You Can Tell Someone's A Phony By 10 Things They Care Way Too Much About
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock You can tell someone is a phony by the things they actively choose to care about. At first, many of these things might not seem like a big deal. After all, who cares if someone is obsessed with their social status, right?
Unfortunately, the issue with pursuing materialism is that it almost always leads to surface-level behavior that creates completely inauthentic connection.
If someone is a complete phony, they'll care about these things way too much:
1. Being popular
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Is it nice to be popular at work or at school? Absolutely. As much as people try to pretend otherwise, being adored feels pretty great. We all need social connection and a sense of belonging. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. That being said, you can tell someone is phony when popularity is all they care about.
No, they don't care about their friends or how loyal someone has been. Chasing the high of feeling loved, phonies are entirely self-centered. Filled with desperation and utterly surface-level, stay away from people who care too much about being popular. While it may not seem like a big deal, those who care too much about being popular may just throw you under the bus if they think it will serve them well.
2. Their follower count and likes
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Most people on social media care about their follower count and likes to a certain extent, at least when they're young. Hopefully, as they mature, they eventually grow out of this need. So unless their livelihood directly involves social media, you can tell someone is phony if they care too much about follower count and likes.
People like this are always on their phones. Obsessing over how many views they get, they'll rage if someone close to them gets more engagement than they do. It's toxic, but phony people can't help themselves. They're filled with a huge ego, and because of that, they can't allow others to outdo them.
3. Appearing wealthy
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Terrified of looking broke, phony people would rather waste their paycheck on a thousand-dollar pair of shoes than invest in their retirement. It's a terrible mentality to have, but it's what's normal now. Still in the flex-culture, wealth and popularity have a chokehold on us like never before.
As a study published in 2023 noted, "Flexing culture has become a virtual tradition that not only involves the upper classes and those who have extra wealth, but it has reached more classes, including the lower and middle classes."
And while some break free from it, others buy into it, which, if they're too consumed in it, can make them a bit more inauthentic.
4. Being trendy
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It isn't just looking wealthy that causes phony people to spend too much. From Hailey Bieber's summer collection to the newest nail trend, these people want to be seen as cool by everyone they meet. Needing to be the it girl of their crowd, it's no wonder that they're obsessed with what's trendy.
Even if a trend doesn't suit them, phony people don't care. It sounds surface-level, but their greatest fear is being uncool or viewed unfavorably. Because they so desperately need validation, don't be shocked if they're always up to date on the latest social media trends. The need to be the center of attention is something they can't escape.
5. Looking perfect
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Nobody in this world looks perfect all the time. While some people may try, perfection is a fruitless pursuit. That being said, breaking free from this mentality is a lot easier said than done. As clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Jennifer Kunst, Ph.D., said, "It takes a lot of hard psychological work to realize that our pursuit of perfection is in vain."
However, while some people eventually get there, others crumble under their own unrealistic expectations. Caring entirely too much about what other people say, you can tell someone is phony when they care too much about looking perfect. They may say it's a personal standard, but these standards almost always impact those around them.
Demanding that their partner or friends reach their level of perfection, they don't realize how much they'll lose until it's far too late. While having standards is one thing, expecting people to fit all of yours is another circus entirely. Unfortunately, phony people don't care, so looking perfect will always be their top priority.
6. Name-dropping who they know
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It's cool to know so a lot of people who've done interesting things. Having connections to celebrities and other important people is a powerful tool that can be used to one's advantage. Still, just because you know someone, that doesn't mean you need to brag to everyone else about it.
That should be common knowledge, but phony people just can't help themselves. They're way too worried about impressing others to bother with discretion. Whether it's in front of friends or strangers, these people are always flexing. Wanting to seem more important than they actually are, they'll show off their connections to make themselves look and feel superior.
7. Winning every argument
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Sure, winning an argument feels good in the moment. Wanting to feel right, it can be a confidence boost that makes someone feel a little gleeful on the inside. However, when push comes to shove, our love for others almost always shines through.
Phony people, on the other hand, refuse to give up. It's frustrating, but they care way too much about winning every argument. As psychologist Dr. Abby Medcalf explained, "Someone who’s always picking fights has low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness, and they’re lonely and scared (even if they don’t present that way)."
So, while it may be tempting to continue going around in a circle, never give a phony person the chance to get the better of you. It's hard, but they'll never allow you to win anyway, so why even bother?
8. Curating a perfect lifestyle online
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Social media can be both a blessing and a curse. While many people have met lifelong friends or partners on social media, there's no denying that excessive social media use can be toxic. Because they are entirely too focused on how others perceive them, people can tell someone is phony if they care too much about curating a perfect online lifestyle.
You know those people who make those aesthetically pleasing 'get ready with me' videos? Yep, those people are probably being phony. Maybe they're trying to make a quick buck, or maybe they care too much about how others perceive them, but the consensus is still the same, regardless. It's highly likely that they're living a lie. So, while they may not like the label, if you spend too much of your time obsessing about posting the ideal lifestyle online, you might be a little bit of a phony.
9. Looking busy all the time
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Nowadays, social media pushes people to be their most productive selves. Because we all need to run what seems like a million errands in a day to look cool for a vlog, many of us don't realize that it's okay for people to take a break. Whether it's lazing around all day on Saturday or taking a study break and gaming, you don't need to look busy all the time.
Despite this, phony people push themselves to the extreme. Feeling as if they need to look busy all the time, it's no wonder they've burnt themselves out. Consumed by what others think of them, people are bound to feel like the worst version of themselves, leading to inauthentic and negative behavior.
10. Being envied by others
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Finally, the last way you can tell someone is phony is if they care too much about being envied by others. Is it great to feel adored and wanted? Absolutely. However, this doesn't mean people should strive to make others envious of them.
While a little competitive spirit never hurt anyone, going out of one's way to manipulate someone's feelings is a bad move. Stirring envy, jealousy, or hurt in others, phony people don't realize the damage they've done until they've driven everyone important away.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
