11 Things People With Good Lives Quietly Abandon As They Get Older
A good life isn't about having more, it's about letting go of what never served you to begin with.
Mix and Match Studio | Shutterstock Everyone’s idea of a “good life” looks a little different. For some, it’s about having meaningful relationships. For others, it’s about freedom, stability, or simply feeling content. But no matter how you define it, building a good life almost always requires letting go of things that don't fit anymore. You can't move forward while dragging around toxic relationships, impossible standards, or outdated beliefs, and most people who find lasting peace figure that out the hard way.
Wellness coach and physician Dr. Kim Foster explains that the fear of change is a natural part of the human experience. Even when something no longer serves us, letting go can feel too risky or uncomfortable. But over time, people with good lives learn to recognize which habits are keeping them stuck — and they let them go quietly, without fanfare. These aren’t always huge, dramatic changes, but they make all the difference.
Here are 11 things people with good lives quietly abandon as they get older:
1. They leave the drama behind
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Drama is hard to pin down because it’s pervasive and typically touches all areas of your life. There are dramatic family members, dramatic friends, dramatic co-workers, and even dramatic circumstances.
Because of this, it can be hard to banish it from your life entirely. But people with good lives still do their best to abandon it. They know that drama isn’t worth trading in their peace.
Psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen, PhD, explained that, just like other vices, “being involved in drama is a form of avoidance and distraction.” When you’re involved in the drama that other people are causing, you can ignore your own life for a little while. So, if anything is wrong with it, your mind is on something else. But you have to be willing to face your own emotions and experiences.
If you want to live a good life, you’ll leave the drama behind. This will require some rearranging, and you may even have to cut some people and habits out of your life. But it will be worth it to feel happier and more at peace.
Drama is a monster that just gets bigger as it affects more people. It’s best not to let it touch you, either.
2. They give up chasing perfection
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One trap many people fall into, especially when they’re young, is that of aiming for perfection, even though it isn’t attainable. You see everyone around you and you think they’re living perfect lives with no problems, which makes you want to do the same.
The problem is that it’s all a facade. People with good lives give up the pursuit of perfection the older they get, so that they can be fulfilled and live contented lives.
Licensed mental health counselor Leon Garber had an interesting take on this subject. “All of us want to be accepted, and our brains are wired to attempt to avoid the anguish of rejection,” he said. “Thus, somehow, and probably in different ways, we conclude that perfection is the answer … Perfectionism, in essence, is a rational, but flawed, way of creating a sense of comfort, a fool’s gold that sparkles on the surface only to reveal a hollow core inside.”
Trying to be perfect isn’t worth it. It’s not possible, so why spend so much time and energy trying to chase it? This is something people with good lives know. They may have sought perfection when they were young, but they quietly abandon it as they get older and wiser. They know it’s a waste.
3. They cut ties with toxic people
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Just like drama, it’s easy to let toxic people into your life. They can be anywhere, from your family to your friend groups to your workplace.
And, once a toxic person works their way into your life, it’s hard to get rid of them. They tend to cling on tightly.
Nevertheless, people with good lives recognize the value of letting them go. They know they don’t need people who are toxic or create a toxic environment in their lives, so they move on.
It’s easy to think that toxic people are annoying but aren’t going to affect you personally. This isn’t true, as licensed counselor Stephanie A. Sarkis, PhD, pointed out. “Toxic people have harmful behaviors that can have lasting impacts on those around them,” she said. “They are often self-centered, manipulative, abusive, and lacking in empathy. They may be referred to as narcissistic, selfish, or sociopathic.”
You can’t be connected to a toxic person and just walk away unaffected. Toxic people will drain you and hurt you in countless ways. People with good lives don’t let them invade their privacy and peace because they’ve learned that other things are far more important than they have to make room for.
4. They let go of FOMO
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FOMO has become something of an epidemic in our society. Everyone is worried that they’ll miss out on something great, so they try to do everything. When they scroll through social media and see other people having fun, they instantly feel left out.
