Self

2 Things You Do Every Single Day That Destroy Your Self-Esteem

Photo: Prostock-studio | Canva
Woman looking into the mirror

There are two common, but extremely harmful behaviors that erode your self-esteem. They are: comparing yourself to others and negative self-talk.

Women are notorious for comparing themselves to other women. We compare ourselves to another woman’s physical features, coveting her slim body, her gorgeous hair, and her flair for fashion. We compare ourselves to another woman's talents, her abilities, or her social status. We envy her expensive home and vogue possessions, her flourishing career, her ability to make friends, and her handsome, successful husband or boyfriend.

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And without realizing it — when we compare ourselves to other women — we define ourselves. 

   

   

You can’t experience your beauty until you fully accept yourself.

You are not like anyone else in this world. God created you with a unique personality and special talents. He doesn’t look down at you and say, "What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you be more like your sister? Why can’t you be like Taylor Swift?"

You're here to develop your style, cultivate your talents, and achieve your successes in life. You're here to fulfill your destiny.  

But, the toxic act of comparing yourself to others blocks you from that by: 

  • Eroding your confidence and self-esteem
  • Blinding you to your full potential
  • Fueling your insecurities and low self-esteem issues
  • Damaging your spirit and leaving you discouraged
  • Impairing your talents and abilities
  • Causing you to view yourself in an unrealistic light
  • Creating unreasonable expectations of you, and of your loved ones and friends
  • Serving as the impetus for your criticisms, envy, and jealousy

Don't let negative, disparaging thoughts create your sad reality.

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You are not what happened to you in the past. You are what you choose to become today. Eckhart Tolle said, "The voice in your head is not who you are."

Most of our internal programming is the result of how we grew up. Our parents, caretakers, teachers, and authority figures form our core beliefs about ourselves. In school, our classmates and friends affect our opinions of ourselves. Later in life, a boyfriend or a husband contributes to our mindset.

If the people in our past were disapproving, hyper-critical, un-supportive, neglectful, or abusive, they contaminated your belief system. This causes you to form false images about yourself that manifest as repetitive negative thought patterns that affect your behavior, damage your self-worth, and impair your ability to maintain healthy relationships.

Your high school negative inner voice told you: "You’re stupid. You’re plain-looking. Your personality is annoying and boring. Your hair is frizzy, your teeth are crooked and your clothes are an embarrassment. The popular girls don’t want to be your friend and the guys don’t want to date you."

Photo: Cottonbro Studio/Pexels

Your adult critical inner voice tells you: "You’re unattractive, incompetent, and unimportant, the people at work don’t like you and you don’t fit in social situations. You’re unlovable, undeserving, and unworthy of a boyfriend who will love and respect you."

You believe this negative self-talk. And as a result, you’re afraid to ask your boss for a raise. You’re afraid to stand up to your controlling, self-serving girlfriend. You sleep with a man because you’re afraid to say "no" and you date and commit to (even marry) men who are emotionally unavailable and abusive. You’re afraid to leave these men because your negative self-talk tells you: "No man will want you because you’re undesirable, dim-witted and you have no control over your circumstances." 

Girlfriend, who put this garbage in your head?!? It certainly wasn’t your Maker!  

   

   

Please — do yourself an immense service and stop allowing the negative, miserable thoughts and actions of others to dictate the quality of your life, and — let it go!

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Your inherent design has a unique personality, special talents, and gifts. Your life's intention has purpose and meaning. You're here on this earth to bless and benefit the people who truly know you appreciate you, value you, and love you for the unique and special person you are.

Everyone else is not worthy of your time, energy, and devotion.

Now, send yourself an email to remind you of the following truths:

  • You are not the hyper-criticisms of your mother or your father.
  • You are not the insecure teenager, whom her classmates rejected, who didn’t make the cheerleader squad or basketball team, or who got blackballed from a sorority.
  • You are not the shame-based woman who slept with a string of men searching for love and acceptance.
  • You are not the little girl whose father abandoned or abused her, causing you to crave a father’s love and validation.
  • You are not the little girl who was repeatedly molested by your father, uncle, or male family member.
  • You are not the unkind words of your self-absorbed girlfriend, co-worker, or boss.
  • You are not the woman who drinks or does drugs to numb your emotional pain.
  • You are not the demeaning put-down remarks of your abusive boyfriend or husband.
  • You ARE NOT a doormat

You do not have to live the rest of your life absorbing and believing the condescending, self-absorbed, unkind thoughts of others.

Don't let your negative self-talk hack away at your self-worth. You're worthy of love and respect. It's time for you to finally believe that.  

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Nancy Nichols is a best-selling self-help, dating, and relationship author, empowerment speaker, notorious blogger, and TV and radio talk show personality. She's a woman's advocate who uses her self-help books to impart self-esteem building, the power of positive thought, relationship understanding, and personal healing.