People With Good Social Skills Understand 9 Things That Usually Go Over Everyone Else's Head
New Africa | Shutterstock Having good social skills is essential for effective and enjoyable communication, but a lot of people’s interpersonal skills aren’t quite up to par these days because of near-constant technology use.
We all learn how to handle social interactions when we’re kids, but it’s impossible to do that without solid examples to observe. As adults’ social skills decline, it’s bound to have a negative effect on childhood development, too. Luckily, there are still some people out there who understand communication well enough to pick up on some subtle things others miss.
Only people who have good social skills understand these things that everyone else misses:
1. Hyperbole
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Most people probably remember learning about hyperbole in English class at some point, but it can be harder to apply the concept to conversations. In fact, researchers have said that this form of exaggeration has been studied extensively in literary contexts, but is still not well understood in day-to-day speech.
The truth is that people often exaggerate when talking to make their point or even to make a joke, but some folks just don’t get it. They’ve lost the ability to see when something isn’t supposed to be taken literally, so they miss the irony entirely. This is where good social skills come in handy.
2. How to start a conversation
Actually striking up a conversation with another person can feel really intimidating, especially if you don’t know them well. Some people might not have a problem approaching someone else and trying their luck with a random topic, but it fills others with an intense sense of dread.
Knowing how to start a conversation is a crucial tool for maintaining relationships and starting new ones. Even those who aren’t naturally talkative can work on becoming more comfortable with this, but it’s often only those with good social skills who even think about putting that kind of effort in in the first place.
3. How to openly accept when they’re wrong
Some folks will do anything possible to avoid admitting that they’re wrong. Even when the evidence is obvious, they can’t bear to own up to not knowing everything. Instead of being curious and wanting to learn from others’ perspectives, they let their pride get in the way and completely shut down.
This might sound like more of a personal issue than a social one, but it’s really both. People who have a good handle on socializing know that part of interacting with others is being willing to listen to them and appropriately respond to new information, so they’re more likely to graciously accept they could be wrong.
4. Nuance
Nuance is turning into a lost art in a world that demands everything be black-and-white with no shades of gray in between. Public policy professor Julia Minson said that understanding nuance is the key to seeing the difference between a simple disagreement that doesn’t have to be earth-shattering and a true conflict.
People who can pick up on nuance can not only identify subtle distinctions, but also know that life is really made up of distinctions, and even contradictions in some cases. This better prepares them for pretty much any social situation because they recognize that sometimes there is no right answer, and even if there is, people are going to think about it in different ways.
5. The importance of follow-up questions
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Have you ever witnessed a conversation where someone said something really interesting, but the other person just moved on to another topic instead of questioning them further? It’s frustrating, but it’s becoming more and more common as people have a harder time actually listening to what’s being said instead of just automatically responding.
In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers concluded that people liked whoever they were talking to more when that person asked follow-up questions that showed they were paying attention to what they said. Still, some people don’t even try.
6. Showing interest without being nosy
Quite a few people seem to be under the impression that when someone asks them follow-up questions, or any kind of questions at all, they’re being nosy. In most cases, they’re not actually trying to get involved in that other person’s business. They’re just genuinely curious and want to know more about them.
Merriam-Webster’s definition of nosy is actually “of prying or inquisitive disposition or quality.” There’s a pretty big difference between prying into someone’s personal affairs and just asking friendly questions to get to know them better. People with strong social skills would never get defensive over a question that’s clearly nothing more than polite.
7. The importance of tone
Even before we were all carrying around smartphones, people started complaining about how easy it is to misunderstand someone’s tone of voice when communicating digitally. When a message is typed, it’s hard to know exactly what that person meant unless you know them really well.
This isn’t just a problem online, though. Internist Dr. Alex Lickerman, MD, said, “Our tone tells the truth even when our words don’t.” A comment could be either hurtful or humorous depending on if it’s said sarcastically, but if someone doesn’t know how to differentiate between tones of voice, the many possibilities won’t occur to them.
8. Emotional regulation especially when it comes to facts
We tend to think of facts as some separate part of conversation that everyone can easily listen to and then move on from. But even if something is indisputably true, it can still trigger strong emotions. When someone hears something they don’t like, it’s particularly hard to rein in the negative emotions they feel.
People with good social skills are also adept at regulating their emotions because they know it’s basically a social skill itself. Blowing up irrationally over something that’s completely true isn’t a good look, which is why they know how to keep a straight face instead of lashing out.
9. The power of fun banter
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Engaging in banter means having a clever exchange that probably involves some teasing. It’s helpful to know how to do this to be a part of lively conversations, but it might be even more important to understand that this isn’t serious.
Teasing can absolutely go too far, but basic banter is just meant to be amusing. It’s not a big deal at all, and it’s not meant to be taken as a personal attack. People who can tell the difference are going to be much better communicators.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