To remedy that, they never turn down an invitation or an opportunity to go out. This can lead to a vicious cycle that leaves them always tired and burned out.
As psychology writer Elizabeth Scott, PhD, said, “It’s not just the sense that there might be better things that you could be doing at this moment, but it is the feeling that you are missing out on something fundamentally important that others are experiencing right now. In your mind, it may seem that everyone else is having this amazing experience, and you’re the one who is missing out.”
She added that FOMO can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and risky behavior in teenagers. Luckily, as they get older, they’re more likely to see how terrible FOMO can be.
It’s not worth it to waste your life wishing that you could do the same things as everyone else. This is something that people with good lives sometimes learn the hard way, but can apply to their lives all the same.
5. They outgrow impulsiveness
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Impulsivity is easier to give in to when you’re young. At the time, it would seem like a good idea to book a spontaneous trip you can’t afford or jump into the pool in the middle of January. The older you get, the more this evens out.
For most people, it’s normal to grow out of impulsiveness, especially as you’re working to hold down a job, pay the bills, and care for a family.
“Acting on impulse is spontaneous,” said Healthline writer Ann Pietrangelo. “There’s no consideration for how it could affect others. There’s no wondering how you’ll feel about it later. It’s just about the here and now.”
Sometimes impulsive decisions can end up being great things, but they can also be terrible.
Of course, some older people are impulsive, and impulsivity can be a sign of everything from bipolar disorder to a stroke. It’s not just reserved for young people.
People with good lives tend to watch it lose its shine, though. They fail to see what being impulsive can do for them. Instead, they crave the peace that comes with stability and chase after it instead.
6. They stop treating life like a race they need to win
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Some people look at life and they see a race. Who can be the first to get a high-paying job? What about the first to buy a house? Everything feels like a competition where you want to come in first.
People with good lives move beyond this mindset. They understand that life is not some kind of weird, twisted competition that you have to win. Instead, it’s just a journey to be enjoyed.
“I see the danger of unhealthy competition not only in its ability to make us move sideways to our goals, but also as a negative impact on the person feeling competitive,” said licensed clinical psychologist Jennifer Kromberg, PsyD.
Kromberg admitted that she began noticing this kind of competition when she was in high school, and it only got worse throughout college and graduate school.
When you’re young and amid so many milestones occurring, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that life is a race you have to win. You have to be the best at everything, and the first to achieve different important things.
But this isn’t reality. Everyone is moving at their own pace. People with good lives understand this and let the idea of competing in some kind of race drop.
7. They let go of the need to make everyone else happy
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One problem a lot of people face is wanting to make everyone happy. That simply isn’t possible. If everyone is different, how could you make everyone happy with a single action? Still, plenty of people-pleasers exist and struggle to let go of these tendencies.
People with good lives have moved on from this. They’re over trying to please everyone. Instead, they recognize that the only person they can truly make happy is themselves.
Licensed clinical psychologist Sherry Pagoto, PhD, shared the problems with trying to please everyone. One is that you don’t take care of yourself. You’re so focused on everyone else that you lose sight of your own needs.
Additionally, you might become resentful, depressed, or stressed. And, of course, people without good intentions are bound to take advantage of you.
It’s easy to lose sight of what matters and think that making everyone else happy is the most important thing that you can do. However, if you want to live a good life, you’ve got to realize this is pointless. That’s what other people with good lives have done. Even if they were a people pleaser at some point, they’ve learned to quietly abandon it with time.
8. They stop trying to fix people who don't want to change
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When you’re young and naive, it’s easy to think that you can be the catalyst that causes someone you care about to change for the better. In reality, no one is going to change unless they want to.
People with good lives have come to realize this and have stopped expending time and energy trying to change people who never will. Instead, they know that people you want to change in some way aren’t usually worth your time anyway.
