trusted person is not only a safe activity but one that is enjoyable, as well. You are discussing other people who are important in your life, and that means you value your partner's insight. You are letting them know that you trust them. You trust their opinions. You trust their observations, and you enjoy hearing what they have to say.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