While it is of course possible for someone to change if they would like to and if they put the effort in, you can’t force another person to do so. They may be holding on to their old habits for a reason.
“Sometimes people are not emotionally ready to change,” said licensed clinical psychologist Aimee Daramus, PsyD. “When given a choice, a lot of people will choose a bad situation that’s familiar over an improvement that’s unfamiliar and scary. It’s so much easier to be in a situation where you know the rules, even if it’s really hard in other ways.”
Once you mature, you come to recognize that no one can change because of the willpower of another person. No matter how badly you want someone to become a better person, it just isn’t going to happen if they don’t want it to. And, likely, you can’t control what they want.
Your life will be much better if you let go of the desire to force others to change.
9. They quit justifying their actions
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Some people feel like they always have to answer to someone else for whatever they do or say, so they justify everything. There’s always a reason, and it’s a good one, too. This is an easy trap to fall into, but it’s draining and makes you second-guess yourself over every little thing.
Caring what others think, and therefore wanting to explain away everything you do, just isn’t worth it. This is a lesson that people with good lives have learned.
In some cases, feeling the need to justify an action or statement can be an opportunity to learn. As Steven Stosny, PhD, shared, if you feel the need to justify yourself, it’s possible that whatever you’re doing isn’t really good for you at all.
On the other hand, you might feel a need to justify yourself because of how others treat you. If those close to you act like everything you do is wrong, it’s only natural that you would feel the need to justify it.
If there are people in your life who make you feel this way, you can file them under the “people who are toxic” category. They might fit under “drama” as well. You’ll never make someone happy if they just don’t want to be, and you’ll never make them like you if they genuinely don’t.
People with good lives have learned this and put it into practice. They don’t let the judgment of others make them stop to justify everything they do.
10. They stop comparing their life to everyone else's
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Nothing good can come from comparing your life to someone else’s, but social media has made it way too simple. You can easily scroll through and see what everyone else is up to — the engagement announcements, the new cars, the first homes, and more — and think that your own life isn’t as good.
People with good lives have put a stop to this. Instead, they see the great things friends and family are up to and they feel happy for them, without any jealousy.
Licensed clinical professional counselor Hannah Rose got to the heart of why we tend to hang on to these feelings of comparison. “For me, I think there is a level of security and safety in believing that there are people who ‘have it all together,’” she shared. “It scares me to think that most of us have no idea what we’re doing, and simply doing the best we can with what we have. It’s terrifying to imagine that no one has all of the answers and that it is ultimately up to me to make my own path.”
Even if it makes you feel more secure to believe that some people’s lives are perfect, it’s not worth it to compare yourself to those idealized images you have in your mind.
You’re on your own journey through life, and your progress can’t be compared to someone else’s. It is simply your own. People with good lives have figured this out and let the trap of comparison go.
11. They quit trying to stay busy all the time
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One of the biggest pitfalls of our culture is the need to feel like you’re always doing something. Productivity is king, and the more you get done, the better.
Oftentimes, this can lead us to pack our schedules and act like we’ll be graded on our to-do lists to be as productive as possible. But people with good lives know that being busy is not necessarily the same thing as being productive, and they have gotten free of this trap.
Psychology expert Dr. Cheyenne Bryant explained why we all like to feel so productive. “Being productive releases endorphins known as ‘happy’ hormones, and this experience can leave you feeling empowered and confident while creating positive momentum,” she said.
However, it’s also possible to use productivity as an excuse so you can stay busy and avoid those things you just don’t want to face. She added, “Avoided behavior suppresses your unwanted feelings, resulting in a buildup of emotions that can manifest into anger, frustration, resentment, isolation, and many other unhealthy mental states.”
No matter how much you may think it makes you productive, staying busy doesn’t mean you’re getting anything of value done. Follow in the footsteps of those who live good lives and trade the busyness for a sense of calm and clarity. You can still be productive, but it doesn’t have to take over your life. As you abandon this behavior, you’ll find yourself feeling much more peaceful.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
